to not accept that this is a "thing" that most people do?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Woman I work with is early 20's and has been with her OH for six moths. She was getting really pissed off with him because he hadnt asked her to be his GF. Me and another colleague (just turned 30), both said that after 6 months being BF/GF was a given surely, they had had the "exclusive" conversation a few weeks in. Imo thats when they became an official couple but she insists not.

Then she came into work all smiles as he had officially asked her and it involved a fancy meal, flowers, that sort of thing....basically a mini proposal!

She insists that this is how it should be done and that until the man asks the woman to be his GF they are still just dating. She was genuinely surprised when other colleague and I said that we had never done this and had never heard of it.

I think this is a) not a thing and b) nuts, but am I wrong and out of date given I am in my fifties?

its idiotic but it seems to be a thing. Some weird import from the USA

Blame Love Island!

i think it means that both people are still shagging other people, or technically allowed to shag other people, or “have no right” to be angry when their situationship is shagging loads of other situationships… Sounds awful to me personally. I am so glad I’m married and don’t have to navigate today’s dating.

Yeah I remember this with my DD.

We had a conversation around “being exclusive/BF&GF” stuff and she was explaining to me that you need to have sex before deciding if you want to be BF&GF because you don’t want to be “attached” to someone who you don’t like sleeping with type thing.

She was shocked when I explained that when I was young, we didn’t have sex until we were BF&GF (well some folk did but not us naice girls lol).

All the “talking to” stuff just makes me 🙄

Back in my day it used to be getting drunk, get off together, and if you carried on seeing each other you were then going out, so girlfriend/boyfriend. Dating as such didn't come into it.

This sounds similar to Japanese culture.

There is no official boyfriend/girlfriend relationship until a formal confession of feelings 'kokuhaku'. Everuthing before that is just casual dating.

She’s probably been watching too much ‘Love Island’ where it’s a free-for-all until a couple does a big performance about Becoming Official.

I think this is a gen z thing.

Modern dating seems to be incredibly complicated with many, many stages. In my opinion the process seems to involve the guys shagging lots of women whilst the other women all pine and hope he eventually picks them. I can understand one nightstands, but I don’t understand why young women would want to be in a relationship with a guy that is still on tinder and sleeping with other women. One women I know has been sleeping with a guy for 9 months, they go to pubs, events, dinner, concerts, stay over at each other’s homes… but are not in a relationship. He is still on tinder- looking for the one? She has come off tinder, but she can date if she wants to? It feels so backwards. Also the fact you’re expected to sleep with guys on 1-3rd date max. It’s grim.

1990/00 dating was far simpler. You went out a few times, snogged and if you kept seeing each other you were girlfriend and boyfriend. If you were not into the person you’d dump them after a couple of dates and move on.

I work with a girl and the exact same thing happened to her… the rest of us (way older) were bemused… what a faff
My kids are all the same tho as i have now found out … it’s a new trend for the young uns 🤷‍♀️

I’m not sure this is true. I’m 50’s so textbook Gen X. I don’t remember my parents or friends of parents critical of youth culture.
My parents grew up in the 60’s and early 70’s. They were very cool about most things. They did hate my skinny jeans but I did wear mine super tight drainpipes style and I was never drainpipe shaped.

It sounds like the situation a friend of mine told me about, where her DD and a boy had agreed that she could be going out with him, but he wasn’t going out with her.
But they were 9 years old and in primary school, which is where this sort of thing belongs.

So what's the difference between seeing each other and dating then?
What a load of exhausting nonsense

I don't understand the difference between dating and being boyfriend/girlfriend.

It reminds me of people who say they're "getting engaged". If you've agreed to "get engaged", then by definition you've agreed to get married - which means you're already engaged! Engagement isn't a "stage" on its own, it's just the period between agreeing to marry and actually marrying.

Same here! So glad I am 60😂

Agree with this. Simple and reasonable.

We have it totally arse about face these days.

Yeh it’s a big milestone on Love Island - like an engagement but without the ring !

Maybe it's about online dating. A lot down to social media.

Dating might not mean monogamous.

Boyfriend/girlfriend is exclusive.

I am too old to have a girlfriend or boyfriend. I use partner.

Ummmm excuse me?! No it’s not. I feel like every daft tradition gets blamed on America… we’re not responsible for everything stupid 😂😂

I think someone earlier said you can be exclusive and not boyfriend/girlfriend.

I can't remember who I was talking to recently that told me that this is indeed a thing! Things were so much less complicated when I was dating, you have a snog and that's it - you're a couple!

Yeah, this. How unutterably depressing 😞

Result of being brainwashed by all the reality TV trash. I have witnessed it all playing out and to me it feels like a glorified cattle market! It’s pretty grim and has huge impact on mental health for some. I’m hugely grateful I’m too old for all this rubbish.

I'm 50+ and defining an early stage relationship has always been cringey and awkward.

This might be a 'modern' solution but the problem has always existed. I definitely don't agree with the 'back in my day you'd snog once and you were a couple' philosophy... either some of you have rose coloured glasses on or I was a total slapper back in the day. Maybe both.