Father crashing about kitchen every time I try to settle baby

GooglieWooglyWooglyWooglyWoo · 2026-01-28T09:57:22+00:00

I'm currently on my first family holiday and I'm at my wits end. My son is teething poor bubba and being very whiney as a result, and we are currently in a thin-walled accommodation with my husband, mum and dad. Every time I have tried to settle him, such as yesterday evening, when my husband and I wanted to go out, my dad has crashed about the kitchen making coffee and waking him up over and over again. His only response is "I didn't think he could hear" when I've asked him, told him, begged him over the past 3 days to just give us those 10 minutes of silence. He did it 5 times, every single time I was settling him until I was in tears. And he's done it again this morning a minute after I walked into the room and announced I was settling the baby and needed some silence and they said okay. He went and made himself a fucking cup of coffee, and when I came out and asked him why he said "because I needed one". What can I do, as I'm being worn down and I can't get any peace and my baby isn't getting his proper naps. I'm so angry with him and I've told him off but he doesn't care. I feel so disregarded and unheard and my mum just makes excuses for him and plays Switzerland. It was always like this as a child too, where I was completely unheard, and it's bringing me back. We weren't even able to go out yesterday as I was so exhausted from hours of settling attempts. How can I get through the rest of the week??

BudgetBuster · 28/01/2026 10:01

Get your own accommodation?
Get your husband to settle the baby and you make your Dad a coffee... or you settle.the baby and your husband Get your Dad a coffee?

Rosesanddaffs · 28/01/2026 10:04

It’s crap but people won’t creep around when your child is napping.

I’d arrange alternative accommodation.

yeesh · 28/01/2026 10:05

Can you just go home? Don’t ever go away again with them. If this was like your childhood then they won’t be any better with your child, you need to start thinking about the future and how you are going to allow your child to be treated by them.

Butterflysunshine01 · 28/01/2026 10:11

White noise up loud on your phone? can baby usually nap in loud places? I actually became more relaxed about loud noises during nap time the older he got as I realised I was stressing myself out for quiet, when really having lots of background noise helped him drop off.

Secretseverywhere · 28/01/2026 10:11

Sounds awful I know how hard it is when sleep deprived. Will your child sleep in buggy/carrier/car seat? I’d get a bit bossy, get someone to take him out, you have a shower, pjs on back to bed. Or just go home.

itsmycheese · 28/01/2026 10:12

Your dad sounds like he is doing it on purpose - it's the sort of thing my FIL would try to do as he would see it as me telling him what to do rather than asking for very reasonable restraint for a short period of time to allow a tired child to sleep. From your last paragraph, it sounds like you have had to put up with this for your whole life, I'm sorry OP.

But you are an adult now, with a child of your own and you don't have to put up with it anymore. Can you get separate accommodation or even just go home? You know your dad isn't going to change, and as hurtful as it is, you can start removing yourself from his company when he is behaving this way.

stayfantastic · 28/01/2026 10:13

Tell your dad to make a coffee before it’s nap time.

Daytimenighttime · 28/01/2026 10:25

I agree with pp: he is doing it on purpose as he thinks you are trying to tell him what to do and he really needs to assert who is the boss in family situations

If you cant change your accommodation to somewhere seperate from your parents you would be better off going home.

And given this has brought back your unhappy memories of the family dynamics when you were growing up I think you seriously should think how much contact you want with your parents going forward.

I had similar when my DS was born because it brought to the surface all the unhappiness my parents had caused me. Luckily my parents lived a distance away and so the contact with with my DS was limited to them sending him the occasional present and , when he was old enough, occasional phonecalls. If they had lived nearer don't know how it would have worked out. So I understand how being under the same roof with them as you are now must be really difficult.

Put your DC and your own family unit first and do what is best for you. Your father won't change.

HoppingPavlova · 28/01/2026 10:28

This is utterly nuts. I don’t think it’s a case of you not being heard, but rather you being heard and your parents trying to bring you into reality instead.

The world does not revolve around settling babies and it’s an odd approach. You can’t get your baby to sleep because someone makes a cup of coffee? What about when you have other kids? Do you tell a 3yo not to make a peep because you are settling baby (and by the way you will likely need 3yo somewhere nearby to keep an eye on them while putting baby to sleep, so good luck with that!). Babies have to adapt to households with people living in them, people don’t turn into statues so babies can settle! What if a noisy bird lands on the windowsill of the room, what if a motorbike zooms down the street outside? Life continues, it doesn’t revolve around a baby being settled to sleep and ditto for household members zooming their toy truck in the hall outside the room or someone making coffee. By the time my eldest hit school, I’d have them doing their reader to me while settling whatever baby at the time, or assisting with (admittedly very low level) homework etc, while also occupying a toddler at same time as settling. A household doesn’t cease to exist, you had to multitask and babies have to fit in with the household.

