To disagree that my child is a picky eater- it's a PIL one

[Mnunhie]

My 3 year old (nearly 4) likes mainly 'saucy' meals as he would put it. He likes spag bol, curry, chilli. However he hates gravy. He therefore will not eat shepherds pie, hotpot, and he finds a Sunday roast too dry.
This caused my in-laws great consternation over the Christmas period but it was mainly huffing and puffing and TBF the kids were plied with a lot of chocolate so he didn't eat much dinner anyway.
We have just been to their house again this weekend and it came to Sunday lunch time. DS didn't want the chicken roast dinner he was served, just eating the carrots. I fished out some houmous we had for lunches and then he happily ate his chicken and potatoes with this. However this has pushed PIL over the edge who have declared something must be done about his picky eating.
I feel annoyed by this. I grew up with a sibling who ate nothing but chicken nuggets and biscuits in childhood so perhaps my view of what constitutes picky eating is therefore skewed.
DH said he's only little and he will come to it in his own time. I just feel even if he doesn't, it's just a totally understandable preference!

YABU- Get some Yorkshire pudding down him, he is a picky eater
YANBU- sounds like a normal 4 year old

Lol, the school did this with my brother with peas. He hated vegetables, still does but they made him eat his peas. Threw them up over the teacher.

I'm amazed your in-laws are advocating for their house, or their time with you, to be the scene of a showdown with no real winners.

Never get involved in a land war in Asia, never enter into a battle of wills with a pre-schooler, etc.

He doesn't sound very picky. Just has his moments. Very normal for this age.

I don’t think he sounds particularly picky. However, I think grabbing a tub of hummus with a roast would have enraged my usually dairy tolerant mother. Personally sounds fine, am just saying I think this combo is a little out there for a more traditional person and could even (in their own mad head) border into rude. I would try to find something saucy he will eat with chicken and potatoes that your in-laws will find easier to bear. Mayo? (Chicken w mayo v normal…) Redcurrant or Cranberry sauce? Mustard??

also, fwiw, I am in the “weird to like chili but not Shepherds pie” camp - I reckon you could make your pie a lot more like chili and wean him over to it! But obviously you don’t have to - he sounds absolutely fine.

He’s not a fussy eater at all, a really bad one would just eat nothing that was served and revert to a safe food option.

its good he’s into sauces next time maybe try him with apple sauce. Cranberry sauce, mint sauce instead he might like any of those with his meat potato and veggies.

also if he’s not keen on casserole or shepherds pie both of this I make (vegetarian) but with more tomatoey sauces which it sounds like he’d eat as he likes tomato based sauces. Veggie casserole is the easy one I just dice veggies potatoes, Pearl barley, stock, tin of tomatoes and so on put in the oven for an hour. And if it had been my dc as a young child I’d then have blitzed his into a soup with extra tomato to ‘hide’ some of the vegetable taste.

I bet most parents would LOVE to have a picky eater like yours! Your pil are being ridiculous, your son doesn’t sound picky AT ALL!!

Also OP one of my young siblings was similar to yours and was a fussy eater, unlike your dc. Mine ate some very plain meat like chicken , carrots ,peas, potato.

I don't like when people say it's the older generation. I am in my 60s . I have always hated gravy. My dm understood this and just let me eat my roast dinner dry which is the way l still do. No sauce either. My granny totally accepted that too. It's your inlaws. They should just ignore the little one as really it's none of their business and l am a grandma. I just leave it to the parents.
Don't get involved in it. Your little one sounds like a happy eater and l agree with him about gravy!!!

PIL: Something must be done about John's picky eating
You or DH: no he's grand. Lovely roast potatoes mum. Any news of aunt mary?

My DS ate nothing but potato waffles as a toddler/preschooler. I bet your PIL would really have something to say about that.

Completely agree over the frustration of parents not realising that they are picky eaters too

My DS was labelled a picky eater in the uk because he wasn't a fan of bread and mash. Not issues, we he just had wraps or crackers etc. However my parents were shocked because he didnt eat a common type of maize food common in my home country.

My inlaws thought it was outrageous because they are bread and mash sort of people, but they wouldnt have eaten my cultures food.

Both sets have a massive list of foods that they screw their nose up and basically eat a rota of the same 10 meals or so, whilst bemoaning the picking of kids these days.

Most people adapt to the environment they are in and pickiness is often in thebeye of the beholder. If someone comes to my house id find them picky if they didnt eat chick peas, avocado, goats cheese, spinach and peppers because they make up a big portion of our meals. People often say they eat anything then suddenly decline food offer because we eat a lot of veggie, Moroccan, Asian food rather than British food.

The reality is lots of kids these days encounter a far bigger range of foods, and its no differently for someone not to want hummus or baba ganoush than it is gravy.

By their standards he probably is picky. Thankfully times have changed. Ignore them.

YANBU

Adults wouldn’t want to eat foods they don’t like but it’s ok to force children to even if they eat most of their meal.

