Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

People have lost the plot on this thread. Why would you take a 6 month old baby to a germ-infested hospital if you didn't need to???

Its your husband's baby too and he judged it ok

Indeed. The very same posters on this thread arguing he should have called the OP would be the ones telling the OP on a thread where he did just that, that he was useless and why couldn't he resolve the issue without calling her.

Some posters like to be contrary for the sake of it.

Exactly. This website is nuts sometimes.

Do you trust your dh?
ffs it was a emergency - should he have said no to his sister.
It is not all about you.

Yes I understand perfectly. Just have to agree to disagree. I don’t think he should have left the baby with them.

as any normal sibling would do.

To suggest otherwise suggests you lack empathy, and would rather leave an 11yo child crying in pain, injured, with no other way to get to hospital in the name of asking permission from your partner.

not normal imho. In a first aid situation, the patient should always be the priority.

Why though?
He made what he thought was the best decision at the time. It was one of a small number of options and probably the most sensible one.

After reading this update , I don’t think you’re wrong to be feeling a bit uncomfortable- you’re a new mother. But , your DH knows them very well. Provided you trust him as a father , then he clearly trusted them as his daughter is precious to him to. He had to help his little sister in an emergency so trusted his judgement. He probably thought getting everything ready for baby , and taking her along to A and E was unnecessary when people he has known his whole life and trusts were there.

I think your DH did the right thing, his poor sister it was a total emergency. The friends would probably have been extra conscientious precisely because they don't have kids, the baby is fine, the sister got to the hospital. I think you need to relax a bit.

this.. add into the fact you're putting a 6mo baby into a car with an 11yo who is probably very distressed.. being in a car with a broken arm/collarbone will be fucking painful, and she will probably have been crying her eyes out.

Why on earth would you put your 6mo through that rather than leave them safe at home with 3 adults you've known your whole life and trust to look after them?

I would not have given my 6 month baby to anyone that he didn't know and trust, not me or dh but my baby himself. He was left with grandparents, aunts uncles and then eventually nursery staff after settling in sessions. Never an adult that had little to no relationship with him at all. From 6 months old babies get the concept of object permanence and then separation anxiety, it's mean to leave them with someone they don't know and another child could have screamed for the hour dh was gone.

It was an emergency and he made sure he left your DC with someone he trusted. I think it was fine

He does know them, they are lifelong friends, this is so over the top...

I think we have established that there are two camps. So how about make an agreement on what to do going forward. He wasn't objectively wrong and you are not objectively right.

Broken arm isn’t an emergency! Unless the bones sticking out of the skin which it clearly wasn’t so the mom e have just waited! For either ambulance or when you were home with your baby/dad took baby with him and friends went home! I don’t leave my kids with anyone I don’t know and my partner doesn’t know and 100% trust and be happy with!

why didn’t he ring you and discuss this? It wasn’t an emergency! A broken arm can wait

I voted YANBU because leaving a child with two men (okay and a woman) made me feel uncomfortable just reading it. But the more I read, the more I'm inclined to think YABU.

"my issue isn’t... it’s that he left DD with friends I don’t know, the first time I properly left her."

The fact that it's the first time you've left them is a red herring of information IMO. I think the key variable here is that it does seem to have been a genuine reason with urgency. If he'd have merely run out of snacks and gone out to the shop or been pre occupied playing video games I'd have agreed with you, and the fact that it was the first time you left them would have been a more relevant factor. As it is, I think it's just unfortunate coincidence that it was your first time leaving them,

I think your child was better off staying at home with adults who he trusted than in the car for an hour (possibly two if that was a one way?). She was loved. looked after, and safe. Thank your lucky stars that you(he) has friends that can be trusted to be all those things at the drop of a hat. Fine to have a chat with him about you not being comfortable with this and wishing he'd have asked you, but don't dwell too much on it.

What about the 11 year old child? Did she deserve any consideration or care from those who care about her when she was in very conscious pain and distress? FFS. Does her "object permanence" not matter?

It was mitigating circumstances. An emergency where there was an upset, injured child who really needed her brother (and would remember very well if he wasn't there for her). I don't think it shows bad judgement on your DH's part at all. Shit happens with kids. These weren't total randoms, they were friends. You do your best at the time.

I really don't understand how them being childfree ia relevant. Keeping a baby alive for an hour is not that hard. And the child won't be needing therapy for the rest of their lives because of this.

It was an emergency. They are your husbands friends. All fine. And for the people commenting about wouldn’t leave kids with people without children I think that’s very patronising. I’d have done a good job looking after someone’s baby or child before or after being a parent.

You do realise he’s an equal parent, right? It’s not up to you to decide that dad can’t be alone with his own child.

Seriously, this place is getting worse. Folk are nuts

She's 11, ffs.

And if you think a broken arm on a child "can wait" then your parenting or caring skills really aren't up to much. Nor is your empathy. Just wow.

I wouldn’t be ok if it had been all men but with a woman there he trusts and knows I wouldn’t mind.

oh... so if your kid fell and broke their arm/collar bone at school you'll be fine with them deciding it isn't an emergency and they can wait til the end of the school day then?

Come on. behave yourself.

And what harm was caused to your child?