No way I’d entertain humouring someone by not getting a cup of tea/coffee or doing perfectly normal things several times a day while someone demanded complete silence to settle a baby as it’s just not realistic (or sustainable). If this wasn’t good enough, they could get their own accomodation and just hope for no noisy birds, motorbikes going past etc either.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/01/2026 10:31

I agree it sounds like he’s doing it on purpose - “she can’t tell me what to do” sort of thing.

I do also wonder why it’s always you settling the baby and never your husband? Don’t you take it in turns on holidays, so you both get the same amount of rest?

I would also look at either getting separate accommodation or going home if you can. He’s not going to start listening now.

Gall10 · 28/01/2026 10:34

So you were putting ‘poor bubba’ (really?) to bed as you were planning to go out? Were you leaving ‘poor bubba’ alone or were you expecting your parents to stay in & look after ‘poor bubba’?

Giftmarse · 28/01/2026 10:35

Start packing your bags and tell your husband that you're either moving to separate accommodation or going home. I think I'd be going home, even in separate accommodation you'll be stuck with this arsehole around for the rest of your holiday. Never book a holiday with them again.

Havingaswimmoose · 28/01/2026 10:35

HoppingPavlova · 28/01/2026 10:28

This is utterly nuts. I don’t think it’s a case of you not being heard, but rather you being heard and your parents trying to bring you into reality instead.

The world does not revolve around settling babies and it’s an odd approach. You can’t get your baby to sleep because someone makes a cup of coffee? What about when you have other kids? Do you tell a 3yo not to make a peep because you are settling baby (and by the way you will likely need 3yo somewhere nearby to keep an eye on them while putting baby to sleep, so good luck with that!). Babies have to adapt to households with people living in them, people don’t turn into statues so babies can settle! What if a noisy bird lands on the windowsill of the room, what if a motorbike zooms down the street outside? Life continues, it doesn’t revolve around a baby being settled to sleep and ditto for household members zooming their toy truck in the hall outside the room or someone making coffee. By the time my eldest hit school, I’d have them doing their reader to me while settling whatever baby at the time, or assisting with (admittedly very low level) homework etc, while also occupying a toddler at same time as settling. A household doesn’t cease to exist, you had to multitask and babies have to fit in with the household.

No way I’d entertain humouring someone by not getting a cup of tea/coffee or doing perfectly normal things several times a day while someone demanded complete silence to settle a baby as it’s just not realistic (or sustainable). If this wasn’t good enough, they could get their own accomodation and just hope for no noisy birds, motorbikes going past etc either.

This.
Thank you for putting it across so well.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 28/01/2026 10:40

OMG, dh did this when dd1 was a baby.

Apparently it was impossible for him to do whatever it was QUIETLY! It was as if he just didn’t understand the word!

You have all my sympathy, and I wish I had some helpful suggestions - apart from getting him to settle the baby…

soupyspoon · 28/01/2026 10:42

HoppingPavlova · 28/01/2026 10:28

This is utterly nuts. I don’t think it’s a case of you not being heard, but rather you being heard and your parents trying to bring you into reality instead.

The world does not revolve around settling babies and it’s an odd approach. You can’t get your baby to sleep because someone makes a cup of coffee? What about when you have other kids? Do you tell a 3yo not to make a peep because you are settling baby (and by the way you will likely need 3yo somewhere nearby to keep an eye on them while putting baby to sleep, so good luck with that!). Babies have to adapt to households with people living in them, people don’t turn into statues so babies can settle! What if a noisy bird lands on the windowsill of the room, what if a motorbike zooms down the street outside? Life continues, it doesn’t revolve around a baby being settled to sleep and ditto for household members zooming their toy truck in the hall outside the room or someone making coffee. By the time my eldest hit school, I’d have them doing their reader to me while settling whatever baby at the time, or assisting with (admittedly very low level) homework etc, while also occupying a toddler at same time as settling. A household doesn’t cease to exist, you had to multitask and babies have to fit in with the household.

No way I’d entertain humouring someone by not getting a cup of tea/coffee or doing perfectly normal things several times a day while someone demanded complete silence to settle a baby as it’s just not realistic (or sustainable). If this wasn’t good enough, they could get their own accomodation and just hope for no noisy birds, motorbikes going past etc either.

