To disagree that my child is a picky eater- it's a PIL one

[Mnunhie]

My 3 year old (nearly 4) likes mainly 'saucy' meals as he would put it. He likes spag bol, curry, chilli. However he hates gravy. He therefore will not eat shepherds pie, hotpot, and he finds a Sunday roast too dry.
This caused my in-laws great consternation over the Christmas period but it was mainly huffing and puffing and TBF the kids were plied with a lot of chocolate so he didn't eat much dinner anyway.
We have just been to their house again this weekend and it came to Sunday lunch time. DS didn't want the chicken roast dinner he was served, just eating the carrots. I fished out some houmous we had for lunches and then he happily ate his chicken and potatoes with this. However this has pushed PIL over the edge who have declared something must be done about his picky eating.
I feel annoyed by this. I grew up with a sibling who ate nothing but chicken nuggets and biscuits in childhood so perhaps my view of what constitutes picky eating is therefore skewed.
DH said he's only little and he will come to it in his own time. I just feel even if he doesn't, it's just a totally understandable preference!

YABU- Get some Yorkshire pudding down him, he is a picky eater
YANBU- sounds like a normal 4 year old

Why assume it is a stage?

He’s had gravy before and foods that have a similar texture to gravy and simply doesn’t like gravy. OP has listed plenty of foods that her son eats yet not liking gravy ‘omg, what a picky child’?

Not liking gravy doesn’t make someone picky. It just mean someone does not like gravy, simple as that.

It’s just weird to me to assume pickiness because a child doesn’t like a certain condiment/ sauce yet the same wouldn’t be said about an adult.

Are people really policing what others put on their roast? Are they going to be questioning why someone is not eating gravy on it?

As long as the child eats their meal, why does it matter what the condiment is?

I wonder if it's the gravy that is at fault, seeing as he likes other sauces and fairly strong flavours too. And i wouldn't blame him at all if the gravy in question is thick brown floury sludge with not much flavour at all. IMO Bisto type gravies are just coloured cornflour, and are the death knell to many a fine roast.
Make it with just the meat juices from the roast, plus possibly a chicken or beef 'stockpot' a tiny slug of sherry or Madeira or similar sweetish wine, and vegetable water, boil it all up till it's reduced slightly. Then add something slightly sweet, a spoonful of redcurrant jelly for lamb, some apple sauce or stewed and pureed apple for pork, cranberry sauce for poultry, perhaps a star anise or prune puree for beef. Not too much, one or two teaspoond. No Thickening. Cook it all together for several minutes and taste for seasoning.
And don't call it gravy - it's jus or sauce.
When he's older you csn increase the amount of alcohol, it is mostly cooked off anyway and it adds greatly to the flavour without being obviously alcoholic.

He doesn’t sound fussy or picky at all .
Will he eat drier foods like crisps ?
just wondering if it’s a texture/ swallowing thing and that’s why he likes saucy foods

He’s the opposite of one of my boys who really dislikes saucy meals but loves gravy 🤣 he eats pretty much everything except curry, or bolognese (including lasagne, cottage pie etc). He loves a roast but that because he smothers it in gravy, and he likes stews and casseroles. I do describe mine as a bit picky as there are just those few fairly standard things he doesn’t like, but I never do it in a negative way. He just has preferences, he still eats all fruit and veg and most other things. Compared to my other son who will eat anything, the younger one is pickier but not a ‘fussy eater’ which is a phrase I hate.

theres nothing wrong with knowing what you like and don’t like, as long as it doesn’t get too limiting I suppose.

I would say the same about an adult who doesn't like gravy, but I'm not for one moment policing what they put on their roast, or suggesting that "it matters".

As someone who'll eat virtually anything and who enjoys a vast range of cuisines, it's unsurprising that I'd regard someone who won't eat gravy as "picky".

But unlike the OP's in-laws, I wouldn't treat it as a "problem" - people can be as picky as they wish.

Never in my life have I ever had/put garlic in shepherd's pie. I'm shook 😂

I don't think your son is picky; we're all entitled to our likes and dislikes. And if he ate his dinner with a slight modification, then you are to be commended, in my opinion. Forcing him to eat gravy at his grandparents won't make him like gravy. It will make him dread going to visit and probably put him off trying anything new and unfamiliar.

