First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

YANBU to be disappointed in the change of venue. Making him wait so long for a first date does seem unreasonable. It's also a bit of a red flag that you are both doing a lot of sharing emotionally. Be a bit wary to keep yourself safe.

I'd just let him know you still want to meet but you are a little disappointed by the change in venue to somewhere less fancy. That you were really excited to go on the fancy first date. His reaction will say a lot. Maybe he will offer to make it up to you with a fancy second date, maybe he will step up and find somewhere else to take you this weekend. I would still go even if he doesn't change venue. If the venue is more low-key perhaps wear something older and save the new outfit. Be sure to share the details of the date with a friend and have the friend check in with you during the date, and after when you are home safe. Enjoy and look after yourself.

You balk at the idea of a coffee but no problem investing in a new dress and nails for a stranger?

Doesnt make sense.

The sulky baby voice when you tried to cancel would give me the ick big time and I wouldn’t pursue this any further on that basis. This man sounds like he was desperately trying to be what you wanted him to be by saying all the right things but it seems it was an act. If he’s falling short of your expectations before you’ve even met him then it doesn’t bode well for the future.

You sound totally naive about online dating. Most first dates are awful - a casual coffee is best. Online intimacy is no indication of how you will enjoy each other's company.

Totally agree , why play games for weeks ??
have a chat make a date, what does the extra weeks do ?

and yes you are being a princess , why should he give you the world ? Are you giving him the world ??what does that even mean exactly?

I think you are being movie film romantic and a bit it but I suppose if that’s what you are both into you are well suited

How old are you?

Have you spoken on FaceTime / similar, yet?

I think I remember your other posts, OP. Which were also about money and how you felt people were taking advantage of your financial status.

Assuming you're one and the same...money is your entire personality. Then you're shocked that people can't keep up with your standards and that you feel compelled to subsidise them. Maybe if you laid off the "princess', 'new outfit every time you leave the house', 'like the finer things in life' vibe that you have going on, you might find some genuine people to spend time with.

Are you Mariah Carey ffs?

It’s disappointing, but if you want to go on a date with this guy, go somewhere else. You can go to the fancy place on a future date. If you’re not bothered about a date with him, don’t go on one no matter the venue.

You are being pathetic, why have such a high stakes first date with a new dress and nails.

The Baby Voiced High Earner and The Princess with the Nail Appointment

The new best seller by Hans Christian Anderson.

Keep the fancy outfit for if it goes well and you go to the fancy restaurant on date 2 or 3 or whatever.

For what it’s worth, anything other than casual for a first date is just awkward. Trapped until the end of the meal if you’re uncomfortable or just not feeling it, and trying to get to know each other inbetween mouthfuls of food. Not to mention that if you’re not keen then when it comes to paying at the end you either split it and feel like you’ve spent a lot of money on a meal that you didn’t enjoy or he insists on paying and you either feel too awkward to say you don’t want to see him again because he’s spent money on you, or you do say it and get a shitty reaction because he’s just paid loads for the meal.

I also think if you’re that bothered about going to that specific venue then it’s likely you care about that more than the date and if you don’t go you might be doing you both a favour.

Sorry yes you say he’s been FaceTiming you for hours a day at times.

I can smell something.. it isn’t a pea ..

Yes

‘Yes. He has FaceTimed me every opportunity he’s had which has been excessive tbh. At first it was nice but it’s become an expectation for multiple hours a day now’

Always this. You need to really meet the person before you invest emotionally.

OP, you're coming across as shallow, pretentious and, quite frankly, not very likeable.
Your priorities appear to be his "extremely high income" love of the finer things in life and a destination, Instagram friendly venue for a first date.
With respect, he could be telling you what you want to hear, the reality may be very different.
As could you, to him.
I agree that he sounds very insecure and needy, calling all the time, but you could have chosen NOT to talk to him every time he called, but you didn't.
I think you've led him on and are now getting cold feet.
I also think he's getting cold feet.
You're not compatible.

To be honest his wanting to treat you like a Princess and “ give you the world “ are both red flags. As is his pushing you to agree to an earlier date than you wanted.

But if you enjoy that heavy pursuit fair enough, although worth being at least aware of them . The problem with all the talk in advance is it’s just that. Talk. You can only actually know/judge someone on what they actually do. He is now showing you who he is. He is someone who hasn’t done what he said he would. I’d pay attention to that.

She should just choose a fancy coffee shop with lovely single estate coffee. It’s not like it has to be Costa.

Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned

I so confused by this. So he kept changing the restaurant booking, even though you were holding firm on a later date, why? Why on earth would he keep booking for dates you hadn't agreed to? He obviously should have booked for the agreed date from the start, but is it really the end of the world that the restaurant is fully booked? Just go another day. I'd be more bothered about his 'mens role' bollocks.

Also, stop believing strangers on the Internet when they tell you they want to 'give you world', don't you see what utter nonscence that is? He doesn't even know you.

I wonder why you have ex's hhmmm

You wonder when they find time for all the high earning.

Should’ve met sooner. emotionally sharing with people you haven’t met reeks of love bombing and over familiarity.

you are being a drama llama and creating hoops he doesn’t know exists.

find somewhere of similar calibre and keep it moving. It can’t be the only nice restaurant

I doubt her imagination stretches that far.

I think you are a screaming red flag tbh. This all sounds absolutely crackers. First dates with strangers are meant to be soon and casual. This all sounds completely batshit.

Why on earth are you doing this to yourself?!

I might approach dating slightly differently than you but i can still understand you getting the ick.

Basically his actions don’t match his words and this is always a red flag. As another poster said, Mumsnet is full of unreliable and inconsistent men who are full of big chat but cannot be relied upon.

I would be annoyed that he’d messed up one simple tasking. Especially as all the backwards-and-forwards were due to him trying to override your clearly stated preference for when you want to meet.

Personally i would meet him somewhere else soon. But go in with the expectation that his reality will not live up to the expectation he’s created. And then - if this proves to be the case - just walk away at that point without wasting any more time.