Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

Does he drive a minibus now?
Why shouldn’t he have left his child with his friends who he has known pretty much his entire life and obviously trusts?

OP, you say your issue is that "he left DD with friends I don’t know, the first time I properly left her."

Objectively speaking - this isn't a big deal. You're making a bit of a situation here. DH knows his friends. It was an emergency. Who cares if it's "the first time you left her" ... Hooray that she was fine. The first time I left my baby DD she cried and wouldn't take a bottle 🙄

DH didn't do anything unsafe.

What good was going to come from letting Op know?
She was out to lunch with friends, a rare treat, it would just have made Op want to cut lunch short.

OP would have wanted to be home before he took his sister to hospital, which would have delayed the sister getting to hospital.

The priority has to be the sister who's still only a young child. Who needed urgent medical attention. His mum was probably also stressed when she called for help.

Well it clearly upset her that’s why

Why is that such an issue? Please explain to me.

I left my kid with friends of mine that my H didnt know quite often, he never batted an eyelid because he trusted my judgement.

Why do NONE of you TRUST your HUSBANDS?

Why does he need reinforcements when you leave the house? And why does he need company, can he not be on his own?

Why does the OP need people to go to brunch with? Why can’t she go on her own?

Frankly, better for her to be irrationally upset than an injured child not be given priority.

Might I suggest you read the OPs own post from 16:07 yesterday where she quite clearly says this doesnt bother her.

Where did I say the injured child shouldn’t have been prioritised?

So would you have an issue leaving her for an hour with your closest friends?

Yabvu imo

OP it's his baby too, you don't have to run every decision past eachother. It's been your decision to not be apart from the baby up to this stage, doesn't mean you then get to pick who gets to be first to have the baby without you. I think he made a sensible decision, why bundle a baby into the car when he didn't need to

Do you struggle with the concept of friends?

Because there is no way the situation could have been handled to accommodate the OP’s wishes which would not have deprioritised (is that a word?) the injured child.

The child's father made an entirely responsible decision. He also kindly did not disturb the OPs first trip out with friends.
He has done nothing wrong at all.
OP needs to trust her OH.

Some mothers actively cultivate the dynamic in which they are the expert parent, the one with all decision making powers through whom all decisions must be agreed and then complain when the father abdicates responsibility or treats her as the default parent once the child gets older. Don't be that mum. Your DH is equally her parent and these are people he trusts. She was fine.

No he doesn’t drive a mini bus (that I know of)
However I commented before I seen that the a&e was a drop off and not waiting around with a baby.
I do think that it should have been discussed before leaving the baby with anyone else. Anything can happy at any time .
Tbh I think it’s poor that the dad needed his friend around to sit with his child for the first time alone .

How old are they? They have been his friends since he was a toddler. Do you trust your friends?

He would not have left her with them if he thought she would be in any danger and as you said they all have nieces and nephews. He has known these people for a long time, and there were 3 of them there to help.

I don't think there was anything to be concerned about. When you take your child to nursery or a childminder you would effectively be handing over to a stranger.

What do you harm do you think is likely to have befallen the child that wouldn’t be evident to the parent and that the child can’t communicate?

Yep. You can’t have it both ways.

It's something I see again and again that people are absolutely rubbish at risk assessing. People typically over-estimate the risk involved in unusual situation and under-estimate those involved in a day-to-day one.

What?

Of course it's cheaper to drive!

As an example, my local A&E is 25 miles away. It would be £110 for a taxi. It's a damn sight cheaper to drive there!

Another poster struggling with the concept of “friends”…

Do you not understand the concept of friends?
When my child was young I often invited friends round when DH was out. It was easier than going out with a baby and meant I got to see my own friends too.
Parenting doesn’t have to be isolating and good friends are interested in getting to know your child.

If it was a woman posting that she invited friends out while her Husband was out for the afternoon nobody would bat an eyelid.

I also suspect if a women posted that she’d left her baby with a friend to deal with an emergency then the replies would be very different.

So what do you think happened? OP's DH observed that the baby seemed well and happy when he returned. They had also been fed. Six month olds may be crap at talking but they are quite good at screaming their heads off if something is not to their liking.

Or are you thinking that 3 lifelong friends of DH's have collectively abused the child?