To disagree that my child is a picky eater- it's a PIL one

[Mnunhie]

My 3 year old (nearly 4) likes mainly 'saucy' meals as he would put it. He likes spag bol, curry, chilli. However he hates gravy. He therefore will not eat shepherds pie, hotpot, and he finds a Sunday roast too dry.
This caused my in-laws great consternation over the Christmas period but it was mainly huffing and puffing and TBF the kids were plied with a lot of chocolate so he didn't eat much dinner anyway.
We have just been to their house again this weekend and it came to Sunday lunch time. DS didn't want the chicken roast dinner he was served, just eating the carrots. I fished out some houmous we had for lunches and then he happily ate his chicken and potatoes with this. However this has pushed PIL over the edge who have declared something must be done about his picky eating.
I feel annoyed by this. I grew up with a sibling who ate nothing but chicken nuggets and biscuits in childhood so perhaps my view of what constitutes picky eating is therefore skewed.
DH said he's only little and he will come to it in his own time. I just feel even if he doesn't, it's just a totally understandable preference!

YABU- Get some Yorkshire pudding down him, he is a picky eater
YANBU- sounds like a normal 4 year old

I agree with you, OP. I’ve been around people (kids and adults) who will refuse to eat anything but chicken nuggets and chips, and they’re what I’d consider fussy eaters.

A four year old who enjoys a curry and hummus is not what I’d call fussy. He sounds like a great eater, but simply dislikes gravy.

I’m a massive foodie and will try anything, but I’ve always hated butter and milk. Everyone surely has a couple of things they don’t like.

He’s a normal child who has developed preferences. Good for him. Nothing needs to be done to change his eating habits at all, as long as he is healthy, thriving and achieving.

The grandparents sound normal too in that they are old fashioned, a bit set in their ways and attach great importance to a roast dinner.

Unless the grandparents are commenting negatively in front of your son and therefore knocking his self esteem, I would just smile and carry on as normal.
Take what they say with a pinch of salt and a pint of bisto.

He sounds far less picky than my child is. My child won’t eat anything with sauce at all. I’m not bothered by him being labelled a picky eater. Why does this even bother you so much

Our daughter was a picky eater in our opinion, but PIL thought she was a wonderful eater!

She really liked plain, bland, dry food, just like PIL! 😂

It's just different views on what tastes good that skew things here IMO. You have nothing to worry about!

Blend up some tins of tomatoes OP. Boil down to reduce, hey presto, healthy sauce to pour over anything (better than gravey). Try that.

What's weird for me on here, and I've been kicking around mumsnet for about 15 years now, is that I'm slowly aging into the bracket of grandparents rather than parents, and when I hear people saying "it might have been different in their day" about people who are 5-10 years older than me I find it so weird. Like it's not as though our generation lived through rationing, you know? They're just being annoying. Plenty of people in their generation "pandered" to their kids by giving them dinners that they actually liked. Maybe PILs never did that or forgot about it in the meantime but either way, no, making food your children actually enjoy eating was not a new concept in the 80s and 90s!

He's not picky for a 3 year old at all; he ate all the food on his plate, and also some hummus? Sounds like he eats really healthful meals too!

If the gravy thing ever does become an issue, I quite often just lie to mine about it, as the problem is more in their minds. For example I always put manuka honey in their porridge rather than sugar. The one time I told them, the porridge was inedibly "yucky". Now I tell them "No, there's no honey in there darling, it's just sugar porridge" and they happily gobble the bowl, barely coming up for air.

I think the people that are in the 58-74 bracket were predominantly raised by parents that had lived through war time rationing and therefore there was still a real emphasis on clear you plate and don't waste food. its taken 3/4 generations to start to steer away from that inbuilt concept

The mean side of me reads this and wants you to serve your PILs their least favourite food next time you host - and obviously refuse to clear the table until they’ve eaten it all…

Of course your son isn’t a picky eater - he just has preferences like everyone else. One day he might come round to gravy or other meals but not because you’ve force fed him. Some people of the older generations are triggered by treating kids with kindness and respect. Don’t listen to them. And I hope your DH isn’t too scarred by their tough love childhood!

Would you react the same if it was tomato sauce? Or lamb with mint sauce? Even gravy is a sauce.. I'm struggling to see why houmous is different.

