Father crashing about kitchen every time I try to settle baby

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I'm currently on my first family holiday and I'm at my wits end. My son is teething poor bubba and being very whiney as a result, and we are currently in a thin-walled accommodation with my husband, mum and dad. Every time I have tried to settle him, such as yesterday evening, when my husband and I wanted to go out, my dad has crashed about the kitchen making coffee and waking him up over and over again. His only response is "I didn't think he could hear" when I've asked him, told him, begged him over the past 3 days to just give us those 10 minutes of silence. He did it 5 times, every single time I was settling him until I was in tears. And he's done it again this morning a minute after I walked into the room and announced I was settling the baby and needed some silence and they said okay. He went and made himself a fucking cup of coffee, and when I came out and asked him why he said "because I needed one". What can I do, as I'm being worn down and I can't get any peace and my baby isn't getting his proper naps. I'm so angry with him and I've told him off but he doesn't care. I feel so disregarded and unheard and my mum just makes excuses for him and plays Switzerland. It was always like this as a child too, where I was completely unheard, and it's bringing me back. We weren't even able to go out yesterday as I was so exhausted from hours of settling attempts. How can I get through the rest of the week??

YABU to be this preoccupied with naps. They sleep or they don’t, it really doesn’t matter. When you are on holiday you need to unclench.

Babies should never be given silence to sleep, that’s asking for years of misery.

When it's time for my ds's nap, his 5yo sister understands she needs to sit quietly for 10mins, either watching TV on a low volume or doing a puzzle or painting, and then once he's settled I can give her all my attention and we can have fun together

That’s a 5yo. They go to school. They understand about sitting quietly for short periods. Many people have 2yo/3yo at that point as it’s a pretty average gap between kids, and 2yo’s don’t act like 5yo’s, and everyone just trundles on with it without raging at their 2/3yo and having the mindset that it will never work without complete silence, as that’s just not realistic.

OPs father I'm guessing isn't 2

Yeah that's a 5yo who goes to school. She's more considerate, kind, helpful and self-restrained than this man in his 60s. I'm proud of her.

I'm cringing on behalf of this man.

Im not 'noisy' for any minutes of the day. Making a coffee, as another poster says, isnt akin to taking a hammer to the kitchen.

Its bizarre that you think that mundane running of the home requires some sort of extreme noise and bheaviour

Well as PP have repeatedly said, all kids are different.

Because my 2.5yo who needed quiet to fall asleep absolutely can stay quiet for a few minutes if needed. He was excellent in the baby room at nursery because he really liked to help with them, and he's got his toy baby in a really good nap routine at home!

Wait, you mean you didn't have a toddler who could keep quiet and still for a minute? YABU to give advice to another parent then, since you couldn't teach them to do that.

Orrrrrrr... Babies, toddlers, children and indeed parents are all different. Mine needed silence but also can be quiet at 2.5. Yours didn't need silence but apparently couldn't be quiet.

It boils down to - could OP's dad have delayed his coffee by ten minutes? Of course he fucking could.

Exactly... the man could make a coffee at normal volume I'm sure?
OPs thread title clearly says "crashing about in the kitchen" and we all know people who slam the cup on the counter, throw to spoon in the sink at force etc making unnecessary noise. A normal cuppa I'm guessing the loudest thing would be the kettle boiling which is a humming style noise not a crash that'll startle a baby

Perhaps it is at normal volume, life involves some noise, thats different to being noisey like hoovering, drilling, mowing. A coffee is not that.

But the OP is clearly saying he is crashing around the kitchen... that's not normal

If he's grinding beans that's very noisy. I'm guessing it wasn't just stirring a spoon of nescafe gold that woke the child up.

no need to be insulting.

We only have OPs definition of "crashing around" which in my head translates as "normal noise but she is totally stressed out."

and again the VERY EASY solution is to make her dad a coffee before either she or her DH put the baby down for a nap? It's not Rocket Science.

You've clearly never heard my dad make a cup of coffee..

