To disagree that my child is a picky eater- it's a PIL one

[Mnunhie]

My 3 year old (nearly 4) likes mainly 'saucy' meals as he would put it. He likes spag bol, curry, chilli. However he hates gravy. He therefore will not eat shepherds pie, hotpot, and he finds a Sunday roast too dry.
This caused my in-laws great consternation over the Christmas period but it was mainly huffing and puffing and TBF the kids were plied with a lot of chocolate so he didn't eat much dinner anyway.
We have just been to their house again this weekend and it came to Sunday lunch time. DS didn't want the chicken roast dinner he was served, just eating the carrots. I fished out some houmous we had for lunches and then he happily ate his chicken and potatoes with this. However this has pushed PIL over the edge who have declared something must be done about his picky eating.
I feel annoyed by this. I grew up with a sibling who ate nothing but chicken nuggets and biscuits in childhood so perhaps my view of what constitutes picky eating is therefore skewed.
DH said he's only little and he will come to it in his own time. I just feel even if he doesn't, it's just a totally understandable preference!

YABU- Get some Yorkshire pudding down him, he is a picky eater
YANBU- sounds like a normal 4 year old

Yanbu but it is rude to give hummus with food you have been served. He won't starve.

He can always have snack on the way home.

It's also rude to serve food your guests don't like :)

Yes, he is picky. If you pander to it that's up to you but we were always told if you are at someone else's house and they are good enough to cook for you then you should have the manners to eat it, even if you don't particularly like it!

Op ignore them your dc your rules you can’t expect a kid to eat something he doesn’t like because an adult tells you to. If they don’t like it tell them you will eat at home and you don’t want food to become an issue he likes what he likes. Old school you get what you are given. No not any more irs more important he eats than starves because he doesn’t like the taste. How would Pil like it if someone gave them something they didn’t like and said you don’t get anything else until have eaten all of that doesn’t matter you don’t like it. No from me.

I had the exact same issues. My child would never eat at the in laws.

just grit your teeth and dont bite. It’s a non issue

Tell your PIL your DS isn’t fussy, he just doesn’t like overcooked, dry roast dinners 😈

I’m mostly joking

Your DS doesn’t sound fussy at all, it sounds like he’s a great eater

To build up good eating habits, you gotta play the long game. It’s a slow, gradual and staggered process. My DD is seven and today for I think the first time in her life she tasted and ate a serving of peas, and declared they were lovely. Seven years and she finally tried them. Kids go at their own pace in exploring what they like to eat. Your child is doing just fine, don’t worry what other people say. You know what pace he needs. He will explore wider foods when he’s ready (usually coincides with a growth spurt in my experience).

He doesn’t sound picky for his age, and anyway I don’t think picky eating when really young matters - they grow out of it.

I was pretty picky as a child and now eat everything (within reason - probably wouldn’t eat a giant fried spider or that sort of thing).

Your PIL have selective amnesia methinks!

I think you’re going to have to try and take a deep breath and not let it get to you ? Can you say he’s so excited and pleased to see them that’s it’s distracting him from eating ? A bit of flattery never hurts!

So if I go to someone's house I MUST add gravy to my roast dinner even if they make crap gravy and it will ruin the dinner?

Yeah. Even if you’re only three.

The mum says he eats "wet" food in other dishes, so yes. I never had the time or budget to indulge my toddlers by making separate food. I also brought them up to have manners, especially at someone else's home. You do you.

Thanks for the responses only just got chance to catch up!

Well, I'd never force him to eat anything, as that's not going to help him like it long term or set him up for a good relationship with food in my view. Manners is one thing but I don't think a 3 year old should have to make himself so uncomfortable and have to do something he finds unpleasant for others.

I felt all smug until he was 2.5 as he ate absolutely everything and then he started refusing things and only eating pasta and cheese sandwiches. We have worked over the last 18 months at expanding out from that, with good results.
PIL do eat a very British diet whilst DH & I eat more of a 'world foods' type diet, and so to DS shepherd's pie etc is the weird alien food. You are all correct that if I offered something even with mushrooms in to my PIL they would gag. They were baffled a while ago when I got a bulk buy of chopped tomatoes, wondering what we could possibly use them for.

I think what's triggered this as well is nephew has started weaning and eating everything, they seem to have forgotten that DS used to eat everything too. They made quite a few comments over Christmas that were a bit pointed about how DN was enjoying it and starting good habits.

Previously they've tended to do sausage and mash and they'd do baked beans for DS to use as a sauce- this was acceptable to them apparently!

I might try some of the suggested recipes for gravy or 'jus' to try expand his repertoire a bit but with absolutely no pressure.

DH said we won't be going for dinner there for a while, we will meet them elsewhere where DS can make a menu choice.