He's a picky eater by adult standards but not for a 4 year old. My Mil thinks that mine are picky eaters because they refuse to eat rabbit and eggplant😅. Otherwise they eat all vegetables and meat and fish so it's completely ridiculous.

I'm a very picky eater but I acknowledge it and propose to bring my own.

I don't get the issue if he would have eaten the roast with a sauce to accompany it? And in fact that's what he did.

My FIL has ketchup with a roast...not for me but surely if chucking a bit of ketchup on the plate for your son to dip solves the issue (as you said it would) then I don't really understand why PIL are having a hissy fit.

It really pisses me off that people insult children by calling them 'picky', yet adults are allowed to have 'refined tastes' or 'preferences'. He doesn't sound picky at all; he just doesn't like gravy, which is perfectly reasonable. I hate gravy and I don't like really wet, sauce-filled meals. That doesn't make me picky.

Tell PIL (politely) to STFU, that your child isn't picky and that if they insist on making dry roasts, he needs something a bit wet (not gravy) to make it palatable. Humous is an unusual option, but if he likes, it, go for it. Keep a pot in your bag each time you visit them.

My mum was from a country where food was very limited when she was a child post war. So she was incredibly strict about not wasting food and had some very interesting methods to make me eat everything! Even things she knew I hated. I do eat anything now TBF even the things I used to hate. But the process wasnt particularly pleasant on occasion.

So with my own children I was much more relaxed about food. But they knew that I expected them to eat everything as long as it wasn't something I knew they definitely disliked. If they were at someones house, I told them I hoped they would try and eat everything they were served as it was good manners. But I just left it up to them to decide. They are now teenagers and eat absolutely everything, which is the result I was hoping for really as a picky adult eater isn't ideal (IMO).

Hummous isn’t even that weird when you think about it.

Chicken, veg, hummous, that’s what plenty put in a pita or make into a wrap.

Could make a Yorkshire wrap with it. As long as the child eats his meal, what difference does it make?

He has years to be polite force himself to eat others “lovely” meals which is a personal view anyway.

And people wonder why so many adults turned into picky eaters, have food aversions, struggle to not clear their plate when they are already full; childhood food trauma.

Find out what they don't like and continually serve them that and then make comments that they aren't eating it.

Honestly, I would be stern with them and tell them that it is very wearing to hear the same comments over and over. My mil used to comment that my dd never finished what was on her plate. She remembered being always hungry as a kid so couldn't understand someone with a smaller appetite. I think I just said that knowing to stop eating when you're full is a healthier way to live rather than forcing yourself to eat everything in front of you.

So does that mean you’d prefer that someone ate a meal they disliked, than they made a simple change which has zero impact on you and enjoyed it?

That’s a really interesting thought process, can you explain it a bit more?

Especially in the context of you being a neurodiversity doctor, apparently.

Wish my child ate curry and spaghetti Bol!
Does your PIL want you to force open your child’s mouth and shovel it in?

What nonsense. There’s barely an adult in the country who likes and eats everything. We all have our preferences, so why aren’t children allowed the same? I speak as a lifelong avowed gravy hater!

My DGS loves veg and will eat them all! He’s not fussed about meat (except sausages) or chips (loves all sorts of fish).He’s always been this way. When he was 3 we would all encourage him to eat a little meat but he really didn’t like it.
He’s now 7 and is still the same, and his DM is still the same and still puts a small piece of meat on his plate! It’s now a game which they all love and has become part of the Sunday roast ritual, and he still doesn’t eat it!

It’s all relative, you have an extreme version to compare they don’t 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn’t class it as picky. I’d say he has preferences as do we all.
there are foods that we all like/dislike and it’s so annoying that it gets labelled as picky when it’s a child.
Your PIL should mind their own business. What he eats doesn’t affect them.

she did - she put some humous with it and he ate it.

I think it’s unnecessary to get hung up on the word “picky” (quite an annoying word though?)

Whether he is or isn’t, it’s not really affecting them at all, as you’re solving the issue when it arises. If he happily ate carrots that’s great, and sounds like you solved the remainder of the issue with a handy tub of hummus.

I think the issue is, he doesn’t eat the foods that are normal for their generation, but eats those that are normal for yours/ his.

What would they like you to do, force feed him?