Open draw for a clean mug, apparently crash it into all the other mugs getting it out, and slam it down on the side. Ditto the jar of coffee. If possible, knock something over taking the kettle to the sink, but if not, just make sure you slam everything down. Stir coffee making sure the teaspoon (oh forgot that - open the cutlery draw and rummage for your favourite spoon) tinks on the side of each mug, then lob the spoon into the sink from a distance to make a satisfying crash.

Basically the man is over-forceful in every action. I find it annoying, and I'm not a teething baby trying to get to sleep in a strange room on holiday.

And that's all OP is asking for - 10 mins for the baby to drop off, not for hours of silence, just 10 mins of keeping it down - and everyone's saying she's unreasonable?

Who paid for the holiday?

She's more considerate, kind, helpful and self-restrained than this man in his 60s. I'm proud of her

It’s not being considerate, kind, helpful and self-restrained though. It’s humouring people who are being batty. Older kids such as you describe would only be appearing to have those qualities in such a situation as they have been fed a line, believe it as they know no different, and are towing that line. And kudos to them, genuinely. However, an adult has the ability to think rationally, judiciously, and not just believe whatever bunk they are told, and act accordingly. No way I’d just humour my kids in any situation (never have, never will, and in return they certainly don’t humour me either🤣), and if push came to shove I’d get somewhere else to stay rather than humouring this (while mouthing ‘utterly batshit’ to DH in the background) as I don’t think humouring people is respecting them.

Exactly this!

I don't think anyone would begrudge the man a coffee on his holidays but it's obviously not being made at a normal household level.

It is not "batty" to be quiet for ten minutes while a child is being settled for their nap.

We'll have to agree to disagree on this. I think your stance is the battiest. Particularly the point that my 5yo, as she goes to school, is more likely to be self restrained than a 60yo ...because he no longer goes to school?!

I cringe for that man. What a manchild

Also.. when we were on holiday at my grandparents, and grandad had an afternoon nap, we were all expected to tip-toe around and keep it down. Because he needed a nap, and didn't need to be disturbed for 45 mins on a saturday afternoon.

It never occurred to me that was an unreasonable expectation TBH. Seemed polite.

Would any of you appreciate your dh turning on the coffee bean grinder at 11pm when you're trying to get to sleep? Why does a small child deserve less of the most basic consideration than an adult?

How much noise can he make making a coffee? If you've always had silence around your sleeping baby you've created a rod for your own back. They need to get used to typical household noises.

Why are so many PPs obsessed with what would happen if there was a toddler in the house? It’s irrelevant to OP’s situation because there’s not a toddler in the house. There’s a grown man who for some reason has to make himself a coffee during the exact 10 minutes his teething grandson is being put down for a nap even though his own daughter has asked him nicely not to.

It seems vindictive to me unless there’s some back story as to why he has such an inflexible coffee schedule/ low self control.

Whether or not the OP is being a bit too precious/ principled about nap time, I think what her father is doing sounds vindictive/ purposeful - and that’s not okay in any scenario.

OP- I would try and get some alternative accommodation. And don’t go on holiday with them again.

I mean if a family member told me I couldn't make a coffee because they were trying to get their baby to sleep I'd tell them to get a grip to be honest. I think your expectations are unrealistic.

Not a solution for your immediate situation but just maybe consider training babies to sleep through a little noise? I had friends that unplugged the phone, put post its outside the front door saying please don’t ring doorbell and all they created were babies that could only sleep in silence which isn’t realistic. I purposely put my kids down for naps upstairs on their bedrooms but with talk radio on in the background, sometimes while I’m still in the room putting their clean laundry away, me hoovering downstairs, doors opening and closing…the result? Travelling with them was a breeze! Wherever we went, they slept…on planes, trains, noisy places…so do yourself a favour..

Isn't it lovely that your kids tolerated that...!

Be fair, she's giving the advice nicely, which is fine. Lots of posters aren't acting remotely in that spirit.