Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

So lifelong friends of your DH who HE knows well and trusts?
The only issue is that you don't know them as well, is that correct?
I would, and have, left a baby in my home with a childhood friend. I've dropped a baby off at a friends when I've had to do something else. I've made those decisions as a parent.
Your DH has done the same. Left your baby with his trusted friends who he's known his whole life. Do you not trust him to make such decisions OP?

OP would you have left your DD with one of your friends that you have know and trusted most of your life for a 30 minute emergency? Because that’s what your DH has done.

I personally see no problem with it. You’ve said he’s known them for years, grown up with them. If he felt his DD was safe then you either trust his judgement or you don’t.

and as for taking his little sister to A&E, he did the right thing. Ambulances are stretched to the limit so if you can arrive safely by car you should do so. He still has a responsibility to his mum and sister.

It’s was literally an emergency and he was not gone long. Baby is fine. YABU, but I get why.

I have the total opposite opinion of him i think hes a star.
He invited his friends round who have a different first language to op while she wasn't there. Showing consideration to both friends and op, opportunity to chat easily.

His mum phoned in an emergency, he dropped what he was doing to help his DMum and little sister who must have been in agony.

The friends have probably said we'll take care of baby, which makes perfect sense.
He knows and trusts them.

Why on earth would he say no i need to take LO in the car when shes due a bottle, then bum change, which all adds to the delay in getting the wee girl to hospital.

He's a star, did what he could with the people he was with and took care of wee sister.

why do you assume those of us who disagree with you don't give a shit?

Funnily enough, some of us like having kids with competent adults who are capable of making decisions about their children as we are. There is nothing 'cool mom' about it.

Sorry you clearly don't trust your partner to parent. Will see you in a few years on the 'my husband is useless and i have to do everything myself' threads i guess.

But her DH has known these friends since they were children. So probably a minimum of 30 years

You are over reacting.

I understand why you are uncomfortable. I would be too - but all's well that ends well. He knows them well and trusts them, it was an emergency and everything went well.

But talk to your DH and ask him to call you and at least let you know if there's a change in plans in future.
He isn't looking after DC everyday and leaving her with someone would not be a big deal for him. He probably doesn't appreciate how big a deal it is for you.

It doesn’t matter the mother barely knows them, she wasn’t the one having to make the decision whether to leave the baby in their care.

Bizarre that you're looking for some kind of jury verdict over this. It was an emergency. He did what he thought was best - as you would have done if the situation was reversed. He trusts his friends. Your child was fine. Just have a talk and agree what you'd both do next time in a similar situation.

YANBU at all, you're having a normal reaction. I'm sure you will come to rationalise and realise he made the best decision he felt he could at the time. Its ok to have feelings and discomfort and struggle with decisions the other parent makes, it's all part of it, and sometimes it's hard. You're not overreacting, you're having a completely normal response.

And if they don’t drive?

…and did it all while respecting that OP was having a rare treat so not worrying her by unnecessarily drawing her in until after the event. Gold stars all round in my book!

A six month baby is not a newborn. Probably sitting up and fairly sociable at that age. I was quite protective of my kids and I'd have absolutely no problem with this. I imagine the friends had a lovely time entertaining the baby- I'm sure 3 adults could cope for an hour between them. The sad thing is people are so bad at judging risk that they think that would be a riskier situation than taking a 6 month old to a hospital in a stressful situation - the baby is statistically much more likely to come to harm during the drive.

Gosh, some of the comments are ridiculous, do you not trust your husband? Are you saying the husband doesn't give a shit about his own child??

