To disagree that my child is a picky eater- it's a PIL one

[Mnunhie]

My 3 year old (nearly 4) likes mainly 'saucy' meals as he would put it. He likes spag bol, curry, chilli. However he hates gravy. He therefore will not eat shepherds pie, hotpot, and he finds a Sunday roast too dry.
This caused my in-laws great consternation over the Christmas period but it was mainly huffing and puffing and TBF the kids were plied with a lot of chocolate so he didn't eat much dinner anyway.
We have just been to their house again this weekend and it came to Sunday lunch time. DS didn't want the chicken roast dinner he was served, just eating the carrots. I fished out some houmous we had for lunches and then he happily ate his chicken and potatoes with this. However this has pushed PIL over the edge who have declared something must be done about his picky eating.
I feel annoyed by this. I grew up with a sibling who ate nothing but chicken nuggets and biscuits in childhood so perhaps my view of what constitutes picky eating is therefore skewed.
DH said he's only little and he will come to it in his own time. I just feel even if he doesn't, it's just a totally understandable preference!

YABU- Get some Yorkshire pudding down him, he is a picky eater
YANBU- sounds like a normal 4 year old

If you don't want other people's opinions then don't post. Swearing at others doesn't help your cause any, it just shows how rude you are.

🙄 ok.

And your obnoxious reply shows how rude you are!

I’m nearly 64. I’ve never liked gravy 🤢

I don't think your son sounds especially picky. Moreover, if he did, it's down to you how you deal with it.
Picky eating is very much in the eye of the beholder. I eat a range of food, but have some fairly strong dislikes and there are some things I wouldn't be able to make myself eat to be polite (fairly standard things like omelettes). I prepare most of my own food and thus it feels like I eat anything most of the time.
I remember some friends coming to stay with small children and saying they ate 'anything' and then it turned out neither of the kids ate pasta, which was an absolute staple of my own small children's diet.
My son is very much a meat-and-two veg type of eater. One set of his grandparents eat like that and find him a delight to cater for, but struggle with the veggies in the family. The other set hardly eat any meat and eat a lot of thai/indian/middle eastern food. They think he's fussy, but they find my vegetarian, spice-loving daughter easy to feed. I would have been unimpressed if either set of grandparents had said we were 'pandering' though!

yup. All too often the definition of "picky" is "not what I eat"

She didn't post for anyone's opinion. She isn't the OP. She posted in sympathy with the OP saying that she had a truly picky child. She didn't ask for any advice about it.

I'd say he's not picky because of the range of food he eats. I couldn't eat meat and two veg dry, I don't blame him for that, there has to be gallons of gravy for me.
However maybe there's a way round the roast dinner thing. It's still a roast dinner if it has an alternative sauce, maybe cauliflower cheese? Also vitamin is still a vitamin if it has ketchup on.

Do they eat curries/chilli/bolognaise and all the items the child WILL eat??! If not, I’d cook that, then invite them over. When they fuss about what you’ve cooked, tut at them and say “something needs to be done about your fussy eating!!”
in all honesty, ignore your parents in law. It’s non of their business!! Just smile and say “we’re fine, there’s no need for a fuss, I don’t want meal times to become a battle, evidence proves that this causes food relationship issues later in life” if they continue, then gently take your child away. And don’t give them the opportunity to critisise again

Sorry about all the typos in my previous post. For clarification I'll repeat without the typos!

"It's nothing to do with PiL. Ignore them. And if they start just say that you are pleased because he is enjoying the dinner they kindly cooked and a blob of hummus really doesn't constitute a world shattering event"

Tell them to wind their necks in or you won't be going there again any time soon.

Perfectly normal for a four year old. If anything he's doing well at eating as I know plenty of kids older who wouldn't eat that.

😂😂

DHs aunt worked in a university nursery, primarily for staff. The children came from all over the world. They didn’t provide food so they brought their lunch which would reflect the countries they came from, daals, sushi etc.
His aunt and DM thought it was disgusting and how their parents were failing them and they needed to bring them a ‘proper dinner’ and were upset when one of the children said they didn’t like McDonalds.
People have different diets, including household to household I think finding someone who will eat anything anyway is incredibly hard. DH used to complain I undercooked veg because his mum served everything mushy. He wasn’t being fussy, it’s just what he was used to.

why look for a way round?

OP has said that both PILs won't eat mushrooms or any food containing mushrooms. I doubt that if OP cooked mushroom tagliatelli for them they would politely eat it and clear their plates.

If I cook for people I will only provide food that everyone will enjoy because I'm not a twat. I certainly wouldn't deliberately include food that one or more people dislike and expect them to force it down. That's hardly an enjoyable eating experience.

Tell your PILs to mind their own bloody business. Oh, and please do that while serving them up a lovely mushroom biryani. See who's 'picky' then.

Putting gravy on your dinner is compulsory?

Anyway he did eat the dinner - just with hummus

So it would be fine for OP to make a mushroom dish for PIL - knowing they hate them - and call them picky for not eating it!

My real pet hate is people saying they eat everything and then declining lots of meals.

We eat mediterranean style food, and lots of veg and inevitably people will say they eat everything. We then have to check each meal line by line because inevitably they dont like tomatoes/mushroom/chickpeas/ courgette or aubergine. My neice doesn't like pepper and it's a real struggle in our house , but I bet other houses barely notice it.

I've no issues with people having foods they don't like, but its annoying when you deliberately ask, and people tell you they eat anything when theres whole sections they dont.

My inlaws used to call my DC fussy for not eating loaf of bread type slices. Despite the fact as adults theres whole multiple mainstream restaurants that we have to swerve because they only eat really mild, no greasy food that's fairly English in style.

Pan blender bechamel sauce always goes lumpy for me. Don’t know what I would do without it.

It is picky, he may come around, but once there is a psychological block it is almost impossible to remove-it is completely irrational, encouraging irrationality isn't going to bring good things down the line.
Just eating chicken nuggets and biscuits goes way beyond picky- my brother was like this , he is now in his 60's and has serious medical issues which are threatening his life, because of his diet.

I really don’t understand how so many people think not liking gravy is picky given the whole list of other things your child eats.

I'm with your 3 year old - gravy is usually disgusting and spoils a meal. I have never liked it and never will. I once ruined my Christmas dinner about the age of 12 because someone had slopped gravy on it, and no scraping it off again does not make it better because that disgusting gravy had touched my food!

having food dislikes is irrational? on what planet? I'd be interested to know how your brother's selectivity was handled?

Because it's not in anyone's interests to have conflict over something so trivial.
I don't understand why anyone would not want to consider compromise over confrontation? A way round this means the child is happy and will eat the meal , PILs are happy because he's eating the meal, OP is happy because - peace.
Life is hard enough.

I don’t like tuna. Never have. I won’t touch it. Hate the look, smell and taste. Should I have tuna forced down my throat? Should I be held down and forced to eat a tuna sandwich?

The OP did not say her son only eats chicken nuggets and biscuits - where did you get that from? And your brother’s situation has nothing to do with the OP’s post: there is a vast amount of difference between preferring hummus to gravy and only eating chicken nuggets and biscuits.