Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

I hope you'd have more sympathy if it was your child in pain with the broken bones (she'd broken her collar bone too, by the way).

A broken arm can wait? For a perfectly healthy and happy baby? Can you even hear yourself? The 11 year old would have been in agony and very scared.
This thread is mental.

Just seen that bit they are lifelong friends then who come from my sort of family upbringing , large, where there’s always young nieces nephews cousins. 100 per cent ok. One of my lifelong friends had my baby for me at under a week old as I had a health emergency.

So if your 11yo broke their collarbone and was screaming in agony, you'd be fine if she was just left for several hours?

i don't know what the fuck is going on with posters on MN lately. they're fucking crazy.

Do people have no empathy/sympathy/common sense any more?

Have a heart, it's an 11 year old. You don't leave an 11 year old hanging around all day before you take them to A&E. He's essentially in loco parensis for his much younger sister as well as a parent for his own child.

Her child's father knew and trusted the people he left her with.

Object permanence is the understanding that your parents can walk far away from you when they leave a room. You can see if a baby has started to develop this if they look for a ball that's been dropped out of sight, for example. Doesn't really make sense to talk about it for an 11 year old.
I wish the 11 year old could have got an ambulance quickly. As she couldn't, the solution was for dad to take baby in the car with him or call mum to come home.
No harm done ultimately but this is what I would have done.

Wow. I’d choose the DHs friends over a person who is happy to leave an 11 year old with a broken arm waiting hours for a trip to hospital

Why does he need to phone? Would she have to phone him if the roles were reversed?

How do you know if an emergency or not?

This is the most ridiculous thread I've read in a long time.

Yes, you are over reacting

DH left 6 month old DD, with lifelong friends. For an hour

DD's not a newborn & they're not people he just met down the pub!

yes it's not quite how you planned on leaving her for the first time & yes he could have taken her, but nothing wrong with leaving her with trusted friends first and hour so he could focus on his sister's needs & no need to have DD in the car for an hour unnecessarily.

no need to interrupt your time out either.

everything is fine. Who you leave her with first doesn't need to be a big deal, if it'll upset your Mum not to be the first, just don't tell her.

I know what object permanence is, thanks. I have a dev psych degree. I was being facetious. Your comment was fucking ridiculous and totally lacking in empathy. He made the best decision at the time. Which was an emergency.

I think you should remember that lots of people are kept waiting for hours for an ambulance, even old people who have had a fall and are on their own. If someone is available who can drive you, you should take that option.

Sounds like the baby had a great time. Obviously your dh knows them well and trusts them or he wouldn’t have invited them to your house in the first place.

I had to leave dd1 when she was 8 weeks old to return to work as I couldn’t survive on maternity pay (this was 22 years ago), I had to leave her with a relative that we don’t have much to do with, she offered to have her and my dh kind of agreed to it for me. Leaving her was awful. So I do understand why you feel upset as it wasn’t really your choice but dh had an emergency and it sounds like she had at least 3 responsible adults looking after her.

Imagine a scenario where your child broke her arm at school and the school said “Oh a broken arm isn’t an emergency-we won’t take her to hospital, it can wait til her mum picks her up, she can take her.”

I honestly didn't think you knew from the way you used it in previous comment, otherwise I wouldn't have explained. I'm not lacking in empathy, I understand why op wasn't comfortable with the idea of her baby being left with strangers and explained why I wouldn't be either. At no point did I say the solution was to leave a little girl with a broken arm to suffer without a lift to a&e.
I am going to step away now!

THEY. WERE. NOT.STRANGERS!

everyone is a stranger to a baby, the nursery staff will be, drs, nurses, relatives the first time they meet.

they were NOT strangers to the childs father, who'd known them for his whole life.

This thread is absolutely insane

I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people.

Why are you married to someone who would be friends with people you can't be sure are good people?

Yup!

Real-life day to day situations, people! Not theory! I totally do get why a new mum would be freaked but tbh,in the circumstances and given who the friends are, it's not that different from leaving the babe with family members for an hour, while another distressed child who will remember EVERYTHING is taken care of by her brother when she needs him. Probably would've been best to phone and let mum know what was going on, but the drama/trauma was more on the kid with broken arm's side, and he acted accordingly.

I was wondering this too.

But the posters DH was obviously not breastfeeding the baby so irrelevant

Leave the baby alone with a whiskey and a pack of cigars, no.
Leave the baby with competent adults, absolutely.

It’s totally understandable that it feels very different to OP and her DH.

To OP - is not accustomed to being away from the baby. Does not know the people the baby was left with. Emergency did not involve immediate family.

To DH - is accustomed to being away from the baby. Knows and trusts the people the baby was left with. Emergency involved immediate family.

Clearly subjectively it is very different to you both. But objectively, there was nothing wrong with DH’s decision making - your baby was safe.

Wht wpild she? They are HIS friends