Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

The batshittery continues....

Well that's it, isn't it? A women has the ability and authority to judge the responsibleness of their friends, and a father would be judged as controlling for daring to question this, but the father doesn't have this ability or authority without consulting the mother.

Then, a few months/years down the line we'll get the AIBU of "My husband does a bit, but I carry the mental load, I make all the decisions, he can't do anything without asking me, I'm mentally exhausted, I need him to step up" and she'll get the usual useless man responses, LTB etc.

Exactly. Mother as expert parent is such a common scenario, and then they wonder why dad slips gently into the back seat ...

Why does it matter mum doesn't know them when Dad knows them well

I think it matters more if the baby has seen these people before as babies tend to want to be around those they are familiar with, it is basic childcare.

Yes indeed. OP's feelings are valid - it's emotionally intense getting used to leaving your baby. But the right response to this is not to chastise the DH for making a sensible decision in the moment, but for OP to get used to being able to let go and share the responsibility for caring and decision-making. The DH needs to feel empowered to make decisions and OP needs to trust him to do so. That's the basis for a solid parenting relationship, not hoarding the responsibility because it's emotionally difficult to share it.

What do you mean by 'they could have been anyone"? They are his friends!

It’s really not like he left the baby with them for a weekend. It was an emergency situation where he had to decide whether to stick the baby in the car for an hour (which would have been difficult as the 11 year old had a double break and would have likely to have needed support in the back of the car) or leave the baby (who needed a bottle) with friends for the hour.

Obviously in an ideal world we’ll gradually introduce our babies to their care givers/ babysitters but sometimes kids fall off their bikes and you need to make a quick decision.

It appears the baby was happy and didn’t scream for the hour. If they did scream for the hour it wouldn’t be ideal but ultimately it would be a lesson that they’d need to do something different next time. What they have learned is that if they do need to leave the baby with friends at the moment, it will probably be fine.

Well those people had been in the house with dad before he left the baby so obviously baby had seen them. Probably visited in last 6 months also

That might matter if the OP and her DH were planning a night out and sorting childcare in advance and choosing the best option, but not for an emergency. In an emergency you just need something immediate and safe. His friends were already there - immediate. And both OP and her DH know they are good with children and DH has known them since young - safe. It was a no-brainer.

You're quite determined to point a finger of blame at the dad aren't you.

He made the best call he could.

What would you have done?

Well, I'd have made sure my 6mth old was used to being left with people first but the op and her dh had chosen not to and that is up them. However the dh should have thought about that whilst making a decision what to do.

I'd have taken the dd in the car rather than leave her with people she'd never clapped eyes on before.

How would they have fit in the car? Injured child, mother of child, baby in car seat?

And that doesn't even take into consideration the delay in getting the baby ready.

Another poster ignoring the fact that this was about getting a badly hurt 11 year old to hospital as quickly as possible. If DH had fucked off to the pub OP that would obviously be different.

Fannying around phoning the OP for permission would have taken time, as would have getting a baby ready to go into a car as would potentially having to stop if the baby needed attention on the way. Imagine you had an 11 year old, had reached out for help and the person you called dithered for 20 minutes before coming over for trivial reasons. Imagine how shit that would be.

Unless it's a 2 seater sports car how do you think they fit in? Dh driving, dm front seat 2 dc in the back..
You tend to just pick babies up and go tbh. It was a quick drive to a hospital they weren't going away for the weekend or anything.

The injured child would have needed physical and emotional support, and couldn't be in the back with a baby. Broken bones hurt.

Try again

I recall taking a 13yr dc to a hospital with a broken arm, I took youngest dc too it was all very doable there wasn't any screaming or abandoning dc with adults totally unknown to her. The 13yr old had paracetamol and sat still as you'd expect?

it wasn't just a broken arm, they'd also broken their collar bone.

Would your 13yo like a cookie for being so stoic?

HOnestly I think your DH has managed a tricky situation quite well. DD is fine and was looked after fine. The sister made it to hospital, he dropped them off and went straight back. If he had called you nothing you would have told him to do would have speeded up the delivery of his sis to the hospital so I guess that is why he didn't contact you - you couldn't help as you were away and waiting for you would mean just that ... waiting.

DD never left the house, was with people he has known all his life and he is obviously happy to leave her with them in an emergency.

Not a great situation but I think he has done well.

They weren't strangers, they had known the dad since the dad was a toddler. The child was not abandoned. Why use such emotive and incorrect language?

There was child care on hand, no need to take the baby to hospital.

Did you not want to hold and support your injured child? Much like the sister's mum would have wanted to.

Have some empathy

And I recall taking a 5 year old to a hospital with a broken arm; I left youngest DC at home with DH. He screamed all the way there, and flailed about to the point I was concerned he would get out of his car seat and cause an accident.

Why are you using such emotive language?
The baby wasn't abandoned. Don't be so dramatic.

I am sure if the DH had been home alone with the baby he’d have managed the hospital run with the baby in the car - we don’t know if the sister was in pain or not, she might have been perfectly comfortable or in agony.

However the DH could easily have spent 20-30mins
fading to get ready with the baby by which point she could have been at A&E.

We mostly all manage one way or another then we have no choice. How much nicer and easier when there's a friend or three to step up and help.