To disagree that my child is a picky eater- it's a PIL one

[Mnunhie]

My 3 year old (nearly 4) likes mainly 'saucy' meals as he would put it. He likes spag bol, curry, chilli. However he hates gravy. He therefore will not eat shepherds pie, hotpot, and he finds a Sunday roast too dry.
This caused my in-laws great consternation over the Christmas period but it was mainly huffing and puffing and TBF the kids were plied with a lot of chocolate so he didn't eat much dinner anyway.
We have just been to their house again this weekend and it came to Sunday lunch time. DS didn't want the chicken roast dinner he was served, just eating the carrots. I fished out some houmous we had for lunches and then he happily ate his chicken and potatoes with this. However this has pushed PIL over the edge who have declared something must be done about his picky eating.
I feel annoyed by this. I grew up with a sibling who ate nothing but chicken nuggets and biscuits in childhood so perhaps my view of what constitutes picky eating is therefore skewed.
DH said he's only little and he will come to it in his own time. I just feel even if he doesn't, it's just a totally understandable preference!

YABU- Get some Yorkshire pudding down him, he is a picky eater
YANBU- sounds like a normal 4 year old

If you’re still here, @Orangemintcream, OXO chicken stock cubes are miraculously free from onion and garlic powder. (OH and I spent a month looking high and low!)

You can add any meat juices and thicken it with a bit of corn powder, mustard powder (optional), and simmer with a drop of wine & seasoning and it’s really OK. Sometimes I add redcurrant jelly (niche!) or Engevita flakes for a bit of umami.

They are ?! How did I miss that !! I’ll try those - thank you

I mean, I’m not saying they’re exactly the healthiest thing in the world, but needs must and all that. Details below:

Oxo Chicken stock Cubes 12s (71g)

Additives
Free From: Artificial Preservatives

Ingredients
Wheat Flour (with added Calcium, Iron, Niacin, Thiamin), Salt, Dried Glucose Syrup, Flavour Enhancer (Monosodium Glutamate), Yeast Extract, Flavourings, Chicken Fat (3%), Potato Starch, Sugar Concentrated Chicken Extract (2%), Colour (Ammonia Caramel)

So why not say "it's not in anyone's interests to have conflict over something so trivial." to the Pils and decline to engage over it?

As someone who struggles to dela with added MSG, beyond what occurs naturally in food, it annoyed the heck out of me when OXO reduced the salt content and added MSG instead. I know that the received wisdom is that it has no effect but it does on me!

He was allowed to eat whatever he liked- even if the rest of the family were eating something else, it never got better- he never widened his diet.

He sounds amazing. No way either of mine would have eaten so well at that age.

He definitely is a picky eater, come on OP. Hummus on a chicken roast dinner? There’s nothing wrong with that but it’s definitely evidence of picky eating. I say that as a parent to a child with ARFID who only eats a very, very small group of foods.

If the gravy boat is on the table it is part of the meal. I have been served a dry roast before ( host didn't like gravy) we ( DH, DCs aged 3& 5 and I) all ate it.

In the original post she states " I was brought up with a sibling who ate nothing but chicken nuggets and biscuits" try reading the post before rubbishing posters actually trying to answer the question.

I’m 61 and hate gravy
I would suggest your PIL make sure there is an alternative to make it less dry
Mint sauce with lamb, apple sauce or cranberry or redcurrant jelly with poultry etc
I also serve plenty of veg with a sauce eg cauliflower cheese and also offer jus for the non gravy people
I think they are being too rigid and sounds like he is not that picky

No it’s not.

It’s evidence that like many including on this thread he doesn’t like gravy. Why is that so difficult to understand? OP says he eats plenty of other things just gravy is not one of them. He ate all of his roast with the hummus so he didn’t waste any food by doing so. Besides, he’s 3. Why would you want a small child eating gravy to begin with? Not particularly healthy for them anyway.

