First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

This post has to be a wind up surely??

Maybe he’s hoping you actually are a finer thing in life but, unlike you, doesn’t necessarily have to define that by showy things.

You are hilarious! 😂

This isn't how I'd do online dating but I get we're all different. I've made the mistake of doing dinner on a first date once and i knew within seconds of meeting that I'd made a mistake. His mannerisms (which i couldnt tell from the messages or phone calls) were a total turn off to me.

I think you've dodged a bullet here though and I'd call off completely if I were you. He's all talk and all the sucking up etc. (That would give me the ick too) is just an attempt to wear you down. Good for you for setting standards for yourself and sticking to them. Don't back down on them for this guy!

I don’t understand why you haven’t met him for a coffee beforehand? You don’t seem to like the sound of that but are more invested on spending the weekend with a practical stranger? Or am I reading it wrong?
he’s probably realised going to a ‘higher class’ place on a first date is a bit ott ?

I’d much rather a quick coffee to assess if I like him than waste his/my time chatting for a month. What happens if he really gives you the ick in person and you have to sit through a whole meal. My shortest date was 15 minutes!

You have had a hard time here op - mostly because you asked a question then told anyone who didn't confirm what you wanted to hear that they were wrong to say otherwise.

And also because "liking the finer things" is neither as unusual nor as endearing as you seem to think. Most of us do, but we try to curb it as much as possible, not revel in it.

But the important thing is to decide how you feel about him, not to argue with us about how you should or shouldn't feel. I hope things work out for the best, whatever you decide.

The point is to meet for a quick coffee to decide if you even fancy spending the evening together. It is ridiculous to plan a whole fancy evening with someone you don't even know and it seems very exploitative as well. You might dislike each other after 5 minutes.

Oh dear. I'm definitely getting princess vibes.

You choose your life, and the kind of man you want in it. Yes, you are high maintenance, and a bit of a princess, but why shouldn't you be? If this guy does not provide/offer/share the kind of lifestyle you like and want, he does not add anything to your already cushy life. There will be others.

I would let him know this exactly, though, in as many words, since you've already discussed the topic beforehand and he has agreed you both share similar tastes.

The whole idea is total fantasy. There is no man in existence who is going to be able to live up to OP's expectations for very long, they simply don't exist. Maybe AI can create one.

Oh dear.

Firstly "Reading comprehension would serve you well here babe" is absolutely NOT a good comeback - it's just plain ignorant. ... Though you might think on it yourself.

Secondly it wasn't aimed at me, so perhaps "if you can’t be arsed to read the updates don’t comment"

I took the very unusual step of objecting to OPs rudeness to another poster. Because I have to say, she comes across as the most arrogant, inflexible and self-absorbed poster I have read in ... well ... forever!

chatting is where you find out each others likes and dislikes, expectations, life goals etc. that’s what I want to know before I decide if we’re compatible for a date because I value my time. All of which has matched which is why I’m now annoyed that its been poorly planned and lacked effort

You don’t know from messaging how he feels about anything. We tell kids to be wary of online strangers..they can pretend anything. And then you’re taking a guy’s word for everything just because he typed it? Hilarious. Best to message a bit, then meet for coffee…somewhere you can ditch quickly and easily. That’s where the first impressions are made, to see if it’s worth pursuing. Then a lunch..then the fancy dinner if it’s still looking good

Fair enough but just THAT restaurant? Is there seriously no other place you could enjoy having a date night, as it just seems 'difficult'. I bet the guy is a bit gutted himself that he's messed it up, but I feel like that doesn't matter here

You sound like a spoilt madam ~ poor guy, wonder if he cocked up the booking because you had to "amend the date because he wanted to meet sooner" and he felt nervous and they is why the date got messed up.
You don't want to sound bitchy ~ that's EXACTLY how you sound.

You don’t seem to have a good grasp of the English language OP - misusing ‘pertained’ (pretend?) and offset (outset?) suggest you need to work on your communication skills. Maybe spend some of your money on that rather than outfits and dinners if you truly want to be accepted in the upper echelons you clearly aspire to walk amongst….

I hope I don't come across as being condescending but a good many of the blokes on social media have zero interest in meeting women. For them it is escapism and entertainment. They can be anyone online.
If you want to meet l a real bloke join an activity, volunteer. He's probably someone working minimum wage and there's no shame im that. Turn off your social media and do some physical activity like joining the national trust and stop worshipping this ideal that everything should be expensive, high end bollox

Don’t know why, but somehow I’m having trouble visualising the OP volunteering for a worthy cause or dating someone who’s on minimum wage 😜 🤣

Usually I would say to never lower your standards for anyone however this just sounds totally off. You talk 24/7 to a man you haven’t met, he has offered you the world and again you haven’t met, you’ve emotionally overshared to a man you haven’t met. What if you meet up (eventually) and you actually can’t stand each other?? It’s one thing talking over Insta or whatever you are doing but it’s a whole different ball game when you meet up. The whole thing is giving me the ick to be honest. Your desire to go to one restaurant and one restaurant only, holding off meeting him, him offering you the world, him not being able to make a simple booking. I think you both like the idea of the first date but neither of you are fully committed. I would just walk away from the entire thing to be honest.

Poor guy!

Jeez is this still going on....?!🙄

You wouldn't even meet him for a whole month and then made the first date such high stakes and are now annoyed just because he made a simple mistake.

I'm surprised he's still interested tbh, and yes you sound like a total 'princess'.

I see red flags all over this: talking 24/7 and promising you the world having not met! That sounds like love bombing. Saying he can't book the time you want and chosing somewhere more casual sounds like he isn't what he says he is. You should be careful and if you meet him, go in with your eyes wide open. And I'm another one saying a quick first date so you can escape easily if you don't hit it off. You can go to the fancy restaurant once you know that you do and it will be all the more fun.

You sound a bit high maintenance sorry to say OP

It sounds like you want to date a lifestyle, not a man. That's going to be very hard to keep up for both of you. Him trying to keep you happy, you being perpetually disappointed.