This. All over.

Littlemisscapable · 28/01/2026 10:45

HoppingPavlova · 28/01/2026 10:28

This is utterly nuts. I don’t think it’s a case of you not being heard, but rather you being heard and your parents trying to bring you into reality instead.

The world does not revolve around settling babies and it’s an odd approach. You can’t get your baby to sleep because someone makes a cup of coffee? What about when you have other kids? Do you tell a 3yo not to make a peep because you are settling baby (and by the way you will likely need 3yo somewhere nearby to keep an eye on them while putting baby to sleep, so good luck with that!). Babies have to adapt to households with people living in them, people don’t turn into statues so babies can settle! What if a noisy bird lands on the windowsill of the room, what if a motorbike zooms down the street outside? Life continues, it doesn’t revolve around a baby being settled to sleep and ditto for household members zooming their toy truck in the hall outside the room or someone making coffee. By the time my eldest hit school, I’d have them doing their reader to me while settling whatever baby at the time, or assisting with (admittedly very low level) homework etc, while also occupying a toddler at same time as settling. A household doesn’t cease to exist, you had to multitask and babies have to fit in with the household.

No way I’d entertain humouring someone by not getting a cup of tea/coffee or doing perfectly normal things several times a day while someone demanded complete silence to settle a baby as it’s just not realistic (or sustainable). If this wasn’t good enough, they could get their own accomodation and just hope for no noisy birds, motorbikes going past etc either.

All this. We have all been here. Tone down the drama this is just a phase. Go out for a walk with baby and dh ?

Brefugee · 28/01/2026 10:46

YABU for using "bubba"

ETA because re-read and realised the father is being an idiot. But really. You shouldn't be doing all the child stuff alone. And the world does not revolve round child's naptime.

Say "dad, I'll make you a cuppa" then while he's drinking it settle the baby?

YABU for staying, though, because it sounds as though this is how your family are?

Worktillate · 28/01/2026 10:48

HoppingPavlova · 28/01/2026 10:28

This is utterly nuts. I don’t think it’s a case of you not being heard, but rather you being heard and your parents trying to bring you into reality instead.

The world does not revolve around settling babies and it’s an odd approach. You can’t get your baby to sleep because someone makes a cup of coffee? What about when you have other kids? Do you tell a 3yo not to make a peep because you are settling baby (and by the way you will likely need 3yo somewhere nearby to keep an eye on them while putting baby to sleep, so good luck with that!). Babies have to adapt to households with people living in them, people don’t turn into statues so babies can settle! What if a noisy bird lands on the windowsill of the room, what if a motorbike zooms down the street outside? Life continues, it doesn’t revolve around a baby being settled to sleep and ditto for household members zooming their toy truck in the hall outside the room or someone making coffee. By the time my eldest hit school, I’d have them doing their reader to me while settling whatever baby at the time, or assisting with (admittedly very low level) homework etc, while also occupying a toddler at same time as settling. A household doesn’t cease to exist, you had to multitask and babies have to fit in with the household.

No way I’d entertain humouring someone by not getting a cup of tea/coffee or doing perfectly normal things several times a day while someone demanded complete silence to settle a baby as it’s just not realistic (or sustainable). If this wasn’t good enough, they could get their own accomodation and just hope for no noisy birds, motorbikes going past etc either.

These were my thoughts but I thought I was the only one reading the pp

Also, who was going to be looking after baby while you went out? Would they have to sit in silence then too?

BCSurvivor · 28/01/2026 10:52

"Every time I have tried to settle him, such as yesterday evening, when my husband and I wanted to go out, my dad has crashed about the kitchen making coffee and waking him up over and over again"

So you were planning on going out with your DH and leaving your baby, who you admit is teething and whiny at the moment, with your parents, who kindly offered to babysit for you, yet all you can do is moan about your dad crashing about in the kitchen???

Flatiron · 28/01/2026 10:52

I know it’s really tempting to stick with what you think works, but it really is better in the long run to get babies used to settling with normal household noises going on. As a pp has said, if you have another child, your toddler won’t be taking a vow of silence at nap time or the baby’s bedtime! I’ve been on the receiving end of the total silence, mimed conversations, tv mute with subtitles, way of doing things and it’s bloody irritating (of course I never let on, just gritted my teeth!)

Wishingplenty · 28/01/2026 10:54

HoppingPavlova · 28/01/2026 10:28

This is utterly nuts. I don’t think it’s a case of you not being heard, but rather you being heard and your parents trying to bring you into reality instead.

