Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

That is such a ridiculous position to take.

This

Otherwise, by your standard OP, neither of you should ever be away from her side in case something happens to one of you.

He's known them longer than he has the OP's Mum/sibling. Or the OP.

Yes. This.

It's mind boggling isn't it!

So an emergency, he left her with people he knows, for an hour? I see no issue at all here.

Best way forward is to have a conversation and plan for next time. Then if an emergency happens DH will know how to manage and what works for you and keeps your baby safe.

How unbelievably condescending.

He left the baby with three lifelong friends, got his badly injured sister to hospital when there were no other options to get her there, and didn't ruin OP's brunch with friends that they had to save up for her to go out on, everyone's needs were met.

In what way did he "NOT manage" or made the "baby unsafe"?

In the real world, men don't dump their newborns on random child free friends that their wife barely knows, they just don't.

DH would have been angry if I'd left either of ours with friends he barely knew, and rightly so.

Oh yes the 'low bar' insult.

What exacty was inappropriate or unsafe about this childcare?

If you've got to continually use such silly emotive language such as newborn, random and dump to make your point you don't have much of a point...

Then it's a good job

a) the baby wasn't a newborn and
b) they weren't just random friends

Once more, with feeling.

DH has known them all his life and obviously trusts them. That should be good enough for any reasonable person given the circumstances.

I wouldn't have unnecessarily taken my 6 month old to A&E if I had trusted friends at my house willing to look after them for an hour. Surely no one would??

I don't think it's weird to have friends round at all but the one time you have a chance for one in one time with your baby?

You know that thing where women complain about carrying all the mental load. Do you think this is how it starts?

You have to let people take responsibility if that's what you want them to do.

Trusts them for what, childcare? And what exactly is he basing that decision-making on, since none of them are actually parents or have provided childcare in the past? I would trust DH's friends to help build some furniture, but not look after our tiny baby alone.

They weren't strangers, they were his friends, whom he obviously trusts, and it sounds like it was an emergency. I think you were overreacting.

Dramatic is an absolute understatement. If you really feel as strongly as you come across in your post I genuinely urge you to get some support for anxiety.

I'm sure mum isn't running every decision past her husband - can you imagine, "hi darling, sorry for calling you at work but I'm at playgroup and desperate for the loo and one of the ladies who runs it has said she'll hold the baby for me, what do you think?"

I think he did the right thing by his injured little sister. It’s his baby too and he has the right to make decisions. And everyone is fine. It was an emergency, it’s not like he left her to go to the pub.

Your issue then is that you have married someone but don't trust their judgement.
Most people can trust the judgement of their children's father, or they wouldn't have had children with them.

Yes this is dramatic and is only really applicable if you don’t trust your husband to make decisions about the welfare of his own child.

I do trust DH. He wouldn't have left any of ours as babies with a group of his childfree friends, he's not that irresponsible.

The baby isn't a "newborn" nice job with trying to sensationalise it though.

If your 11 year old sibling had an accident, broke bones and were in significant pain, 4 hours wait for an ambulance, no money for an Uber. Are you REALLY saying that your DH would be angry at you that you left your 6 month old safe in your house with someone you have know your whole life for an hour while you nipped there and back quickly?

He sounds like he doesn't trust you at all.

Yes it was an emergency but...

First time he has to care for his child for longer than an hour his mates come round.

Which is lucky as apparently he was incapable of just bringing his child to the hospital when his sister needed to go to a and e. 🙄

What if he had needed to be with his sister longer? Did his friends have any way of contacting you if there'd been an emergency with your child?