Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

But the real problem is doesn't think her husband is an equal parent and he should be running even emergency decisions by her. That's controlling and pretty demeaning towards her husband. She thinks he should have taken the baby and tough for the child with multiple fractures who needed someone there beside her to stabilize her and comfort her. She's wrong and unless her husband has done something off the wall with their baby, trust him to do the right thing. He did here.

Absolutely spot on.

What have the 1970s got to do with anything ?

Do you think he resented you going out?

If anything, he would have done the opposite if he resented the OP going out for a few hours, surely ? He's have called her and ended the time she was having with her friend.

It doesn't seem like the best idea for him to invite his mates round when left with the baby for longer than before

It seems an excellent time as they all share a first language that the OP doesn't share. It means everyone can relax and not have to be translating every word.

He should have been giving her his full attention.

Wait, are you seriously suggesting that as parents, we shouldn't ever have anybody round when we are looking after our dc ? I've heard some batshit things on MN in my time, but......

This

I also think what he did was sensible. These aren’t just passing friends, he’s known them his whole life and trusts them and it was a genuine emergency.

He was better off leaving baby with them rather than taking the baby in the car with an extremely upset, possibly crying out in agony, 11 year old in the back seat with them.

Over the years there are going to be plenty of decisions you are going to have to make in the moment about your child without consulting the other parent. You need to trust each other to decide what is best at the time.

You hope they have. But six month olds are crap at talking aren’t they, so OP just has to hope the baby was perfectly safe. She couldn’t take a judgement call as she doesn’t know these people in question and her DH didn’t run it past her.

The baby evidently was perfectly safe. OP arrived home and the baby was fine.

Statistically it would be in more danger travelling in a car.

If they'd been your friends who your husband didn't know and you'd had to leave your wee one with them because of an emergency do you think your husband would be upset with you about it?

YABVU, he's knows these people since he was a TODDLER, they are in no way shape or form strangers. And a 6 month old baby is not that hard to look after for an hour.

For people who come from a family oriented culture it would considered extremely normal to leave the baby with a friend for an hour while you attended to an emergency.

I thought you were going to say he went to the pub or something. He went to take his 11 year old sister who had broken bones to the hospital!!!

I honestly can't believe any of the replies saying he was being unreasonable.

Leaving with friends isn't the issue here, why does it sound like a state occasion that your husband is being left alone with his own child for a few hours and why on earth did he need company for it, that's weird, he needs to get used to one on one time with his own baby ASAP

I think it was more Ops going out there's an opportunity to get the other language friends round have a gibber without having to think about which language we are using.

I bet that is something he'd have done with or without the baby.

Totally overreacting. Your husband had an emergency situation and left his daughter in the care of adults he has known since he was a toddler for a maximum of a few hours…

Thousands of teenagers get pregnant and manage to raise their babies to adulthood, let alone keep an infant safe for a few hours.

@28loloie Sorry but I think you are over reacting. When my DD was six weeks old my DM died. She'd been terminally ill with cancer throughout my pregnancy but had willed herself to cling on to see her first grandchild. When it was sadly obvious that she really only had days left I flew on my own with my DD to my home city to be with my Mum. DH stayed behind. He came up for the funeral but we had no-one to look after the baby. A very old good friend said she had a good friend who wouldn't mind looking after her while we were at the funeral. I thought then it was a good solution and I still think it was. Maybe I should have given it more thought (I'd obviously never left her with anyone before) but I trust my friend and she trusted her friend and that was good enough.
Trust is key - your husband trusts his old friends and all was well - as it was for me.
Not how you expected it to be I know, but accidents happen and young sisters need to be dropped off at A and E.

I might feel differently if a complete newborn but the baby is 6 months, they are robust usually able to sit up and eat solid food and assume not one who screams at the sight of strangers or DH probably wouldn’t have made that choice. What DH did seemed the obvious solution to me. Of course if necessary he could have spent extra time getting baby organised, squeezed them all in the back
of the car - probably making things more uncomfortable for poor ds who was likely distressed so not pleasant for baby to experience, but it wasn’t necessary as he had people there he knew and trusted who between 3 of them, as adults, likely do have baby experience while he did the round trip

WTF to those suggesting an ambulance- she’d wait hours as a non life threatening case and then potentially take a vital resource from someone that does had a life threatening condition. Crazy suggestion

Definitely an over reaction to a managed situation.

I’d be a bit uneasy and understand where you are coming from. Especially when it’s your first baby and you haven’t left them alone before , it’s a big milestone for a new mother. He should have let you know.

the alternative , bringing a baby to a&e during flu season isn’t a great idea. A&E is full of bugs and not somewhere I would want to being a 6 month old unless absolutely necessary.

Better than leaving the baby with people the mum doesn’t know.

I don’t think it’s an issue at all because he’s known them since he was a small child and clearly trusts them. If this was a group of friends he’d just met then you’d have a point but he’s known them since he was a little bit older than your DD. It was obviously an emergency and he acted on instinct, your DD is also fine.

I still don't understand some posters fixation with the OP not knowing these people. She's admitted she does actually know them it's just she hasn't socialised with them much.

Not that it would matter because this child has two parents and the other one has known them since he was a toddler...

Team DH.

Stop being controlling.

Sounds like DH is a great guy and not one of those feckless layabouts we often hear of on here.

But she does know them. Just not as well as the child’s other parent.

Is the OP her Husband’s boss? Why does he have to run everything past her? Isn’t he an equal parent?

Completely batshit post.
There is zero evidence that he resents the OP going out. And inviting friends round to your house is perfectly normal, especially when you have young children and going out is tricky.

It’s exactly the sort of thing I did when my DS was young and DH was out with his friends.

He’s been friends with these people since he was a child. They probably want to spend time with his child and have an opportunity to get to know her.

In honestly I think 6 months is as good a time as any for this to have happened - 6 months old are fairly robust but typically haven’t developed significant separation anxiety so will likely not be distressed for an hour with an unfamiliar caregiver.

@28loloie he could have taken one of the friends with him. However he shouldn’t have left the baby with them .

This car's pretty big by now isnt it?