To disagree that my child is a picky eater- it's a PIL one

[Mnunhie]

My 3 year old (nearly 4) likes mainly 'saucy' meals as he would put it. He likes spag bol, curry, chilli. However he hates gravy. He therefore will not eat shepherds pie, hotpot, and he finds a Sunday roast too dry.
This caused my in-laws great consternation over the Christmas period but it was mainly huffing and puffing and TBF the kids were plied with a lot of chocolate so he didn't eat much dinner anyway.
We have just been to their house again this weekend and it came to Sunday lunch time. DS didn't want the chicken roast dinner he was served, just eating the carrots. I fished out some houmous we had for lunches and then he happily ate his chicken and potatoes with this. However this has pushed PIL over the edge who have declared something must be done about his picky eating.
I feel annoyed by this. I grew up with a sibling who ate nothing but chicken nuggets and biscuits in childhood so perhaps my view of what constitutes picky eating is therefore skewed.
DH said he's only little and he will come to it in his own time. I just feel even if he doesn't, it's just a totally understandable preference!

YABU- Get some Yorkshire pudding down him, he is a picky eater
YANBU- sounds like a normal 4 year old

I hate Gravy and anything with Gravy in so wont eat shepherds pie/ hot pot etc, I am happy with a tomato/red wine type sauce so make a more red wine/bean/tomato based sauce with mince/meat and mash instead, with a roast I always make a cauliflower cheese or leeks in cheese sauce so there is some moisture or use condiments such as horseradish, red currant, apple sauce. Don't sweat it - he sounds like he eats an amazing variety of foods!

He is, it’s just a fact so it causes issues when other are providing food.

IGNORE!

I think it's probably would have been better to just let him sit and pick at his food, offer ketchup to go with it, and then feed him at home if he really didn't eat much.

Faffing around with food you've brought with you when someone else has hosted and cooked for you is just a bit rude. I know kids have preferences and he shouldn't be forced to eat it if he didn't want it, but I would have given him the opportunity to pick at it and try a new things.

They were maybe feeling a bit hurt that they'd cooked for him and he didn't like it, and that you didn't attempt to get him to at least try it.

Not everyone likes gravy. I know someone who puts tomato ketchup on a roast dinner.

Plus it's not the worse thing to dislike..it's full of salt and isn't really good for you anyway

They need to keep their yap shut around him.

So hummus is wrong but ketchup is fine??

Why? Both are condiments. I’d question the logic if they were ok with that.

As long as the food isn’t wasted, why does it matter?

I don't like gravy either and I also don't like red sauce, mayo etc. I don't mind dry dinners, so I will eat roasts without it, but it does annoy me that I'm in my thirties and it still gets commented on. I hate mince so I never eat shepherd's pie. I'm not doing any harm or commenting on other people's food so leave me alone! I feel so bad for your son. He's not picky. He just knows what he likes.

When my cousins and I were young we were allowed to have 5 things each that we 'wouldn't eat'. We wrote them on a chalk board at my gran's house and if another 'off' food came to mind, we had to swap it in. Mushrooms featured highly on mine. We weren't allowed lists as long as our arms.
My cousin hated gravy and still does. But he liked BBQ sauce so had that with roast.
If gravy is the only thing kiddo doesn't want, he is doing ok. It's not for everyone.

Good thing it's not up to them then.
He doesn't sound picky to me. He sounds like he's eating a decent diet but one which suits his tastes. He's allowed to have preferences even at 3.
I don't like gravy much either so I'm with him on this.

A lot of 3 year olds wouldn't touch a curry or chili!! Just keep offering your son different foods. So what if he doesn't like gravy, not all children do!! Not all children like custard either!! As long as he's eating a balanced diet, and you are trying him with different foods etc, then take no notice of your in-laws.

I haven't read all the posts but I wanted to say I also didn't like gravy for a while and a tomato pasta type sauce goes better with a roast dinner than you would think, especially Yorkshire pudding and, weirdly, stuffing. It is too dry without anything. I'd just bring some with you.

Just a thought—perhaps it’s the colour and texture of the gravy that your son dislikes. Gravy isn’t the most appetising colour, after all. You could try thickening it and changing its colour by mixing it with tomato ketchup, mayonnaise, tomato purée, or even houmous. That way he still gets some gravy, and your PIL can’t reasonably object as he is still eating gravy. You could even get him to mix it himself.....

A three year old who eats chilli, curry and spag Bol is not in the least bit ‘picky’.

Good grief!

