To disagree that my child is a picky eater- it's a PIL one

[Mnunhie]

My 3 year old (nearly 4) likes mainly 'saucy' meals as he would put it. He likes spag bol, curry, chilli. However he hates gravy. He therefore will not eat shepherds pie, hotpot, and he finds a Sunday roast too dry.
This caused my in-laws great consternation over the Christmas period but it was mainly huffing and puffing and TBF the kids were plied with a lot of chocolate so he didn't eat much dinner anyway.
We have just been to their house again this weekend and it came to Sunday lunch time. DS didn't want the chicken roast dinner he was served, just eating the carrots. I fished out some houmous we had for lunches and then he happily ate his chicken and potatoes with this. However this has pushed PIL over the edge who have declared something must be done about his picky eating.
I feel annoyed by this. I grew up with a sibling who ate nothing but chicken nuggets and biscuits in childhood so perhaps my view of what constitutes picky eating is therefore skewed.
DH said he's only little and he will come to it in his own time. I just feel even if he doesn't, it's just a totally understandable preference!

YABU- Get some Yorkshire pudding down him, he is a picky eater
YANBU- sounds like a normal 4 year old

Well yes a fair point!

They didn't want me to offer houmous because that was 'pandering'. They feel we should be not letting him eat anything else and just re offering the dinner until he eats it.

why couldn’t he have a roast without gravy????

Just ignore them. My uncle has my DD11 down as a fussy eater because she was questioning about a chow mein (what does it taste like,.is there sauce etc). We don't buy Chinese takeaway as she's veggie and other DD has a soy allergy so she had no idea what it was like and if she would like it. We decided to have a curry instead but because of this he has her down as fussy and tells everyone she's fussy. She eats literally everything that isn't animal and has a better diet than the majority of adults.

If something is alternative from some people's daily lives they just can't compute it. Ignore them and move along.

I'd say whilst they both have mince and garlic they are quite different taste wise, at least how they are prepared in our family. DS particularly likes the beans and will have a bean chilli as much as a meat one.

It's dry. I can see where he is coming from. Regardless, he ate the roast just with houmous instead. There shouldn't be an issue with someone eating a meal and opting to add houmous to it.

I think it's PILs who are "picky" for wanting a roast every Sunday, exactly the same each week.

Do they eat Moroccan tagines? Hungarian goulash? I bet not. But your ds would probably love them.

If PIL think about it, they probably have as unvaried a diet as your son

It was too dry. He wanted a dip.
I guess houmous was what we had, he would have had tomato ketchup or salsa if they were options.

I have a friend in his 60s who doesn't like gravy AT ALL. He has a positive aversion to it. Yet he has travelled very widely and eaten all kinds of cuisines.

My late Dad, who was born in 1920, could be very dismissive of people he considered picky eaters. He liked traditional meat, potatoes, vegetables and gravy sort of meals. Exactly the sort your DS dislikes, so my Dad would probably have considered your little one picky.

And yet, looking back, my Dad was actually one of the pickiest eaters I have ever known. He was very reluctant to ever try anything outside of his comfort zone of roast dinners. He wouldn't have touched half the stuff your DS likes. Curry, chilli, spag bol? Dad wouldn't have touched them with a barge pole. Yet he would probably still have thought your DS picky for not eating his roast dinner!

I would ignore the PILs. He sounds to me like he is doing just fine for a nearly 4 year old.

Yeah he does eat tagine and stroganoff! Less on goulash I think. Also not keen on ramen broth but just picks the noodles out.

Your Fil is a Dinosaur ,the days of children having to force down cold food they don't like are over.I had this done to me at nursery over 55years ago.
He's obviously happy eating what he likes.

Not liking gravy doesn’t make someone a picky eater ffs!

I'd say proudly "he's not picky, he's discerning"

I'd much rather my kids understand what is truly good food, even if it makes them turn their noses up at mediocre gravy.

However, my kids love freezer-to-oven beige, and will only eat veg if it's mashed into a sauce or cut into Mickey Mouse shapes, so...yeah.

Your ds is doing fine, anyway!

Serve up something they hate then call them picky. He is not picky, we all have food preferences. I like gravy, DH hates it.

Maybe flatter the pil? So "oh, he knows his Granny and Grandad dote on him, it's so lovely..." etc. Maybe he's "too excited about another lovely Sunday at your house to be interested in food". It might not be strictly true, but there's no real benefit in falling out with your in-laws. Neither you nor them will change your minds (& IMO you're right).