I’m not trying to bully 😵‍💫😵‍💫
But your personal opinion of not liking 1 food product makes you a picky eater is ridiculous 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes I would be pissed off if someone covered a roast dinner with ketchup.

Houmous isn't a sauce to me it's a dip. Basically I think you should eat the food as it is served to you rather than dicking about with it. ( Born 1976, raised by boomers).

Doesn't sound picky, it sounds like he just has opinions and preferences.

At one point my then toddler refused to eat pizza 😳😳😳😳 Thankfully we eventually worked through it and he has since come to his senses, but it lasted over a year! Point is, it didn't make him fussy (he would gladly eat lentil curry!!) it just meant that he had an opinion. Admittedly a completely outrageous and incorrect opinion, but an opinion nonetheless.

Omitting gravy is bad manners! There's one I never learned. Yeah, I think I will do me.

It is not indulging your child not to force them to eat something they don’t like and is particularly unhealthy to begin with.

If an adult moaned about me not putting gravy on my roast dinner, I questioned why and tell them I’d actually like to taste what they made without sauce.

If your roast needs gravy then likely it isn’t that good to begin with.

I wish my 3 year old was as “picky” as yours. I can’t even get her to eat foods! Beans and 1 type of packet pasta is the only “main meal” she will eat and that’s getting harder. She’s running off smoothie and fresh air!

He's THREE YEARS OLD. He doesn't understand that it's considered "bad manners" to not like gravy (in some weird circles). And honestly, while I'm usually pretty good at eating what I'm served when someone feeds me, if it was something I really couldn't stomach (squid for example) I would have no issue with telling them I didn't like the food. So why would anyone think a three year old should be forced to eat for politeness sake?

If ketchup or hummus helped my child eat the food put in front of her, as much as it wouldn't be my choice for a roast dinner, then have at it, fill your boots. I'd rather she ate than didn't.

We have a nearky adult son like this!!
When he was younger I said something like 'why do yo have to put sauce on (Sunday dinner)?' He immediately came back with why do you have to put gravy on?

I changed my tune after that because he was right! There's no laws saying you must have and like gravy, although I know some people would be horrified that hes allowed red sauce on a Sunday dinner!!

“DS eats a wide range of food and he’s not being picky just because he doesn’t like gravy. It’s abusive to force feed a child; you may have done that to your children or had it done to you but that won’t be happening to my child” accompanied by a death stare.

Might shut them up?

By UK standards, he doesn't sound fussy at all and you sound very reasonable, and them rude, so I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Personally though, living in a different country with different food cultures - going to get an alternative for your child because they don't like one part of the provided meal would be considered rude. A child choosing to not eat something is fine, we all like and dislike things, but the parent then getting their own alternative wouldn't be considered good parenting.

The reason why is that children's tastes change and develop, so what they dislike now, won't be a dislike in the future. Your son doesn't like gravy now, and that is fine... but if gravy is part of that meal/dish, it would be provided every time, and everyone else would eat it, and every time he would be offered it. The narrative given to the child is that its ok to not like it now, but they will one day when they are a bit older. Chances are, at various points he would try, and at some stage in his childhood he will suddenly start to like gravy.

What I see in the U.K. is that disliking lots of foods is normalized, so instead of children growing up believing that they will eventually like things, they are told that it normal to dislike so many things. They are then provided alternatives. So the dislike becomes fixed - they grow up always knowing that they hate "X" food, and it is normal for people to hate foods, and it is ok for food to be swapped around to suite their dislikes.

Actually what I've seen in friends and family is that the stage of suddenly liking things can happen a lot later in the U.K. late teens, even as a student, when people almost get a reset and start to try lots of new things with new groups of people who give them subtle social "pressure" to explore and be open about eating.

I'm probably not explaining it very well.. but it isn't about forcing children to eat things, it is about a food culture where having a lot of dislikes is not the norm, and there is an expectation from everyone that you will grow out of young fussiness. I know this won't be a popular response in the U.K. but given the country's problems with childhood fussiness, healthy eating and obesity.. I'm not sure that the "correct" attitudes in the U.K. are actually working....

Yes I would be pissed off if someone covered a roast dinner with ketchup.

But covering with a horrible brown coloured sauce - gravy - you’re somehow okay with? You do realise this is very silly double standards don’t you?

i hate gravy. i happily eat a dry roast dinner. and no shepherds pie, etc too. its a texture/taste preference. its not picky. i'd say that if they dont allow him to have choices, you wont go for dinner. how rude of them. i am totally on your son's side. gravy makes me shudder!

Look I was just taught to eat food how it was presented to me, I did the same with my DC. Adapting a mealsome one has cooked whether for yourself or some one else (food is presented how the chef intended) is just rude