Father crashing about kitchen every time I try to settle baby

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I'm currently on my first family holiday and I'm at my wits end. My son is teething poor bubba and being very whiney as a result, and we are currently in a thin-walled accommodation with my husband, mum and dad. Every time I have tried to settle him, such as yesterday evening, when my husband and I wanted to go out, my dad has crashed about the kitchen making coffee and waking him up over and over again. His only response is "I didn't think he could hear" when I've asked him, told him, begged him over the past 3 days to just give us those 10 minutes of silence. He did it 5 times, every single time I was settling him until I was in tears. And he's done it again this morning a minute after I walked into the room and announced I was settling the baby and needed some silence and they said okay. He went and made himself a fucking cup of coffee, and when I came out and asked him why he said "because I needed one". What can I do, as I'm being worn down and I can't get any peace and my baby isn't getting his proper naps. I'm so angry with him and I've told him off but he doesn't care. I feel so disregarded and unheard and my mum just makes excuses for him and plays Switzerland. It was always like this as a child too, where I was completely unheard, and it's bringing me back. We weren't even able to go out yesterday as I was so exhausted from hours of settling attempts. How can I get through the rest of the week??

Go home

Sounds nippy but can’t you just take baby for a walk? I wouldn’t get worked up about it, your out of routine on holiday anyway.

It's not about being bissed about by a baby. Making coffee isn't a loud noise. They are not watching music videos on max volume or sharing loud jokes.

Teething babies rarely need complete silence - in my experience they need calpol and a walk around the block in the pram or even a drive, or being distracted from the pain with cuddles and play.

Complete silence seems almost counterproductive and more a reflection of the mother's stress than the baby's actual need. My 2nd is teething right now and we get little sleep ar night which is not easy so I have some sympathy for the OP.
But in life we just cannot expect others to tiptoe around us and sticking to an overly rigid schedule doesn't bode well for the future rigours of life.

The OP mentions getting exhausted from settling attempts. Surely you just give up on what is not working (a nap in the house) and put your baby in a pram to go for a nice walk instead of locking yourself indoors and making yourself and baby more miserable?

I think many here are forgetting you are probably sleep deprived op if the baby isn't sleeping well and exhausted, that can make you feel awful. If I'm exhausted, I feel sick. Can you get out for a while your husband takes over. You shouldn't be doing everything yourself. I remember when my dd was 4 -6 months, she just regressed nap wise. It was so hard and this was a baby who slept through every noise going. I'd also echo the kind posters who suggest not sharing next time if you do go again. I personally hate sharing space anyway.

anger here is weird. Baby is in an unfamiliar, stimulating environment plus under the weather. A nap can be the difference between a pleasant afternoon for mother and baby and a really shit one for both. Poster has made a request that costs no-one very much to help with. Man is going out of his way to inconvenience her.
It's at least worth being sympathetic to, even if one's children happily slept through cannonfire.

Maybe because her mother thinks she's being ridiculous too?

Everyone says making a coffee isn't that loud. Yes, it is, if it is bean-to-cup.

Our coffee grinder is by far the loudest appliance in our house, far louder than the hoover or hairdryer.

Waiting ten mins to make your coffee is no hardship. Coping with an underslept toddler all day is torture.

Is a coffee grinder likely in holiday accommodation though?

Do not go on holiday with anyone who doesn't respect you or listen to you. Big mistake. He won't change so you must make decisions based on that fact.

I assume that works both ways?

Even if they don't have one, it's possible to crash around. As pp have said, some men slam cupboard doors etc and that'd be too loud for anyone trying to sleep, not just a child.

Tbh though, I just dislike noisy men in general. I'm not alone, there was a thread about it recently. Men who slam doors open and shut, clatter plates and cutlery, have a heavy tread, grunt, belch audibly, smack the table emphatically when talking, bellow with laughter, shout with anger.

My dh moves like a cat-burglar naturally, you wouldn't know where he was in the house, he talks under his breath and chuckles softly and never ever shouts. My FIL is the same (except for snoring which he can't help).

I so dislike clumsy, noisy men with no consideration for others.

I did SHAMELESSLY use "you'll wake the baby" to get certain people to be quieter :D

It was annoying knowing that they could choose not to thump around like a brass band.

Not disputing that men CAN be twattishly loud be there are also those that just make normal levels of noise when doing normal tasks.

The poster had said about bean to cup being ridiculously loud, which it is, but the likelihood of this being the case in what sounds like fairly standard holiday accommodation (thin walls, etc) is a bit thin. So we're then back to a normal coffee making process which, unless DF is being a dick and doing everything as loud as possible, is fairly inoffensive on a noise level.

As I said on my previous post, we could do with a touch of clarification from OP as to what the actual situation is after removing her tiredness and distress from the situation, which always makes everything worse

The pod machines can be really noisy too and they’re not uncommon in holiday accommodation

I think OP was unreasonably annoyed at the noise of the coffee machine because her teething and difficult to settle baby wouldn't go to sleep and she had said she was going out with her husband, presumably happy to let the (noisy) grandparents babysit.

Solidarity. My parents are the same. I spent my entire childhood and teenage years not getting enough sleep because they believed I need to just get used to noise.

To this day, the sound of my mum banging dishes around the kitchen makes me MURDEROUS.

They are the same around my baby.

I have just cancelled a family visit with them because I can't bear another 2 weeks like this (we had them over for Christmas). It's a shame as they are wonderful grandparents otherwise. But I need sleep. My son needs sleep. We cannot be under the same roof as them.

My mum got worse with fucking menopause as she wakes at 4am and can't stay still. At all.

Can you change your accommodation or go home? It's the only way you're going to be able to get your point across.

Maybe it depends on how you yourself sleep on how sympathetic you are to OP!

I am an incredibly light sleeper but DH sleeps through anything (luckily the kids are like him!). He is so noisy in the morning and once he’s up then that’s it for me. Whereas I can have the radio on, lights on etc and he’s fast asleep. But he just doesn’t understand why I wake up so easily

Are you planning on having more children? Good luck with that! What are you going to do if an older child makes a noise? Babies need to get used to sleeping through noise. The best advice I had was to vacuum etc when they were asleep to get them used to it

well OP really stirred up the hornets nest here.

i would like to know

1. how much actual noise is he making? Is it coffee grinder, bean to cup, or kettle and nescafé?

b) nobody, nobody at all picking up on "make him a coffee before you go to put the baby down for a nap"? Or is OP too lazy to make her dad a coffee (or get her mum or DH to do it?)

iii) why isn't OPs DH taking over since she's so tired?

I'd tell him, and mean it, that the next time he's banging and clattering when you've asked him to be quiet, you will go home because he's ruining your holiday. He's just trying to be the biggest baby.

I would also add that OP says she spent hours 1 day trying to get the baby to nap. Two things: if it's literally taking hours, give up, if time of day and weather are right put baby in pram and go for a walk. If, again, it's taking hours not only will the OP be frazzled but probably everyone else too.

My goodness who knew the world was so full of inconsiderate people. I must be so fortunate that I am in my 9th year of having a napping toddler and absolutely everyone knows to shut up at nap time and not make noise. Everyone is aware that this is for everyone's benefit, because without sleep the day just does not pan out. I would literally go insane if anyone did not adhere to the no noise rule at nap time, especially in the 10 to 15 minute window as they are dowsing off!

Honestly don't have any more children! Not if you can't settle one child with a bit of background noise!

Take the kettle with you next time. And the cups and the coffee.

(Better still, chuck the coffee out of the window next time you need to settle the baby and tell him why you're doing it.)

And don't ever go on holiday with this dick ever again.