This is such a weird thing for OP to have to do for grown adults who could just be happy a child is eating the food they’re given even if they don’t agree on the how instead of making out that having a preference is such an issue.

Gravy is not a necessity or even healthy.

Bet the PIL’s wouldn’t like if someone gave them something they don’t like eating and expected them to eat it.

Weird to think a child should be made to eat gravy of all things.

My child will eat pretty much anything except gravy, despises the stuff. I wouldn't eat a mushroom if you paid me, we all have things we dont like.
The fact he then ate the meal with hummus (not even ketchup or mayo!) I think shows he isn't picky. Your PILs just want him to eat a 'proper roast' as they have an image of the perfect Sunday family meal in their head.

OP has said:

'They didn't want me to offer houmous because that was 'pandering'. They feel we should be not letting him eat anything else and just re offering the dinner until he eats it.'

They want OP and their son to deprive him of any other food until he eats the dinner that he has rejected and to keep offering this at every meal until he forces it down. That's worse than being 'old fashioned' and 'a bit set in their ways'.

That is the way to create a fear of meal times and food and could lead to a lifelong eating disorder. We don't make adults force down food that they hate so why do some people do it to children?

I always accommodate my grandchildrens preferences when they eat with me just as I did with my own children and I would with anyone I was cooking for.
Surely that's what a host should do. Sometimes in the same meal I have to cater for vegetarians, meat lovers, and gluten free family members.
Your parents in law are being unreasonable.

But he did eat the food, just dipped it into hummus. On what planet is ketchup a better offering for a three year old?

Hummus is healthy and nutritious, tomato ketchup is not. Hummus is healthier and more nutritious than gravy which is full of salt and flavourings and not much else.

You'd think that some of the posters on here had experienced rationing with their old fashioned attitudes to children 'eating what they are given' and 'cleaning their plate'.

Pretty much everyone has some foods they dislike and foods they prefer over others.

My 19 month old DS only eats banana, pasta in tomato sauce, peanut butter on toast, yoghurt and weetabix. He has refused to try any new food for the last 3 months. That's picky. Your DS sounds great to me, he's only 3 and he's eating curry, stroganoff and tagine!

I was a picky eater as a child (undiagnosed ND) and I eat a very varied (vegetarian) diet now. Most foods I disliked as a child I will now eat, aside from meat. Not a fan of goats cheese or beetroot. Was made to eat the latter as a child as my grandfather - who despite only eating meat and two veg and no foreign food except pasta, dislikes 'picky eating' in children - had grown the beetroot. Your PIL sound like they're cut from a similar template!

Lots of picky eaters will improve over time, they need to feel safe to try new foods without pressure, though.

I don't see what it's got to do with him. 'something must be done about it'?!

I'd just say 'why? He eats what he likes and his palate is expanding. If he doesn't eat what you give him then no problem. He can eat later.'

Yanbu

“Something must be done” made me snort with laughter! What do they suggest - gravy exposure therapy? Kill or cure with custard?

You cannot force a child to eat. That’s the truth of it.

Find something that pil hate - maybe a spicy meal with kimchi and hundred year old eggs - serve it to PiL on the plate, so no option to avoid the bits they dislike and then declare “something must be done” about them being so picky.

Unless the grandparents are commenting negatively in front of your son and therefore knocking his self esteem, I would just smile and carry on as normal.
Take what they say with a pinch of salt and a pint of bisto

I agree with this. I have to feed my DC seperately when MIL is around because she can't seem to stop herself making negative comments about their eating habits, which make my eldest in particular very anxious.

OP, it sounds ike your son eats a good range of foods. Try not to engage with PIL.

If you want an example of picky behaviour try my friend's now 9yo who doesn't like jam. He will refuse to eat birthday cake at a party if there's jam in the middle. And yet he likes strawberry sauce on ice cream, likes strawberry flavoured things, likes actual strawberries. Likes other spread and sauce type textures. Point blank refusal of strawberry jam (the initial default jam in their house) and won't entertain any trying of any other types of jam either. I'm sure it's just a label in his brain now that he doesn't like jam and if he actually tried it he'd probably enjoy it.

I was a picky child myself and fussy over things like meat on the bone, chewy gristle would put me off mince or sausages, went through phases on the texture of eggs, didn't like things like pickles or chutney always wanted plain cheese sandwiches. I grew out of it but I remember the more pressure put on me to try something the more stubborn I was about it, I had to decide for myself I wanted to try something.

How about we stop saying "picky" and "fussy" and start saying "selective"? Its not your PIL's business and I'd be telling them that and saying if they can't STFU then you won't eat with them.