To disagree that my child is a picky eater- it's a PIL one

[Mnunhie]

My 3 year old (nearly 4) likes mainly 'saucy' meals as he would put it. He likes spag bol, curry, chilli. However he hates gravy. He therefore will not eat shepherds pie, hotpot, and he finds a Sunday roast too dry.
This caused my in-laws great consternation over the Christmas period but it was mainly huffing and puffing and TBF the kids were plied with a lot of chocolate so he didn't eat much dinner anyway.
We have just been to their house again this weekend and it came to Sunday lunch time. DS didn't want the chicken roast dinner he was served, just eating the carrots. I fished out some houmous we had for lunches and then he happily ate his chicken and potatoes with this. However this has pushed PIL over the edge who have declared something must be done about his picky eating.
I feel annoyed by this. I grew up with a sibling who ate nothing but chicken nuggets and biscuits in childhood so perhaps my view of what constitutes picky eating is therefore skewed.
DH said he's only little and he will come to it in his own time. I just feel even if he doesn't, it's just a totally understandable preference!

YABU- Get some Yorkshire pudding down him, he is a picky eater
YANBU- sounds like a normal 4 year old

Your PIL would hate having a meal with my 10 year old - likes what he likes and that doesn’t include gravy or sauce, will happily eat plain pasta/rice or dry meat. He has tried these things, but just prefers it his way. I can’t really complain because I was much the same until I hit about 12 then suddenly my palate opened up and I understood what all the fuss was about.

@Mnunhie my son has never liked gravy . He’s a man now and still wouldn’t touch it .
Just tell them if it’s causing them distress then maybe you should dinner at your own home .
What do they want more a family around the table or controlling your son’s gravy intake .

Is there any food that your PILs particularly dislike? If so, I'd serve it to them and insist that they eat it.

Your child eats a variety of healthy and nutritious meals so there is nothing for them to worry about or criticise.

They sound like a pain in the arse and I would see less of them if they don't stop this. It's shit when mealtimes become a battleground and, in your case, it really isn't necessary as your son isn't a particularly picky eater at all.

What does or does not constitute "picky eating" is a very subjective matter that will vary with personal opinion.

Disliking such a commonplace and inoffensive food as ordinary gravy is "picky eating" in my book.

Commonplace and inoffensive in your family. It may surprise you to learn that your way isn't the only way.

So he ate roast chicken, carrots, and hummus at your PIL’s? He eats curries, chilli, and bolognaise? Definitely not a picky eater in my books.

I’ve seen some grandparents get really hung up on what their grandchildren eat, and seem to get personally offended if they don’t eat everything/finish everything on their plate. I think it might be a generational thing.

Don’t stress, your DC sounds like a perfectly normal eater.

I don’t think he’s picky just eats different food to them. I wonder what their diet is like?

It's not the same. Shepherd's pie has mince with gravy while chilli con carne has mince in a spicy tomato sauce with kidney beans. It's the gravy that OP's son really hates.

Most people dislike some foods. It's weird that adults are allowed to choose what they eat but some people think that children should just eat what they are given, even if they really hate certain foods.

Generational difference. I’d smile and nod and ignore for now, if they keep trying to make a big deal out of it then DH should tell them to mind their own business.

Your PIL eat absolutely anything and everything offered to them?? If they have one or two dislikes would that make them picky? I don't think so. Your son is only a child and is still getting used to a variety of textures and flavours. He may, when he's older, come to love gravy but now there is absolutely no point going to battle over it especially as the alternatives that he likes are quite healthy.

If your PIL's never had issues with their kids eating what was on their plate, then they were very lucky. They need to keep their beak out.

Eh? Since I said it's "a very subjective matter that will vary with personal opinion", I'm obviously aware that "your way isn't the only way".

I think sometimes we can get into bad habits/routines with children. We went through a phase where mine would only eat food if there was ketchup on it or coleslaw. 1 day i decided that was enough and stopped it. Yes there was tears, and yes I could have just let him as it wasn't hurting anyone. But I just felt like it was rude and wanted to teach him how to be appreciative of a meal given to him and what to do if you dont like something. I dont like my mums cooking but when she invites us for dinner, I dont throw a tantrum and I wouldn't expect my child to either. But I think I am quite old fashioned and expect a high level of behaviour from my child.

I cook completely differently to the meals I grew up with (which were a lot of meat, potato, veg in (to me) uninspiring combinations). I also use a lot less meat in my cooking. My parents can’t believe my kids have never had a pork chop or roast lamb, but they eat a lot of flavours from around the world. And, practically, saucy dishes stretch further.

He’s not picky, just has preferences/dislikes like everyone does. Mine had to have ketchup with a roast for a few years!

Do you eat absolutely every food and not ever dislike anything? I don’t believe that at all.

Chilli is nothing like shepherds pie either, one is tomato based and one is gravy based (and given the child doesn’t like gravy, makes sense which one he doesn’t like!)

How old are your PILs? I had a great aunt who was a head teacher in a village primary school and she made the pupils eat everything on their plate, even if they hated it. She would scold my mum for not making me eat food that I disliked. However, she was born in 1910 and advice about children and food has moved on a bit since then.

They sound like horrible people. Expecting you to keep serving the food he dislikes at every meal until he forces it down is abusive in my opinion.

I didn’t think not liking gravy was particularly unusual in young children, they often come to like it as they get older.

It is strange that your PIL’s are getting so wound up by it.

Picky is so relative. I hate mayonnaise, so if you were looking for a packaged sandwich with me then you would think I was really picky. But if I go for a curry with friends, I'm suddenly not the picky one.

Your DS is fine and a totally normal level of picky for his age.

Op I put YANBU. But, also I hate food waste. What i used to do when my son was yoinger and we visited family is that I muscled into the kitchen and dished up my son's dinner.

I gave him food that I was fairly confident he would eat, plus a few bits for him to try.

Next time you have PIL for dinner make their least favourite meal and then exclaim that they shouldn’t be so picky…

YANBU. He doesn’t sound like a fussy eater. But even if he was huffing and puffing and making a big deal of it isn’t going to fix it.

In my experience giving them foods that they like (eg humus) alongside new foods that you want them to try (eg roast dinner) works well. Often they don’t try the new foods for a long time but it builds trust and stops mealtimes from being a battleground.

As the parent of a genuinely picky child, they're being ridiculous. It's also not really their place to keep criticising what your child eats. I'd be thrilled if my DC ate potatoes, chicken and carrots. Sometimes it feels like my life's work to get them to eat a balanced meal!

Where do they live I could turn up with my 4yo if you want? He eats…. fish fingers. Maybe a cheese sandwich 😂

You sound like you’re doing fine!

I think it is a bit of an issue tbh, I would be pretty pissed off if I had lovingly cooked some meat and vegetables and someone smothered it in hummus.

I disagree with this.

Simply because we have preferences, like preferring saucy meals or not liking gravy doesnt make one a picky eater. There are still a large amount of foods and flavours inside this scope.

I personally dont care for gravy never have and I was also told I was a picky eater. In reality I dislike gravy, aubergines and walnuts and will eat almost anything else. Yet my mother throughout her life would bring out I was a picky eater.

I also do not see how shepherd's pie and chilli to you are similar to me they are hugely different. Different textures and different flavour palates.

Its ok to have dislikes. Its also ok for those to change as we grow. Its not ok to shame others over it.

For Op. I would serve chilli next time inlaws come over yes to make a point however sometimes I think points have to be made.

And frankly humous carrots and chicken aounds amazing.