I’m not a fan of roasts and never have been. Not big on overly sauced foods and hate dry meat. I dip in sauce or spoon a bit on. Still recall my mum holding me hostage over an obviously dry piece of chicken, me saying I didn’t want it (ate everything else on my plate, veg and pasta), her saying to just try it, me trying it, still not liking it, and telling her so, only for her to then tell me to eat the rest and not allowing me to leave the table. I sat there quietly until it was past bedtime and was expected to eat tomorrow. She is the pickiest eater I know and my younger sister isn’t much different, but mum would call it, just liking things a certain way 🙄. Made me out to be weird for not liking certain foods as if much preferring savoury foods and not liking overly sweet foods was abnormal.

When it comes to gravy, if I’m adding it, it’s usually because it’s the only tasty thing and I’m using it to get the food down.

If your chilli and your shepherd’s pie are basically the same, surely at least one of them is very wrong…

Right. They definitely do not taste or look the the same although you can make a fusion of them.

He sounds like a super eater. My just turned 3 year old doesn’t like any part of a roast at all and would just have bread and butter. She might eat carrots, sometimes. But it drives me nuts when people (mainly our parents’ generation, though not all of them) massively fuss over it - the added fussing and pressure to ‘try this’ and ‘what about x y z’ incessantly just makes the meal stressful for her and that has the opposite effect. It would on anyone. We offer her bits of what we’re having and apply no pressure and she’s gradually expanding her palate and that’s fine.

Your little one eats a huge range of foods by the sounds of it, and that’s fab. Your in laws are wrong about him being picky, but even if he was, they need to back off and not make a huge deal of it.

I'm with him regarding gravy, ruins a roast dinner. I associate it with overcooked meat as a way to disguise how dry it is.

Also, I think the fact that many adults can still remember times they were served up last night’s dinner cold or forced to eat something they don’t like shows how strong our reactions to food in childhood can be. No one wants to set their child up for a lifetime of negative associations to food.

I agree.

"this has pushed PIL over the edge who have declared something must be done about his picky eating."

Given the wide range of foods that he does eat.. I'd say he was not picky at all.
PILs sound like a bundle of laughs at Sunday Lunch... I bet there's a long list of things that push them over the edge that something must be done about. How tedious to listen to.

Nothing worse than people monitoring what your child eats and then saying it should all be done differently.

And as for gravy... I totally agree with your son... horrible stuff!!

I also hate gravy but love the rest of roast dinners - my secret is parsley sauce instead of gravy (it goes wonderfully with vegetables and Yorkshire puddings, not just for ham!)

Maybe try that with him and if he likes it, it could be a second sauce option for roast dinner days?

In what World does not liking gravy equate to being a picky eater?

They're being ridiculous and, frankly, ignorant.

There are so many nutrients in the other meals he eats and the kid DID eat his meat and veggies on the Sunday roast, just with a bit of bloody humous, which has more nutrients than gravy!!

They sound stuck in their ways and irritatingly dramatic.

As an aside, does DS like cheese sauce? I recently saw an Influencer smothering her roast in it and it made me question what the hell I've been doing with my life. Glorious!

Refusing to eat anything except carrots is being picky to be honest but if you all know he won’t eat a roast and that’s what’s on on offer it’s on you to come up with a solution beforehand rather than at the last minute ‘fish some hummus out’ which is a bit stressful for the woman who’s just cooked for everyone .

Surely one of you could have talked to her beforehand and said mum / Carol, not sure if you remember that Henry won’t eat a roast, are you ok for me to bring xx to have with the veg? I’ll just heat it in the microwave.

Jesus, i work with kids a this is NOTHING! Ignore them, hard I know, but it’s not their kid, not their business

For ing children to eat food they do not like can lead to eating issues in later life. He should be able to like/dislike foods.
my Pil were like this with my eldest two, we stop them looking after them after one incident of trying to force them to eat something. They tried it with youngest but we nipped it in bud straight away. When sil had her ds he would throw food across the room if he didn’t like it. They quickly learnt to’pander’ to him!

But at that age and with his preferences clearly defined why do they the serve him a Sunday dinner? Makes zero sense.

Neither of mine liked gravy until they were about 5yrs old. And the 7yr old is still getting used to other sauces - some she likes some she doesn’t. I feel as long as they try things before saying they don’t like them that is good enough. I wouldn’t be too offended about being called a picky eater though I would state they are children they usually go through phases and their taste buds develop. I wouldn’t appreciate PILs trying to correct my parenting though and what you offered was actually healthy so not sure why they are so dramatic!! I would tell them to chill out as it’s not their kid not their problem and if they don’t like it don’t eat together see if that calms them down!

One of mine in their 30s and still doesn't eat gravy. I don't like Chinese food. So what, the world keeps turning.

My dad hates gravy so has always had his roasts dry, my DS is now the same. I think it’s relatively normal.