Of course he's picky, he's 3! I reckon at that age they're supposed to be a bit wary of new things and dry things and wet things and spicy things and bland things and...

Actually I know a few kids who do not like gravy on their roast but will eat the rest of the meal dry.
I don't think its unusual in thia day and age but probably very strange for the grandparents.
However my FIL will not eat garlic in any capacity and my dad will not eat coriander. But will still find a place to comment on my kids not wanting to eat something they think is suitable

I think it’s just generational differences.

Many/most of our parents were brought up to eat what they were given and be grateful for it. Hardly surprising given the WW2 rationing lasted for 14 years until 1954 so it became ingrained in many who lived through those years and was passed down to their kids. I was a picky eater as a kid and remember plenty of times when I wasn’t allowed to leave the table until I’d eaten what I was given unless it was bedtime and my parents abandoned the standoff (and I stayed hungry if I wasn’t willing to give in). Things are very different these days.

I’d just ignore the PIL comments. It’s not worth picking a fight over.

Unless of course you’re Northern. In which case not liking gravy is pretty much a capital offence and you will either be put to death immediately or banished “darn sarf’ in disgrace forever. 😜

TBH we’re not a roast family so it’s an unusual meal for my kids and they would be a little fussy about it (both much older than yours). The both have quirks but I wouldn’t class either of mine (or yours) as a picky eater. My daughter is an average 9 year old eater (Bolognase, Dahl curry, mixed bean bake etc). She absolutely refuses mashed potatoes of any kind (ruling out shepherds pie, fish pie etc). My son 5 ate his Christmas lunch without gravy and wouldn’t touch a roast potato 🤷‍♀️. Don’t make it your problem - your child eats and enjoys familiar foods, these are healthy foods that you make to fit your family. PIL can think what they want with their outdated views

If your chilli and your shepherd’s pie are basically the same, surely at least one of them is very wrong…

Sorry, not the point of the thread! Your pil sound pretty old fashioned. Has your dh tried talking to them about? If they carry on like this, it’s just going to make your ds dislike going to their house.
fwiw, he doesn’t sound picky at all. But even if he were, it’s not for them to tell you how to parent.

Ia have a 9 year old that way . People sometimes assume she is a picky eater but she eats anything from steaks to grilled octopus she just doesn’t like anything with minced meat

I don’t think he’s particularly picky, who’d want to eat a dry roast. I would take an appropriate sauce with you next time, depending on which meat is being served. Pepper sauce/cheesy sauce/mushroom sauce/tomatoey sauce would all work.

I don’t eat meat but am always happy to just have the vegetables if we go somewhere for a roast. Sometimes the host will kindly provide a piece of salmon or other fish, but it’s still dry with out sauce. I have a stash of homemade sauces in my freezer, so usually take one with me

Haha this is my son too. Everything has to be served with a side of mayonnaise 😂 He’ll have gravy on the roast dinner at school though 🤷🏻‍♀️

I told my son it was in his DNA to enjoy gravy 😂

YANBU
Im pretty old school in 'kids will eat what they are given' terms. My kids get cooked the same dinner and if they dont eat it there's nowt else. However I absolutely do not make a giant issue out of it or try and actually force them to eat anything. Beyond not providing sweets if an attempt hasnt been made on the main course.
Your son sounds perfectly normal. He ate something. And some of it was vegetables. It's not like they had to cook him a separate meal.
It's fine. What he's eating sounds reasonably healthy. It's ok to have a few dislikes.
If I see that my kids genuinely dont like something and have left that meal a few times ive cooked it then I take it off the rotation and try something else.
There are foods I dont like particularly. Although id eat them if starving but its normal to not like a few things. It's not 'picky eating' They are making a fuss over nothing

Tell them to mind their own business or you won't be going for food again.
I'm 67 and remember my mum telling me to eat liver and I kept telling her I didn't like it so she thought it would be a good idea to warm it up the next day. She believed me after I'd thrown up all over the dinner table.
I was about 8 I knew what foods I didn't like.

I hate gravy and my partner has only just started to like it, aged 60!
Your little love sounds great actually, heard and witnessed a lot worse and sounds like his diet healthy, grand.

Let him dunk his yorkshire puds in ketchup if it means he'll eat and keep FIL happy, lol. Ketchup is now proven not to be as bad as it was once thought of, plus it sounds like your son likes more of a tomato based sauce?