Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

What's wrong with having some friends round? Nobody has suggested he needed them, but it's nice to see your mates, isn't it?

Fucking hell, people are weird on here at times.

As an aside, there was a thread recently about a husband who was sulking all day because he couldnt get a Premier Inn breakfast

OP was annoyed at his sulking and it turned out through the thread that she suggested they dont eat at PI but instead go off and find a nicer cafe

The emphasis was that HE AGREED with this plan

But later was pissed off at the faffing around trying to find somewhere they all liked and wanted and then apparently said to her, words to the effect of, 'you always make all the decisions'

Lots of comments from other posters saying why didnt he just say 'no I dont want a nice cafe, I want a PI breakfast', he didnt 'use his words'

lThis is how it starts people, having to check out everything, ask permission, your suggestion of what you want to do is undermined, disagreed with etc etc

So then you learn not to disagree and use your words

And then you decide you cant put up with this lark and check out of parenting all together and take up golf or cycling.

Again, how do lone parents cope? Or parents with three or four kids to cram into a car? They just get on with it, don't they?

And a broken arm isn't quite as dramatic as everybody on here is making it out to be, is it? Neither of mine even knew they had broken bones until we got to hospital!

I would have even expected DH to make a decision based on the fact that the baby HAD to go along. Leaving the baby with his mates shouldn't have even entered his head as a possible option.

Absolutely nowhere does it say these were "lifelong friends" of the father. In fact the OP says she barely knows them.

People are triaged on clinical need ! Age not the priority.If the patient is safe they are bottom of the queue.

Exactly! The baby I’m sure would’ve been much happier getting attention at home than sitting in the car for an hour. I think it would also have been quite a stressful drive for the DH, never mind worrying about the baby too.

These responses are nuts, and I’m known for being quite over-protective and risk averse.

It does. "DH has known them since he was a toddler"

Honestly, I think I'd be thanking those friends for stepping up and helping DH in what was probably a really stressful situation. They fed your DD and gave her cuddles, sounds lovely.

You maybe don't know them well now but your DH does, and maybe this is a great way for you to get to know them more

You may wish to read the OPs posts...it would stop you looking as daft as you do with this comment..

That's terrible for a child with two broken bones. I remember a friend breaking a leg when we were children and paramedics strapped it up before they moved her and gave painkillers too.

To quote OP

"28loloie · Today 15:43
Sorry I feel like I should clarify.
These friends of DHs, none have children of their own, but they are all from a more family oriented culture so probably have experience with nieces, nephews, cousins etc.
DH has known them since he was a toddler, he and his mum moved to the uk after his dad died and then a few years later his friends moved to London. I have met them but not super often and I wouldn’t say I really know them."

So maybe not 100% lifelong, but since he was a toddler.

Did you miss this?

They are lifelong friends of the father, akin to family the way it reads

Read OP replies. Husband grew up with his friends.

A&E is not a good place for a young baby when they don’t need to be there. I think it was good of him not to disturb your brunch and instead leave the baby with his friends.

Lone parents do it by realising they're the parent on the spot and making a decision based on the information and resources available to them at the time. Which is what this man did.

A child with a broken arm/shoulder injury/collarbone wouldn't have been able to tolerate a seat belt easily if at all and would need an adult in the back with her. The pain would have been intense as well - I've dealt with adults who have passed out with the pain from a slow speed fall causing a simple dislocation, never mind going headfirst over the handlebars with all the neck, head or facial injuries that could have been missed with the pain from a fracture. It would have been awful for a child to be left in pain for hours.

Obviously, you can't put a baby in the front seat because of the airbag.

He knows his friends well, he knows they're capable of not mistaking a baby for a football, didn't want to drag his wife back from a rare social thing, so he took the obvious, sensible decision as the father of the baby and dealt with all of it himself.

And he's still in the wrong.

It must be pretty unusual not to have been away from your baby for more than an hour at 6 months' old, so I suspect you're unusually protective. My child started nursery at 3 months! I think you're going to have to get used to the idea that your DH is as much the parent to his child as you are, and can make decisions on that basis. And these were his lifelong and highly trusted friends. YABU, and I suggest you start being less clingy and protective towards the baby. Why isn't your DH or his mother (or yours) ever in charge of the baby? It would be good for everyone.

Do you have children? Would you expect them to be there for each other and for you in an emergency when they’re older? An hour out of their time for example?

What on earth is FOO?

Lone parents have to make less than ideal decisions or they ask a neighbour or they ask a lifelong friend like he did, or they do have to bundle them all up because they have NO CHOICE.

However he did have emergency child care as a choice so he quite rightly used it

Its unthinkable that a baby would be taken out and disrupted for this when she didnt need to be, not to mention the logistics which people have pointed out several times

And yes, the 11 year old sister sounds a right drama queen, I mean whats wrong with her, hope she isnt going to expect any time off school or painkillers or anything.

A broken arm is fucking painful my experience and my daughter was vomiting when she broke her arm . You really don’t have a clue!

I think from what OP said not far up above, DH just dropped his sister and mum off, doesn’t sound like he actually needed to go in with them or anything.

The baby could have been stressed out with separation anxiety also, having never been left with strangers before. Although typically that happens around 8 months old so slightly older than op's child, babies do sometimes look around and panic if they can't see a parent.

Weird people on here. Of course it’s wrong. He should have called the OP so she could have come back. Not just left the baby with people the OP doesn’t know. All you free and easy types - beyond weird! It’s a little baby for goodness’ sake!!

Yabu. This was an emergency situation and if you ever had someone who done a break like this you know they be screaming in pain and need someone to support their arm in the back seat. This is not a suitable situation for a baby and where would the baby car seat go as the mum and sister be in the back seat. Your dh made a decision quickly based on what happened. His judgement. Take it he knows his friends. Baby was safer at home.