Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

I suppose it depends on how well your DH knows them but I would feel the same way as you if you haven't left DD with many people. It does sound like there was an emergency that they couldn't have foreseen and this must have seemed like the best option.

Why couldn’t he?

if you bothered reading, he's known these friends his whole life.

Is he aware the baby has never been left with anyone else? Would he expect OP to have contacted him if she’d wanted to leave the baby with a mum friend for a few minutes while she nipped to the shop?

It likely doesn’t feel as significant to the DH as he is used to leaving the baby every day (albeit with his DW) and has got accustomed to the idea that being out of sight doesn’t mean they aren’t safe. It’s something that takes getting used to when you are a new mum who has done most of the parenting to date.

You really need to be able to trust the judgement of the other parent.
If you can't do that , why would you have a baby with them in the first place.

why couldnt he what?

Take the baby out in the cold, to travel in a car with a distressed, badly injured, probably crying in severe pain 11yo and her mother who might quite like to sit next to her in the car to support her injured daughter on a painful journey?

I don't know.. why do you think?

I imagine he was pretty stressed, mum asking for help, 11 year old sister injured and in pain, friends visiting and he's in charge of the baby and doesn't want to have to call you home on your first trip out to see friends!

I can see why he didn't want the baby in the car, presumably mum and injured child sat in the back? That wouldn't have been possible with baby in the car and if baby started crying the car would have been chaos. If baby was sound asleep at home with trusted adults (who presumably could have called if there was any problems) I think he made the best of a difficult situation.

Wrong. The child has a severe fall so bad she had multiple fractures. She could also have had fractured ribs that could have punctured a lung or had a head injury, or the unstabilized collarbone piercing a large blood vessel. There's multiple reasons for her to have been taken to ER ASAP.

Agree ! Some of the nonsense on this thread is bloody breathtaking.

Yes . It's scary how clueless some people are and they post as if they know what the hell they are talking about.

Really refreshing to see a DW who supports her DH helping his family.

I wouldn’t have liked it if my DH had left my baby with friends I didn’t know well either but I would be more reassured knowing there were a few of them, rather than one person. More hands to help and watch out for her … I think.

What rot!

Tbh I think it's quite sad he couldn't spend a couple hours alone with his own baby and needed company in the first place and that he couldn't take her with him in the car.

He Sounds pretty incapable tbh.

But yeah. I'd be fuming if dp left our kids alone with his friends I didn't even know. There are very few people I know well enough to trust them with my baby. Even people I really like.

I don't think I'd bother relying on him again, sorry I think he's a dud.

You now both know for the future.

This time your husband had to make a quick call.
His friends were close enough to be in your home.
His judgement ended up being fine.

Unpredictable things do happen.
I once had to jump in an unknown person's car to take DD3yrs to hospital a kiliometre away for a head concussion and leave my six month old DS on the lawn at a toddler pool with person's friend.

What??? Deranged take

And as OP says they like to speak their home language together so OP being out is a nice opportunity for them to get together and chat without excluding OP. It makes complete sense.

He may not NEED company, but it might just be NICE to have some people over while OP is out at her own plans!

If he’d rung OP, everyone would be saying it was “weaponised incompetence” and he was “sabotaging her plans” - you can’t win here, can you?!

That’s EXACTLY how it works in my world. Up until school age my children had been left in the care of my parents only.

After getting to know other Mum’s at school they would go for play dates with friends who we have built a relationship.

As a mother who lives in the real world the thought of my six month old child being left with people I don’t really know, would just not happen. Couldn’t give a monkeys if my husband knew them since he was a toddler. At that age they were either with me, their Dad or my parents. That’s it.

for fucks sake. be quiet. op has said she doesn't agree with this idiotic opinion/tangent already.

Oh yes-men are not allowed to have any feelings for their family of origin once they are married “Sorry, little sister-you’ll just have to bleed. I have other responsibilities now”

Well he could but considering the friends had to give her a bottle she probably would have ended up screaming in the back of the car while a distressed and injured 11yo was being taken to A&E and it's not like he could have just stopped to feed her. Makes so much more sense to leave her in her own home with 3 people he trusted to look after her.

Also as a 'mother who lives in the real world' whatever the fuck that bullshit means, i had no issue trusting my DH to know who was/wasn't safe to leave our children with in an emergency situation.

If you don't trust your partner to parent your kids with the same care as you, why the fuck are you having kids with them???

But what if your husband felt differently? Why would your wishes trump his?

Due to a mixture of things very few people cared for my children before they went to school (although they did attend nursery) but obviously emergencies happen and sometimes you have to adapt. We once had a neighbour come sit in our house at 10pm to look after a sleeping toddler while my husband dropped me of at hospital. In theory she could have dropped me off at hospital too but we all felt this was the best option.

I also live in the real world.

This would have bothered me, equally because baby wouldn’t have known these people either. They were left with strangers. They could have cried for the whole hour for all you know - they’re not going to admit it.

i don’t see why DH wasn’t unable to take them too in the car. It’s great that he didn’t want to disturb your time, but leaving the baby behind irks me.