The world does not revolve around settling babies and it’s an odd approach. You can’t get your baby to sleep because someone makes a cup of coffee? What about when you have other kids? Do you tell a 3yo not to make a peep because you are settling baby (and by the way you will likely need 3yo somewhere nearby to keep an eye on them while putting baby to sleep, so good luck with that!). Babies have to adapt to households with people living in them, people don’t turn into statues so babies can settle! What if a noisy bird lands on the windowsill of the room, what if a motorbike zooms down the street outside? Life continues, it doesn’t revolve around a baby being settled to sleep and ditto for household members zooming their toy truck in the hall outside the room or someone making coffee. By the time my eldest hit school, I’d have them doing their reader to me while settling whatever baby at the time, or assisting with (admittedly very low level) homework etc, while also occupying a toddler at same time as settling. A household doesn’t cease to exist, you had to multitask and babies have to fit in with the household.

No way I’d entertain humouring someone by not getting a cup of tea/coffee or doing perfectly normal things several times a day while someone demanded complete silence to settle a baby as it’s just not realistic (or sustainable). If this wasn’t good enough, they could get their own accomodation and just hope for no noisy birds, motorbikes going past etc either.

This is so unhelpful, my goodness, this is the kind of reply the op does not need.

Flatiron · 28/01/2026 10:56

Wishingplenty · 28/01/2026 10:54

This is so unhelpful, my goodness, this is the kind of reply the op does not need.

Show quote history

This is the kind of reply the op absolutely does need! It’s called a reality check.

soupyspoon · 28/01/2026 10:58

Wishingplenty · 28/01/2026 10:54

This is so unhelpful, my goodness, this is the kind of reply the op does not need.

Show quote history

Wrong. She does need it. She needs to understand how life needs to be managed, she has unrealistic expectations and illogical strategies.

Once she understands the above, she can be more relaxed, understand how rhythms of a household run and that children will thrive in that.

Kingdomofsleep · 28/01/2026 10:58

HoppingPavlova · 28/01/2026 10:28

This is utterly nuts. I don’t think it’s a case of you not being heard, but rather you being heard and your parents trying to bring you into reality instead.

The world does not revolve around settling babies and it’s an odd approach. You can’t get your baby to sleep because someone makes a cup of coffee? What about when you have other kids? Do you tell a 3yo not to make a peep because you are settling baby (and by the way you will likely need 3yo somewhere nearby to keep an eye on them while putting baby to sleep, so good luck with that!). Babies have to adapt to households with people living in them, people don’t turn into statues so babies can settle! What if a noisy bird lands on the windowsill of the room, what if a motorbike zooms down the street outside? Life continues, it doesn’t revolve around a baby being settled to sleep and ditto for household members zooming their toy truck in the hall outside the room or someone making coffee. By the time my eldest hit school, I’d have them doing their reader to me while settling whatever baby at the time, or assisting with (admittedly very low level) homework etc, while also occupying a toddler at same time as settling. A household doesn’t cease to exist, you had to multitask and babies have to fit in with the household.

No way I’d entertain humouring someone by not getting a cup of tea/coffee or doing perfectly normal things several times a day while someone demanded complete silence to settle a baby as it’s just not realistic (or sustainable). If this wasn’t good enough, they could get their own accomodation and just hope for no noisy birds, motorbikes going past etc either.

What tripe.

Children don't wake up from birds singing. They wake up hearing family members crashing around because they get fomo. The majority of children sleep deeply enough once settled, but need quiet for the 10 minutes while you're actually putting them down.

If a grandparent can't restrain themselves from making a noise for 10 bloody minutes, they're not a fit grandparent. Read the paper, scroll your phone, and have your coffee a mere 10 minutes later.

Worktillate · 28/01/2026 10:58

Wishingplenty · 28/01/2026 10:54

This is so unhelpful, my goodness, this is the kind of reply the op does not need.

Show quote history

I actually think it is - it's a real life situation needing a real life resolution.

This might not resolve immediately, but the approach OP is taking isn't sustainable. The first piece of advice I got from the HV when I brought my DD home was to run normal life around her so she learned to settle in it - the world doesn't stop so baby can nap. Admittedly, that ship seems to have sailed a little here but that doesn't stop it being good advice to take forward.

For an instant resolution, OP should get her own accomodation and then she can creep around in silence as much as she likes without trying to impose that on her parents who are ALSO on holiday