Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

Iagree completely! Don’t know what is up with some people,

The father has known these people all his life. Would you say the same if a mum left their baby for an hour with someone she knew well but the dad didn’t?

Yes it does. She doesn’t know them-he has known them since childhood.

Understandable but at 3 months old most people are usually on maternity leave.

"since he was a toddler". He is allowed to make decisions and risk assess his own, almost life long friends. He is an equal parent.

Do you trust your husbands judgment ? They are his friends and he obv knows /likes /trusts them an been in his life for decades if met as a toddler

its not like he left dd with a stranger off the street

far easier to take his sister alone. Rather then buggy and bag/bottles /nappies etc for baby

unclench a little

Bonkers all the people who have decided they know about all broken arms because their own children have broken bones?

My daughter broke her elbow- it was fine- not even sure she cried. That doesn’t mean that this girl who broke her arm and clavicle wasn’t in agony!! So many people can’t see past their own experiences.

But her husband knows them very well. They’re not strangers.

Seems a perfectly reasonable thing to do imo.

YABVU.

Let's consider if things were reversed:

• you are at home with your child and some of your friends who your husband doesn't know
• a close member of your family has an accident and needs to attend A&E
• you leave your child with your friends (a mixed-sex group without children of their own, but who have experience looking after children in their extended family) for just as long as it takes to drive your family member to hospital
• you are open and honest with your husband about all this

If in that scenario your husband was angry with you because he didn't know the people (even though you knew these people and trusted them), he would be very much out of order.

Same applies. YABVU.

Well quite. One wonders just how long you've got to know someone before some of the posters on here would be ok with them watching their child for an hour...

Absolutely not. Omg how does he know it was fine. Why didn’t he just call you to come back?

This sounds like a genuine emergency situation and all ended well.
I do think your DH should have let you know what was happening though.
I can understand how you had never really left your DD before and when the goal posts were moved by an emergency i think you DH should have discussed it with you.

Would the OP have to ask permission to leave the baby with her friends if she had an emergency and had to go out for an hour or is it because he’s a man?

I suspect if a thread in reverse was started they’d say he was being controlling.

In this situation I would absolutely call my husband first and let him know!
even if I had to drive my eldest to the hospital (not a sister)

If dh had called you - and said come back - on your first time away from dd - that would be wrong as well

he decided a plan that was safe and meant dd was ok and helped his sister

how old are you and dh ? Is there a big age gap between sis and your dh

Exactly this.

If a mother had been in this man's shoes and done as he had done, and then reported back that her DH was angry on here he would absolutely and deservedly ripped a new one.

If OP trusts him enough to have a baby with and trusts him enough to look after the baby, she should trust him enough to do what he thinks is best.

Imagine being this 11 year old, in a lot of pain, and having to wait longer to get help because the man had to fuck around asking OP's permission to act in her best interests. Fuck that.

“My child was in nursery at 3 months.” Good for you, but understandably that doesn’t suit most people. It’s not a race to the bottom FFS.

This is where you are being super unreasonable.

You obviously trust him as you married him and have had a baby with him.

Today, you went out to lunch and a situation arose that he (as the parent looking after the child at the time) had to make a quick decision about.

He made it.
Potentially you might have made a different choice, but that isn't the point. The point is, he was in charge at the time, you weren't, so obviously he did what seemed the most sensible thing at the time.
The baby is fine.
YABU.
If you'd had to make a quick decision about what to do, would you have phoned him to see what he thought? Or, as the adult in charge at the time, would you have made the decision ?

FWIW I would have made the same call as your dh, but that's not really the point. What if he'd phoned you and you had different view points ? Whose view trumps the other parents?
He'd have been ripped apart on here if you had posted to say you'd gone out for lunch with your friends - the first time you'd gone out without the baby in 6 months, and then he had phoned you to ask you what to do, the first issue that came up.

YABVVVU.

A few posters have similar and I don't understand what the phone calls achieves?

So you phone and let him know and then what...

Wait for him to come home leaving the 11 year old waiting even longer to seek treatment?

Can totally understand why you might be unhappy that the very first time you leave your baby, your partner doesn’t make the best decision when something comes up. I guess he might have been persuaded to leave her there by his friends. I’m sure no harm done but since you’ve never left her before with anyone else, he perhaps should have considered trying to let you know what was going on.

'Unthinkable' would be strapping the baby to the roof. Not sticking them safely in their car seat.

Different people have different bars for appropriate childcare. Some bars are clearly lower than others.

I can just imagine the shitstorm on here if DH had rung the OP for her to come home

"Why couldn't he sort it?"
"Mums get no time to themselves

The LTB brigade would be out in force.

He made a sensible decision in the moment.

These weren't strangers - he's known them his whole life
DD was not at all distressed by the situation - OP has stated baby was absolutely fine
He knew it would be a short trip - he was dropping off not staying.

Sometimes on MN men get vilified for not making a decision regarding care of their own children - children they have equal rights to make decisions on. Now, man makes rational, pragmatic decision and MN is up in arms.

And OP, with all the love in the world to you, the PFB are precious but at 6 months old this is a reasoanble decision to make. She doesn't need it to be you or DH at ALL times. Take care x

Why did he need to have people with him to “keep him company”? Is he 14 or a grown man?

I’d have lost my ever loving SHIT! He left your baby with people who you don’t even know???? Wow how bloody irresponsible.

He's known them since he was a toddler. They are not strangers