Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

I despair honestly. So only the people the OP is friends with are acceptable to leave their child with? He's know them decades since he was toddler and yet you're acting like he handed the baby to the Yodel delivery driver.

Ex AE nurse ,children definitely feel pain ! I have quoted my own child’s experiences as well! OP and many posters don’t seem to be too fussed about the 11yr old
Just because your child wasn’t in pain( which I find pretty remarkable ,particularly elbow area )doesn’t mean that this is usual .

I can actually appreciate both sides of this.
From your perspective your baby was left with strangers when there was an alternative solution (DH to take baby and ask friends to leave).
From his perspective these are people he has grown up with, knows them and has probably seen them interact with children previously and felt they were trustworthy and was happy to leave DD. Plus felt it wasn't the best for DD to be sat in a car seat for like an hour when she might of been due a feed (sounds like she would of).

The issue here is it's the first time DD has been left without one of you. And I do understand why that's upsetting, it feels like a big decision with your first baby in particular, you want to make these kind of decisions together when your both ready and happy and because of an unforeseen emergency your DH made a call that goes against what you'd have been comfortable with. But you feel the decision has been taken from you.
But your DH is capable and able to make decisions for your DD too, it's part of parenting and you will come across situations in future that you don't agree on or have a difference in opinion.
The important thing is this was an emergency, and they aren't strangers to DH, it sounds more like he'd see them as family given the time he's known them.

oP you have many firsts to look forward to, and your DH didn't do anything wrong, he made his own parenting decision because he was the parent in charge. But I do get why that feels uncomfortable for you and why you'd have expected a different solution.

OP, would you leave your baby with 3 close friends that you trusted if you needed to drive your injured niece to A&E?

This wouldn’t have bothered me at all, I’ve got 3 DC between ages 1-7.
Maybe he could have texted or called to let you know, but at 6 months, if baby had a bottle and people who were confident changing a nappy, I wouldn’t mind at all.

My friends just had their 8-week old dropped by their grandmother, age 82, who broke her hip in the process of trying to catch the baby. Baby is fine but grandma is not. That was with a full room of family around. It doesn’t matter if the people are family or not, more if they are capable of caring for the baby, which your DH clearly though there were.

Exactly this 👍🏻

What if roles were reversed and a mum left a baby with a friend because there was an emergency and the dad didn’t know them. Would it be ok for him to lose his shit too?

I think you've missed the poster point spectacularly here.

I never mentioned OP’s friends?!?! It’s not acceptable to leave the baby with anybody’s friends, unless both parents know them very well

I think this is good advice, OP.

Of course not! See my post above

It would be the obvious thing for me if I were a man married to a woman who was clearly not comfortable with leaving our child. If I knew she had never done so before, even with the other parent excepting for a short walk.
It doesn't take the highest level of emotional intelligence to think that the OP may have preferred to come home herself than have strangers care for her child.
The conversation i would have had would have gone "I need to take sister to hospital. Friends have offered to sit with baby, but you might prefer to come home".

I’m agreeing with you. My daughter’s elbow was broken but not a bad break. A double break would have been obviously a bad injury and so painful. I was just reading other replies that said ‘why the assumption she’s in agony as my child broke a bone and was fine’ which is obviously really daft.

Aah I see .

They are strangers to OP! Just like if OP left the baby with her friends, who her DH didn’t know - unacceptable

Oh sorry. I misunderstood 🤦‍♀️

She was agreeing with your sentiments that it was madness to assume one person's experience is the only experience and just because one posters child reacted in one way didn't mean others would react the same.

DH knows them really well and from OP I have met them but not super often and I wouldn’t say I really know them. It's not like they were complete strangers to her.

Regardless, he made a decision in an emergency. Maybe it wasn't a perfect decision, but it was OK.

Give it a couple of years and OP will be complaining she carries all the mental load....

So no one can ever leave their child with anyone else unless both parents have known them for a significant amount of time? Back in the real world that's not really how life works.

No f... way. He had to call you, first of all. He could have taken the baby to hospital with one of the friends. We, as parents, don't drop babies with anyone when we have an emergency. We take them with us, isn't it obvious?

Yes I realise now. Thank you.😊

Omg I would feel completely the same. I would be so so upset and I would struggle to trust his judgement ever again to be honest. He should have got one of the friends to take his sister. I also would struggle with him not having told you - I would never feel comfortable leaving the baby with him again as I wouldn't have a clue who was actually looking after her/him! Sorry to be dramatic but I'm surprised at all the people on here who are like 'meh'!!

Let's hope you never find yourself in an unexpected situation like this then and if you do your partner is more logical in his response to your decision on what you saw best for your child in that instance.

She has met them a few times, and he's known them all his life.

He's a parent, he did what was best

I'm amazed that people would rather an 11 year old sit in pain and not get the help they need as quickly as possible because asking lifelong friends to watch a baby for an hour - and evidently capably - is so outlandish.