First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

Oh please don't feel bad, I imagine with reflection he will be justifiably quite relieved if you call it a day right now.

It's fine to take time before a first date, but first date should be just a coffee imho.
Anything else seems a bit expectant and possibly a bit desperate (on his part)

Really want to know where in town you were supposed to be going and where you're ending up. Adams to Mr egg?

Poor fucker is probably worried about how much all this will cost. Id do him a favour and call it off. You sound like a materialistic bore.

Just seen that he did a sulky baby voice. Bin at once! He's probably a romance scammer or something.

You don’t really know him now … only what he wants you to know 🤷‍♀️

Maybe this is his test, to see whether you're only interested in him for his money 🤔

It seems like you're more interested in the restaurant than meeting him, which isn't a good vibe really.

If the fancy dinner was off the table, would you actually want a date with him? If not, then it's probably best to move on now.

you buy a new outfit for every dinner with friends or night out??

You don't sound particularly interested in him or well matched. Best for everyone if you let this one go I think.

You sound hard work

If you were clear about your expectations, then why don't you ask him to rearrange for a night when he can take you to a restaurant that you do want to go to.

I wouldn't date like you, but that is neither here nor there. @Brummytobites if you are have communicated clearly about the kind of "dating" you want to do and this is falling short, then if you can be bothered, you give him the opportunity to rectify that. If you are too "icked out" by his failure to plan tonight properly, then move on to the next one.

I think the restaurant bit is irrelevant But there are lots of other red flags. The intensity, the emotional sharing, the need to meet quickly, the repeated pressure to overcome your boundaries, promising you the world (only to fail to deliver). It’s all coming across as at best someone who is avoidant, at worst someone far more manipulative and darker.

You are not looking for love are you? You just want a financially comfortable bloke ,for whom you can dress up so he can take you to nice places that you can then put on Insta. Nothing wrong with that but please make sure he knows that.

If I was meeting a complete stranger I’d just want to grab a coffee, get a feel for them and then decide if I wanted to commit to a fancy date somewhere. It’s different if you’ve met in a bar and spoken as then you’ve already had that quick face to face interaction.

If it’s a deal breaker for you then just stop things now. You say he wants to go somewhere fancy too but if he really did then surely after failing to secure this booking he would have sought out something better?

I think it’s interesting that this is how you react to someone making a mistake, which obviously we all make at some point. What are your expectations? How would you want him to react if you’d made that mistake, and are those expectations consistent?

Because yes, this is giving princess vibes.

Have you never made a mistake? Yes, we know it's important to you to go on a swanky first date, but assuming he messed up by accident, it seems a bit over the top to have "the ick" over one mistake.

You are clearly not compatible, and have different expectations in what you want in a relationship. You have never even met in person, just call it quits.

A sulky baby voice

😬

In what way did he mess the booking up, OP?

You mean the situation of being able to cut the date short if you’re not feeling it, and not wasting weeks chatting to someone online who you just don’t gel with in real life? Yeah, why would anyone want to that.

You sound very young op.

"Finer things in life" 😂

He did a baby voice? 😂

You both sound amazing.

This is just wild.

Regardless of whether a first date should be at “fancy” venue this chap has let you down before you have even met him. It doesn’t sound very promising.

Yes. He has FaceTimed me every opportunity he’s had which has been excessive tbh. At first it was nice but it’s become an expectation for multiple hours a day now

because I value my time

It doesn't make sense to me that you would invest hours of your time into a stranger if you value your time? Havnt you wasted a month of your own time and mental energy on this man now?

I think your saying all the things of someone who has high standards for themselves, but you actually don't 🙈

By your own admission he kept having to amend the dates because you wanted to put it off. It’s not like he just never made the booking, and you had a hand in the reason why it kept being moved. He did make the effort but there’s been a mistake along the line due to the back and forth. If you can’t accommodate that I think perhaps the relationship (possibly any relationship!) isn’t for you.

Maybe you are new to dating people you meet online but the best thing is to chat then chat on phone then meet up for coffee short date then if you like each other another casuel date, what if you get there and hate him you will have to eat dinner and that will be aweful, and im guessing you expect him to pay,.and yes you are being a princess and also a guy can really like you but if you expect him to pay its a huge red flag for him,