to not accept that this is a "thing" that most people do?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Woman I work with is early 20's and has been with her OH for six moths. She was getting really pissed off with him because he hadnt asked her to be his GF. Me and another colleague (just turned 30), both said that after 6 months being BF/GF was a given surely, they had had the "exclusive" conversation a few weeks in. Imo thats when they became an official couple but she insists not.

Then she came into work all smiles as he had officially asked her and it involved a fancy meal, flowers, that sort of thing....basically a mini proposal!

She insists that this is how it should be done and that until the man asks the woman to be his GF they are still just dating. She was genuinely surprised when other colleague and I said that we had never done this and had never heard of it.

I think this is a) not a thing and b) nuts, but am I wrong and out of date given I am in my fifties?

DD(20) had been going out with a guy for about 3 months, had had a holiday abroad together, met the parents (both sides), parties etc. We were forbidden to refer to him as DD’s boyfriend as they hadn’t discussed it. WTF. They’re bf/gf now, which we’d known anyway. What a palaver.

My DC, both now in their 20s both dated their partners for around 4 months before it became official.

Weird to me. I'm in my 50s so totally different to how we did things in the late 80s and 90s.

Was during a playdate or while watching Love Island?
😆

6 months?!

God, DH had practically moved in after 6 days when we first met! There's no way I would have been twatting around for 6m having no idea if we were actually "together" 🤣

"Will you be my girlfriend?" has a hilariously 5-year-old ring to it.

It’s definitely a thing. It’s not something I necessarily subscribed to, but then I don’t really care how others want to define their relationships. Sexual exclusivity doesn’t automatically equal boyfriend/girlfriend - some relationships aren’t sexually exclusive by design.

I think it’s the Love Island influence. I’d never heard of it until it started on there a decade or so ago. Couples basically agree to not explore other connections in the villa but don’t necessarily feel they know each other well enough to consider it a proper relationship.

I don’t consider it to be a feminist issue either. Most of these women who want to be asked aren’t helpless damsels; they just want to be desired. If I had to ask my DH to marry me, we still wouldn’t be married. I needed to know that it was something he genuinely wanted, and not something he was persuaded to do.

Love island didn’t exist yet so no. We were just in bed tbf so it wasn’t a big song and dance but he did ask to make sure it was clear.

What’s wrong with clarity and clear and open communication about the relationship? People are so snarky about something entirely harmless

Now you've all really confused me. A couple of you have said "we don't date" then go on to describe going to a meal with a guy a few times.

Isn't that a date? Maybe I need to ask what does "Dating" or "going on a date" mean?

@Mochudubh or @Fruitsherbert Asking you guys as that's where I saw the posts that I paraphrased. But open to anyone's response!

Since I'm asking here's what dating means to me...

• Before we got married DH and I went to dinner, brunch, movies, friends parties or get togethers over the course of about 3 months, <- this was the 'dating period' or individual 'dates'
• Eventually we figured out we weren't seeing other people <-I guess per @PyongyangKipperbang this would be the girlfriend/boyfriend stage but nobody asked or said anything specific
• He moved in to my place around 6 months <-I never really had a name for this period but would have still referred to him as my boyfriend I guess??
• then we were engaged at 1 year <- I think (hope!) we can all agree that this is the engagement period .

All of this was in the early 2000s

I don’t think it’s particularly new. I’m 36 and since I started dating 20 years ago, this has been a thing. My now boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend after two months of dating a few years ago, and I was very pleased!

It's not a thing. Shd sounds nuts.

I just asked my 16 year old. Yes apparently its a thing. Its mental.

I think the 'going steady' or 'going with' refers to the point after the casual dating where either can be seeing other people but gosh those were my mum's terms when she was young.

I can't remember anything so formal past the age of 11 or 12 when you'd get a note passed to you by a boy "will you go out with me" who you might have talked to once in the school hallway and if you said yes you were exclusive and gf/bf which meant you'd hold hands going to lunch and slow dance at the school dance.

I will say mental or not it's cute hearing all of the stories in this thread!

@saltinesandcoffeecups

Going on "a date" or a short series of "dates" was a thing. Usually to the pub, the cinema or for a pizza.

The use of the term "dating" as in an ongoing open-ended stage of a (non)?relationship wasn't really a thing, in my experience anyway. Obviously other people will have different experiences.

I think what many of us more cough, mature posters are saying is that we progressed naturally to the "going out", girlfriend/boyfriend stage without there being any formal discussion or declaration about it.

Someone will be along in a minute to put it more succinctly.

Edit: I've read your post again and I'd say the "going out" stage happened much sooner than 3 months, probably after 2-4 dates. As I said in my previous post, seeing someone else at the same time would have been bad form.

I also think that short-term relationships (not always sexual) were maybe more common as if you fancied someone else, you would just split up with the bf/gf but that's a whole other thread.

I had a lot of confusion a few weeks back when my nephew (22) was having a celebration with his friends and girlfriend to mark the occasion of them going ‘exclusive’ despite the fact they’d been together since the summer. I still feel confused about it all to be honest and seems so ridiculous to me.

I've never heard of this, thank god. In my day you reached a point and he would awkwardly say something like 'I take it you're my girlfriend now' or he would just refer to you as his bird and side eye you for your reaction or something - and by 'my day' I mean my younger days. By early 20s you just assumed.

I'm in my 20s and only dated three people before DH, but they all asked me to be their girlfriend separately. It’s nice. Not huge romantic gestures or anything - one did take me to Alton Towers an ask me there if that counts. I think it’s good to provide clarity. DH asked me to be his girlfriend after two weeks of dating but we had worked together for 3 months.

Nah still sexist regressive twaddle.

Haha yeah, I forgot about "going steady!" 🤣

I work with young people and the whole set up often seemed generally weighted on the side of the guys. The girl nearly always falls madly in love with the guy she’s talking to but it’s not exclusive (even though they’re usually having sex). Male then ghosts or stops talking to girl and she is devastated but isn’t ‘allowed’ to be upset because they were never ‘official’ girl’s friends don’t offer much support either as all seem to live by this rule for fear of being branded a jealous psycho.
I know of a 26 year old woman who has been ‘talking’ to the same guy for over 5 years, holidaying together etc but STILL waiting for him to ask her to be his GF…..meanwhile he carries on with a free pass.
When will we stop normalising this misogynistic bullshit!

Sounds made up by someone chronically online who only ever has theoretical relationships

(not pp, whoever starts this stuff)

We did things like that but didn't call it dates and not always as a couple.

What's this 'we'...? It's daft wee lassies that you need to talk some sense into...

yeah that's a good point, going steady was very different from dating historically.

DD is a man-eater. Took her a long time to decide to be committed to just one guy. That decision had nothing to do with M or F taking the initiative though. It was mutual decision. Also something she announced.

I could never have multiple romatic prospects at once in my life. One was enough to occupy my thoughts!!

No, I think your friend is outside the norm on this one regardless of the labels being used.

Why is she putting up with that? Sadly that's a self worth problem right there 😕