Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

So an injured child with broken bones, upset, crying, sitting awkwardly, needing more space, grandparnt in the middle, car seat at the end

Baby needing a bottle, oh lets pull over and feed baby for 10 mins, in the cold, while child is in agony

Yeah, good idea.

If he was popping out to the shop, or just nipping to his mum's to pick something up, or some other minor leaving the house quickly that wasn't urgent - fair enough.

An emergency like this was - no. Not necessary. He needed to leave quickly and didn't need permission. He needed to act quickly in the best interests of his sister and his child, which he did.

What gets me is that he needed his friends to keep him company while he looked after his DD for a couple of hours

Certainly was with my daughter who broke arm and son who broke his wrist.

How is that the obvious thing?! If he’d done that it would he “weaponised incompetence” - and if you were in a friends house when such an emergency arose would you not offer to look after the bay for an hour rather than the mother being called to come home?

Sigh. If OP had posted useless DH couldn't even manage this minor emergency without ruining my one off afternoon out...

If he'd called her, it would have delayed getting help for his sister, made no difference to the baby's welfare and curtailed OP's outing.

He's the child Dad. It was his watch. He made decisions, which were fine.

I can confirm children are not prioritised over adults unless they are in a condition that puts them at the head of the queue. Being a child does not influence the triage process. It is based solely on clinical need.

YABU. He’s the baby’s father and should be able to make decisions in exactly the same way you can. He trusts his friends and he had to make a judgement call. I’m not sure what else he could reasonably have done. A&E waiting times can be up to 12 hours here if it’s not life threatening, and it’s no place for a baby. Better she was safe at home with people he trusted.

Yup.

You are not being unreasonable Op. At all.

There's a reason why childcare is the most regulated and everyone who works with children has a police check.

I reckon those yelling YABU would be the first to yell at a mom who left her baby at a nursery knowing they didn't check their staff.

Your baby is totally dependant on you and DH for her care and safety. You should think twice, three times and then again before leaving her with anyone. There were alternative ways of managing and talking through these will help you both feel more confident.

Best way forward is to have a conversation and plan for next time. Then if an emergency happens DH will know how to manage and what works for you and keeps your baby safe.

Best wishes for you and your family.

I dont think a mother would leave their young baby to drive a sibling to hospital.

Again, those are all adults. We've waited hours and hours for ambulances for elderly relatives.

Ambulances for children, especially ones in severe pain, seem to be prioritised and always come fast. We're out in the countryside too.

Well several have done exactly that and said as much on this thread...

And me when I fell off my bike as an adult and discloated (not even broke) my knee

Leaving your baby with three people he's known his entire life to take his 11 year old sister to A&E is hardly leaving the baby with some randoms from work.

He's her father. He gets to make some decisions about what is appropriate for his daughter. He doesn't need to ask permission.

I find that very weird!!

Exactly this.
Both equal parents

May e not, but that doesn't make what DH did wrong, just different.

Arguably insisting on staying with baby, delaying getting care for the 11yo would have been a less good decison, although again understandable, and if it had been OP in charge at the time, her decision would also have been fine.

Personally, I'd be fine with it. It's OK that you aren't but also OK that your DH didn't realise it would be an issue. A 6 month old isn't a newborn, many babies that age are in childcare, with several different care givers that the parents don't personally know. An hour at home with your DH's life-long friends, in an emergency situation really doesn't seem like a big deal.

His little sister needed to go to the hospital, even though it wasn't a life or death situation it was still probibly stressful for everyone and he will have had to make an in the moment decision. It's not ideal that he didn't consider your preference for parent only care, but I can totally see how that may not have been forefront in his mind in the moment.

There must be an underlying issue here, like the friends being irresponsible types, or the husband having weird untrustworthy friends or something??

I wouldn't have liked this either when my baby was 6 months old, I'd expect my dh to call me first and discuss what to do and I probably would have come home in this situation. Maybe he didn't want to disturb your lovely time out of the house though, playing devil's advocate.

Side note but I'd also call an ambulance if my child broke their arm. I thought you weren't supposed to move a broken limb until paramedics arrive.

I can also confirm this is total nonsense and is in no way applicable to children as a population.
Additionally, a fractured collar bone can be excruciating. This was an 11 year old child with multiple fractures (arm and collar bone). A fairly significant injury.

You don't even need checks if you're not going to be alone with the children, which these three adults weren't.

You can find it weird but that doesn't mean they haven't or wouldn't do it again. You never know what you'd do until you find yourself in the situation.

They called an ambulance and said it would take a long time (read the OP’s replies).