It's not easy for anyone to comment when they dont know you, your OH or your relationship. So, do you trust your husband? Do you normally have a good solid mature relationship? What was the nature of the visit , were the friends of his drinking, clearly your OH wasn't because he drove his sister to hospital. Is this girl a child? Couldn't another family member have taken her instead. What kind of people are the friends, do they understand the needs of very young babies? I think that your OH could have rung you and asked you to return to the house but he felt that it was OK to leave the baby sleeping with his friends one of whom was a woman whilst he went with his sister. Remember too his an equal parent to the baby you share and he made a judgement call. Tell your OH that your little one is not quite old enough in your opinion to be left with other people and both of you should agree in future who your little one is left with although you appreciate this was an emergency. We did this, evenings out , when our children were about 1 and likely to sleep. Using parents as sitters

It's absolutely not okay. If he had to do the hospital run he should have taken your baby. It's not the 1970s. Do you think he resented you going out? It doesn't seem like the best idea for him to invite his mates round when left with the baby for longer than before. He should have been giving her his full attention.

So what? The point is surely that the actual father of the baby knew them and trusted them, and the fact is the baby was fine.

Honestly, if anyone thinks dh did the wrong thing here they need to have a serious think about the priorities involved between a seriously hurt child and OP's ego.

How would he have got them all in the car?

The injured child would have been in the back and needing physical and emotional support from her mum. You can't put a baby in the front seat.

So how would you have got them all in the car?

There would have also been a completely unnecessary delay. An eleven year old girl had broken bones and needed to get to hospital ASAP.

The baby was left with competent adults who the father had known since he was a toddler.

If he had to do the hospital run he should have taken your baby.

But thw baby would have been at far more risk being taken out in the cold. Depending on the sister’s injuries, she may have needed to lie across the back seat, meaning the baby would need to be in the front seat, which is more dangerous again. He may have had to assist his mum and sister getting into A&E - again - more risk of dropping or shaking the car seat while he was doing so. Not to mention the risks of germs in a hospital. Why would anyone do that when
there were three - three - trusted competent adults willing and able to sit with the baby for an hour? Ultimately, it is the judgement of the person in charge which prevails and in this case, that person was the baby’s father because the mother was out with her friend. Nothing wrong with that at all - but it means that she has handed over the reins to him and his judgement. Which in this case was to leave the baby with trusted friends. If OP can’t deal with that, then she can’t leave the baby. (And it’s not a sexist point - I’d say the same to a man complaining about childcare sourced by his wife.).

I’m told I’m super protective (neurotic!) when it comes to my kids but I think what he did was fine.

6 months isn’t newborn - they’re generally pretty robust at that age but also not over mobile so I’m sure most groups of 3 average adults could cope for an hour without the baby coming to harm. The DH knew them well so no concerns re “bad” people or abduction etc. (I appreciate you can never be 100% but you could say that about the dad too).

An accident is probably less likely with three people concentrating on baby duty than one parent who is used to baby and maybe more complacent.

I might have felt a bit uncomfortable at the idea of it but I think he did the best thing for everyone in the emergency circumstances.

As the child's father he has a right to decide who is competent in looking after your child. Ideally you would discuss that jointly before hand as both of you should have input. However this was an emergency and he made a judgement call that its his right to make.
Unless you think he's a total idiot whose friends are shady then there's no issue here. He knows those people well and decided it was ok to trust them with the baby. And it sounds like it was the right decision as the baby was cared for.
It was an emergency situation. As I said in day to day life you should discuss these decisions together but that's not always possible.

For example my DH had one of his work colleagues watch our baby due to me being in hospital once. He did this without telling me before hand (because this happened suddenly) and I had never met this person . I was not angry at all because I know he made a decision in the moment and I know he's not stupid and he cares for and loves that baby as much as I do. He would not leave her with someone he didn't trust. And in turn I trust his judgement. I have since met the work colleague who did this and she is a lovely woman with kids of her own so I had it confirmed that I was right to trust my husbands judgement.

Probably someone has already pointed this out upthread but just to say again.. a 6month old baby is probably in more danger going to an A&E full of people with God knows what illnesses than they are staying at home for an hour with some trusted friends of your husbands

Absolutely what a star guy, and star friends who were happy to step in and care for baby in a moment of crisis.

Honestly when you have an injured child, someone getting you both to hospital, taking that stress off is an absolute God send.

If they are close, family friends who he trusts then sorry YABU.

If they were work "friends" your husband had only known for 6 months in the office, who "seemed okay", then that would have been different.

I mean, what are you worried could have happened?