First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

Not sure about the baby thing, I don"t think the OP will go for that.....she seems to be looking for a "footballer" or a "major influencer"? Scam would need some purpose, usually the scammer is totally in control from early on, a bad result for a scammer would be a 40 page "Princess" thread discussing how useless he is?

If you had a genuine connection with someone an "arrangement" being messed up wouldn"t even be on the radar.

This culture is ending though, it is now a joke (see some of the comments here for example) 70"s, 80"s and 90"s kids just accepted they were not actually that cool anymore and went about their business, I think the mental damage to the social media generation as Instagram etc. just becomes another "whatever" will be far greater, they are so much more addicted and invested in all this nonsense?

Speaking as someone who preferred a walking date in a big coat, I can completely see where you are coming from.

You set out who you are and what your expectations are very clearly to him. It doesn’t matter if other posters don’t agree with your values or lifestyle, that’s not the point. The point is that he matched your energy, acted as if he shares your values and lifestyle, and then fell at the first hurdle. And the hurdle was just booking a table at an agreed restaurant on the agreed date. AND then he bypassed the many other options he could have taken to resolve it, and suggested places you’ve made clear wouldn’t work for you.

Its either deliberate, to see if he is able to trample over your boundaries, or he’s just full of hot air and was mirroring you to make him seem more appealing.

Haha brilliant. I’m more of a Wetherspoons and maccies girl, so for me Miller and Carter is posh!

There’s a lot of overthinking on this thread, given it’s a first date between strangers. Maybe he was “testing” her. Maybe he talked the talk but didn’t have the wallet to match. Maybe he was lovebombing. No one knows and who cares anyway? The OP is better suited to someone equally focused on - and willing to pay for - the superficial things in life and values those over making a real connection with someone, getting to know them as a real person, and then perhaps sharing some nice experiences they both enjoy.

Haha, I agree. What a bloody palaver over a first date. Maybe I'm getting old?

And maybe the restaurant WAS fully booked.

If I knew which one, I'd bloody well ring and ask myself given the storm in a teacup.

You are being unreasonable about the change of venue but I’m also concerned you don’t notice what is clearly love bombing! Promising you the world when you haven’t even met?!!! Run!

I think our princess’ point is that if he’d booked it pronto when they decided on it, it wouldn’t have been fully booked. Either way, she’s spent a lot of time thinking about how badly-done-to she’s been as a result of this minor inconvenience. I hope she never has to face any real disappointments in life as resilience seems lacking.

He's just desperate to have a chance at a shag and didn't even book the place. He hasn't "messed it up" he's full of shit.

Sorry OP but guys who like to pretend this is the norm for them don't fuck up a little restaurant reservation.

Cut your losses.

You can have the ick for whatever reason you like. It is a bit annoying if he’s been badgering to see you sooner and then when it was arranged, couldn’t even be arsed to make a restaurant booking. I mean how difficult is it

@user1485851222

so if you’d have known about it, he’d have assumed you were a “regular drinker” and binned you off?? How judgmental and puritanical

Jesus..I feel sorry for this guy

Actually neither of us are big drinkers. It was merely an observation on his part. My ex drank like a fish and was moody and unpredictable with drink. My husbands ex drank every night at home and spent a small fortune on wine. It was very refreshing for both of us to meet someone for drinking was not a huge thing!

Not unreasonable to have a preference for someone who doesn't spend a lot of time and/or money on drinking. Especially if it's not something you particularly enjoy yourself.

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who wanted to be in the pub every weekend/night, because that's not how I want to spend my time. Yes separate hobbies and interest are a good thing but I don't want to be on my own half the time with DC while my partner is off drinking.

Perfectly acceptable requirement for a partnership.

My ex was an alcoholic. I’d be judgy as hell over someone’s drinking habits.

Sounds like he's a bit ott if he's messaging and over sharing and I doubt he had any intentions of taking you there. I would scrub round this one too. I was meant to be meeting someone once who made a bunch of promises about the evening then it never happened because he was full of shit. He still messages now from time to time and I'm not interested now.

I feel sorry for the poor bloke....I think you'd be a nightmare to date!

I feel sorry for the bloke....you must be a nightmare to date! Why couldn't you just meet up for a coffee before splashing out on nails and a fancy outfit? You may not even get on well together and decide not to meet again! 🤷‍♀️

@BunnyLake

you can enjoy going to the pub to socialise with friends etc and not be an alcoholic. Not everyone who enjoys alcohol is an alcoholic

Well I know that, I’m not teetotal but I think people are within their rights to judge a prospective partner’s drinking habits. So yes there will be judgement, but that doesn’t mean the judgement will deem you guilty.

I always do coffee for a first date - if it goes well it can lead on to dinner, sightseeing, one first date basically lasted six days as he just stayed and we got on so well. But I've had some where even a coffee is too long to want to get away. He sounds nice, possibly attachment issues (can relate) and possibly not so organised (also can relate), but I'd give him a chance - I've had guys who deliberately don't plan things as I can tell they just want to move it to their house, but if he's desperately trying to find an alternative I'd give him the benefit of the doubt

OP: Am I acting like a princess?

93% of MN: Yes, you are.

OP: No, I'm not.

93% of MN: No, you are. Really.

OP: Well, that's because I'm a princess.

That sounds like a really shallow, sad existence 😔. Imagine 'aspiring' to that.