First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

Well it sounds like you're both absolutely shit at dating. Neither of you gets the point of an emotional relationship. It's all about the performance with both of you. If you want to be happy, forget about him and resolve this in yourself before trying again. Or if you want your life to be an act, carry on.

It’s very sad that you think making an effort means he needs to splash the cash whilst you get your nails done and buy a pretty outfit. That isn’t how relationships work…

Sadly it's life, it doesn't always go to plan, if you're both desperate to go to this particular place can't you just arrange the big date for another time?

So my take. A few weeks of you both talking up a storm about the finer things in life etc., and he has come to the realisation (in his mind) that you're shaping up to play the hard to please and hard to get card, and he now assumes he is unlikely to get you into bed at the end of this long-awaited date-night. So he is baulking at the expense of the restaurant, as he knows he's paying full whack after all his princess guff, but he wants to save face whilst keeping you on the back-burner because he's invested so much time in all this online chat that he needs to have some sort of outcome, but at the same time he doesn't want to be led a merry dance of ponying up for expensive dates (regardless of whether you offer to pay your share or not - he has already typecast himself as the one who pays). So he engineers a calendar mix-up because in his eyes it's all starting to sound like it might not be worth it. Of course, he's not going to tell you that though.

Surely the occasion is meeting him?????? So yes, you do sound like a complete Princess

@Brummytobites I agree with the former poster, first he love bombs you then he tests you to see how much you'll take. If he wanted to, he would. I'd call it a lucky escape.

this post has irritated the crap out of me

My thoughts exactly!

Fancy restaurants are surely for the third date

a first date is low key, in the pub. No huge
expectations

this chap is having cold feed. He’s not for you. You could have found that out before wasting weeks and weeks chatting over text and getting your hopes up

You buy a new outfit every time you go for a meal with friends? I'm fascinated by this! Do you have several wardrobes full of outfits? Or do you sell them after wearing them?

You have very different dating expectations to me but I guess it's a good thing to decide what you want and walk away if you're not getting it though. I agree with lots of previous posters that a short, low stakes date early on is an easier way to check whether you're actually interested in and compatible with someone.

You dont have to justify your expectations whatever they happen to be. Surely the beginning of a relationship is exactly the time to have your stall set out, so to speak. I must be honest though, my blood ran cold at "sulky baby voice" I honestly would end it there. That is more ick than any self respecting woman should put up with. To be fair, I get the total ick from needy men, silly voices from men, women and anyone over 5 yrs old. Theres something not quite right here OP, too many red flags already so run for the hills.

He mucked up the booking and now sounds a bit clingy, I think you already know the answer!

Doesn’t sound like much fun to me. I might be very old fashioned but I like the idea of having a drink and shifting the face of someone and coming home with a beard rash. And actually having a good laugh with them.

🤣🤣🤣

i have spent my life substituting my other half and my friends (which I have posted about multiple times and been told I’m a mug and I’m too generous)

Do you mean subsidising?

Absolutely this! Forever!!
Why would you lower your standards or expectations??
Men are not the prize! Stick to your standards lady.
And I think he's basically shown you he's all talk and no action.
And the ick never goes away.
Continue being a princess. When it comes to being spoilt, nobody spoils me more than me. When a man says he wants to, great. But I'm stiff competition xx

My gosh to make such a big deal about this is beyond me - I can imagine it’s more about image and how you look on social media with portraying a certain lifestyle than finding a genuine connection. Yes, you can most certainly like the finer things in life but not necessarily on a first date. Waste of time and money if you end up not liking each other face to face.

Ewww ...

Why ask if you’re BU to then shut down every one saying, that ya, you are being unreasonable and a bit of a dick tbh

I think you’re being a princess but so what?

It’s annoying he messed up the one thing he said he’d do and tbh his other behaviour is even weirder.

Just to add though my ex husband is very wealthy, we met as teenagers and he comes from a wealthy family and he went on to earn highly himself. He totally wined and dined me and bought me expensive clothes jewellery, presents, holidays and lovely restaurants etc. He is a complete prick . He is a nasty nasty man . We were married and have two children and he has been a diabolical father. All those things mean and meant absolutely nothing.

So I guess what I’m saying is look for someone who is kind, will treat you right and not just taking you to fancy restaurants.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying those places and I get it, it’s sexy for dating and good for you to be able to afford it yourself too! He sounds icky but not because he effed up a booking . More because he sounds wet, and long term that is going to drive you nuts.

What age are you? Have you had any past relationships that worked?

I hope you are 13 as you will hopefully have time to grow out of being this insufferable.

He literally doesn’t feel the same. As he hasn’t made the booking. You’re high maintenance and he doesn’t think you’re worth it. He’s probably going on multiple dates so likely and sensibly doesnt want to invest too much in the first date.

You are being ridiculous, unreasonable and he’s dodged a bulletin

I think when a relationship is going to be healthy that it starts a lot more low-key than this. You are putting so much pressure on this one occasion, which is really just a chance to meet someone and get to know them. I love fancy places but I would never have chosen one for a first date because what if you don't vibe and then have to sit for hours eating a £200 meal and cocktails? It's nuts.

It’s not an occasion…it’s a date. You definitely sound princessy to me. I’m not saying your standards shouldn’t be high but placing too much emphasis on things being “fancy” would be an ick for me. Anyway, it sounds like it’s over before it’s started so just call it a day.

Personally I think you are being unreasonable, but as you seem pretty assertive that despite many people agreeing with this, you are in fact NOT being unreasonable, then you do you. But if he's given you the ick with this, I'd drop it and move on.
I personally would rather meet someone more quickly than get emotionally deep over text before you even know whether you like them in person, but that's just how I roll and nobody else has to do the same