When did not liking gravy make someone picky?

Exactly - ask PIL if he eats absolutely everything. I am sure he has things he does not like - does that make him picky? We cant all like everything. I would refuse sweet corn (there is no vomit emoji to post) stir frys, and anything else I do not like - no one forces me to eat them, that does not make me picky, I just know my own mind! I would be telling PIL to butt out as I have not asked his opinion. There is nothing wrong with a child knowing their own mind .

Because that's just what you do as a guest, out of politeness. Is the kid going to starve? Just feed her later. The amount some people pander to their kids drives me insane.

Sorry, but have you ever dealt with a hungry child? I'm not making her miserable because someone else thinks she should eat things she doesn't like.

I don't pander to her, but I'm not forcing her to eat something she doesn't like just to be "polite", and if I have something she will eat, then I'll feed her that.

How is it considered "polite" to serve food to guests that you know they don't like?

Polite works both ways.

You're getting quite het up. Just consider an alternative opinion. Does the kid have to eat right now or can she be mildly inconvenienced and eat later?

My kids have been served stuff they don't like before, I don't force them to eat it but it's generally been quite helpful to give them an opportunity to sit there with the food. More usually gets eaten if it's sitting in front of them for a bit than if I'd whipped it away claiming they don't like it.

I'd usually make sure the host sees me encouraging them to eat the food, saying how delicious it is, eating it myself etc.

Her grandparents KNOW she doesn't like potatoes. They know this. If it was a new food, I would encourage to try.

However, over the last 3.5 years she's attempted potatoes in different forms many, many times. She does. Not. Like. Them. If I do a roast I still put them on her plate and she'll try them if she is in the mood to see if she likes this thing we all love so much, but sometimes she won't. She is now at the point where she absolutely detests mashed potato. Hates it. Has tried it several times, really doesn't like it.

My MIL, her grandmother, is very aware of this dislike. She's commented several times about how easy she is to feed but how unusual she is with her dislike of potatoes. If she invites us for dinner and then serves a cottage pie, predominantly mashed potato, she's done so KNOWING that her granddaughter won't eat it.

Why is THAT acceptable but someone not eating something they do not like, not?

I can't really comment on your family dynamics as I haven't experienced that. You're talking about something different than a child happening to be served something they don't like as a one-off as a guest in someone's home.

i have 3 children 4,5 and 7.
They are absolutely not picky and eat pretty much everything but they are allowed to not like things the same as me.
7 year old… can not stand ham, bacon or gammon
5 year old… can not deal with calpol or anything “gloopy” makes him gag even watching other people
4 year old … can’t have gravy on a Sunday dinner but will tolerate it sometimes (but rarely) if it’s mixed up ie cottage pie
42 year old (me) absolutely detests raw tomatoes but can eat the cooked or out of a tin
Everyone is allowed preferences no matter how old they are. I know my children don’t like certain things because I’m the one that feeds them everyday. It doesn’t make them picky it’s makes them independent 😊

I’d be tempted to invite them to your house instead for the time being - only cooking delicious things your son likes like stroganoffs, bean chilli etc - and when they don’t eat it, comment on how this picky eating needs to stop! Childish I know..

No, I'm talking about the scenario the OP posted about. Where a grandparent who knows they don't like gravy got grumpy that their grandchild wouldn't eat the dinner with gravy on but did eat it with a small adjustment.

You have made this about a one off elsewhere, by getting irritated that I said I won't accept my child being made to feel bad for not eating something when they've been served it by someone who knows they dislike it and changing the scenario.

you’re not talking about OP’s situation though, you’re talking about your own?

Which is similar to the OPs...grandparents complaining about a child not eating something they know they don't like. I empathised with OP and gave my own experience.

You're talking about a completely different scenario and suggesting politeness comes above a child's comfort (which I do still disagree with) and then acting like I'm off on a tangent.

You are off on a tangent!!

Ok. Have a nice day.