Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

Taking the baby to a&e was an option and it would have been fine to do this. The grown adult who was looking after his own baby made the decision to leave the baby with his friends. He made a decision about what he felt was best in the situation. Nothing bad happened so what’s the problem?

He made a decision in an emergency about the child you share. He doesnt need your permission for that any more then you need his.

It was far quicker and easier to leave the baby with his friends and deal with getting a child with broken bones to a hospital.

He left the baby with several friends. Do you think they would have taken turns hurting her? A few people is safer than one person if its abuse you're worried about.

If my sister called me and I could hear my niece screaming in pain in the background, and they’d been told the ambulance wouldn’t be there for another 90 mins….

oh and I had just started feeding a hungry 6 month old, who’d needed burping and a nappy feed AND fought and despised her car seat

yep, I’d look over at the couple of friends in front me who were visiting no doubt to meet my baby… and I’d make a judgement call. He knows them, and he made the judgement call.

Maybe because it's really easy to forget how time consuming leaving the house can be...
It's not the most challenging point to decipher is it.
My dts are 15 and I'm.so used to just getting up and going that I think it would be a shock to the system to have to manage it with a baby.

Isn’t anyone thinking of the baby here? Just the fact that the father should have equal say. I’d say his judgement was wrong, not so much as not trusting his friends, but he should have considered that your dc could well have been very anxious being left with strangers having never been apart from her parents before. That was his mistake (and actually yours too as it’s not the thing you’re concerned about). It would have been very easy given the circumstances to take her with him and he should have done that.

As an aside though, why didn’t his mum get a taxi?

Absolutely, not rocket science is it.

Whatever.

My DCs were exclusively bfed at this stage so they would have had to come with.

We would have had to find a solution that worked for both children.

Also possible here - maybe not the DH's preferred route- but possible.

And hours at the hospital. Where is this A&E that only takes an hour to set broken bones?

My local A&E has 8 hours plus waiting. We attended with a broken bone recently and there were people with fractures waiting 12 plus hours.

Even for children the wait was much longer than 1 hour. Plenty of crying children.

Anyone heading out to A&E knows that they face hours of waiting.

When he left he didn't know for how long. There may be more to this tale.

Lol

You don't know them but he does.

Sounds great that your baby was so relaxed being looked after by other people. You never know when you may need someone the baby doesn't know to step in, so keep up the training, great work by DH!

You know the baby do you?

My dc would have gone home with the milkman quite happily at 6mo

Not that much of an intellectual or emotional challenge, no.

This is mad. They are long term family friends. It was an hour. Sometimes we have to make these decisions and he sounds like he made a good call.

He was dropping them off. Not stopping the duration

Unless the OP has good reason to be suspicious of these friends (e.g. her DH has talked about them being drug takers or heavy drinkers), then I think she's being unfair to her DH.
He had to to act quickly in an emergency situation and I think he made the right call.
Presumably he would have rung the OP had he been away longer than an hour?

Don't see a problem.
It is easy to slip into a pattern where mum knows best. Parenting is a joint project.

Also, neither one of my DDs would have been left with a stranger at that age.

Parents who have been in this situation can remember acutely having to juggle. @IAmTheLogLady

there isn’t more to it. Read the OP’s posts. The sister was with her mum so he didn’t need to wait in a&e with them. He just needed to drop them off. What was you insinuating?

Why didn’t he call you and ask you to come back from your lunch given it was an emergency?

the friends could have looked after DD while you were making your way back but that bananas that he just left. What if he was stuck in A&E for 4 hours?

YANBU

I mean he could’ve text but he is her father and it was a quick urgent errand. He is able to make decisions as much as you regarding dd.

he shouldn’t need permission from you and realistically I don’t think you would want him checking every choice with dd he makes. He isn’t a babysitter

fine to be annoyed by it tho as you arrived unaware which isn’t nice

It would appear that for some…. It is

he picked up his sister and his mum together and dropped them both off at A&E then went straight home.

Absolutely no need to take a baby in those circumstances, when there is a perfectly reasonable childcare alternative for an hour.

He didn’t wait

he drove to his mum and sister, picked them up, dropped them off outside A&E, went home as his friends and baby were still there.

Apparently DD was quite happy, but I feel it should have been discussed and not a unilateral decision.

He didn’t need to juggle though as he had family friends who he has known for his whole life there who could support him.