My brother in law hates gravy. He had his roast with cranberry/mint/whatever sauce (which I dislike 😂).

I’m similar, just disagree that not liking gravy makes someone picky.

Of all the condiments in the world, gravy is not one I would call someone picky over.. well any condiment for that matter, simply preference.

Or just don’t have gravy as it really isn’t compulsory.

I’m with your little boy.
If I had a choice, I would never eat another roast dinner in my life!
I don’t particularly like gravy and I think a roast dinner is boring as anything.
He is not picky at all. Let them moan about it but you know your little chap and he sounds fine to me.

Not their business. Your husband should explain that child's eating is not a problem, and tell them to stop commenting.

He’s 3, of course YANBU! Sounds like he eats a wide range of foods, I’d love my 3 year old to eat chicken, potatoes, carrot and hummus (he’d only eat the hummus).

I have one child who will eat anything and then my 3 year old who is a largely dry beige eater. He won’t eat any vegetables. He would never go near a roast, chicken (that’s not breaded), chill, curry and he thinks potato in any form is poison.

I have tried a lot and if he’s pushed his foods become more limited (I’m as sure as I can be that he’s not neurodivergent and just a fussy eater) but I can’t see him only eating porridge, cheese sandwiches, fruit and pasta for the rest of his life. Don’t let your PIL put any pressure on him, ignore them, sounds like he’s eating well!

I guess that say he didn’t like houmous they would be okay with that if they don’t like it.
MIL was unhappy DD had spag Bol in a restaurant and not lasagne like her because she didn’t like spag bol. She complained it wasn’t a proper meal. DD was 2

I don't think your son sounds like at all like a picky eater. People of your parents-in-laws generation have different ideas as to what constitutes being a picky eater. My ex-MIL would frequently say that my DD was overly fussy with food because she didn't like offal of any sort,and wasn't mad about cabbage or Brussel sprouts. To my mind,not liking offal is a pretty common food dislike,among children AND adults,myself included. And how many kids do you know who love cabbage or sprouts?

Ignore pil nothing to do with them just because he won't eat a Sunday roast I find them just ok he is 4.
He is used to your meals thats all.

My son hates gravy I've never thought that makes him fussy he still eats a roast just with ketchup or cranberry sauce instead

I think that he is a bit of a picky eater I’m afraid. Generally, I expect my child to eat everything put in front of them. It’s fine not to like gravy, as it’s generally an optional extra, but you can’t then complain about the meal being dry!

Life is so much easier if you will eat pretty much anything, so I think it’s worth encouraging kids to eat everything. Personal preferences are fine, of course, but it’s good to get to the point where they will eat what they’re given when a guest in someone else’s house (in my view).

Stop going there for meals.
It is unnecessarily stressful because of you PILs.

In a normal house you feed them whatever is as healthy as possible and be glad their fed, without comment, in my experience.

Life is too short.
Forget meals going forward.

Dh still doesn't like gravy very much. He does though like butter on his mash and veg. And he did eat my carefully constructed lamb and red wine jus(gravy) on Sunday.

I dont have gravy on my sunday dinner. I dip my food in ketchup. Im significantly older than your DS

This

Now I love gravy but have recently become unable to eat onions and it’s nearly impossible to find out without them in - trace amounts.

And in with your lad - all of those meals without gravy are dry and not very nice !

Have you tried roast dinner with bread sauce? We had it on our Christmas dinner instead of gravy as we had bechamel potatoes instead of roast potatoes and loved it. I do moussaka as an alternative to shepherds/cottage pie. DD can’t have mash.

My ds never used to like fish on its own.But I used to mix it with potatoes butter and cheese and do a little pie for him with veg on the side. He loves fish on it’s own now though.

Make your own gravy with meat, veg juices chicken stock and cornflour. It’s much nicer than made with gravy granules.

Sounds like pil want to pick what your child eats. Lol

I really don't like British gravy / roasty / dry food. Get some massaman and curried goat down him to shut them up.

They just want him to eat British food.