Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

You'd leave your 11yo alone in the back seat with a baby in that circumstance?

So injured child on one back seat, baby in carrier on the back other, adults in the front? What if the injured child needs help supporting her broken arm? Is the baby going to do it?

Obviously the baby will be able to support and comfort a scared and in pain 11 year old with broken bones…..

I don't get it, isn't an 'UBER' a car like any other or do they have medical equipment and a Dr supplying pain meds?

She'd have been fine in a taxi with her actual dm, we're talking a broken arm not a gushing wound.

You're being ridiculous. What, exactly, do you think was going to happen to your baby? It doesn't matter that you don't know them. Your husband does, and he trusts them.

It would be a bloody nightmare to get a baby sorted and bundled into the car in order to take another kid to A&E. Why on earth would you make it more stressful for him?

I've experienced exactly the same for adults, not children though. They've always arrived within half an hour. As I said, I've always suspected children are prioritised, maybe we've just been lucky though.

The mode of transport is not the indicator of whether something is an emergency in that way dont be obtuse

Do you think she could have waited to just see her GP then?

Of course it was an emergency and she needed to get to hospital, newflash for you, you dont have to travel to hospital by ambulance and you shouldnt do if you are mobile and able to travel by car.

This is why the country is on its knees for gods sake with attitudes like this.

It’s an emergency because there is an 11year old in severe pain but not an ambulance emergency because it’s not life threatening.

it’s as if some posters have just arrived from another planet!

It really comes down to whether you trust your dp’s judgement of his own friends?

The fact that there were a few of them there and one was female, and it was just an hour, is a positive. I would feel better if they had children themselves or were accustomed to looking after babies (I.e. worked in a nursery/looked after nieces, nephews, etc.).

It’s very personal, but it comes down to whether you trust your dp to make the right judgement while he is in charge. It’s so difficult when they are so little, but to some degree as mothers we do need to relinquish control and allow the father to make reasonable choices too. That is, if the father is reasonable. For example, I have an older child with my ex and I would not have liked this situation at all with him because I didn’t trust him at all to put the baby’s interests first. However, I have a 7 month old baby with my current partner and I would be fine with this situation as I trust him completely, and I know he would never leave our baby with people who are incompetent or incapable.

YANBU. Why did he need someone to keep him bloody company? Is he always an idiot?

Id be really hurt if my lifelong friend didn’t think I could look after his baby for an hour in an emergency.

Actually just remembered that I did exactly this in an emergency. My husband was away for work and I was home with our 3 year old and 3 month old. My 3 year old had a horrible asthma attack and I had to call an ambulance. They wouldn’t let me bring my son to the hospital so I dropped him off at a friend’s and went to the hospital with my daughter. I didn’t ask or tell him - I did my own risk assessment and made sure everyone was safe in his absence. And there was nothing else to say about it. I think your husband did the right thing though he could have asked his mum to call you from the car so it wasn’t a surprise.

I have asked this question so many times on this thread and no reply!! Injured child WILL NEED an adult beside her to support arm and high risk of child vomiting etc ! It has happened in my family.

YANBU he should have called you as soon as the emergency came up if he even had the remotest thought of leaving your daughter so that he could check it was ok with you.

I don’t think parents of a 6 month old baby should be making the unilateral decision to leave them in the care of others when the other parent has not been informed and in this case the mum left them for the first time ever.

Other people saying he knew the friends are missing the point. She left her baby safe in the knowledge she’d be with DH the entire time. If at any point that was going to change she should have been asked as leaving her DD with anyone else was not the deal and had never happened before. If he didn’t want to disturb her brunch he should have taken the baby with him.

How are you going to feel now the next time you want to go out? It’s going to be more worrying not knowing if he’ll do something you disagree with like this again.

Why didn’t he call you?

No, I'd sit in the middle if someone else was driving.

But I imagine single parents would have to manage just fine in that scenario, wouldn't they?

I'd much rather leave the baby in the back with the 11 year old with a homemade sling than leave her at home with DH's mates...

And the screaming 11yo will be able to comfort the baby upset by the screaming.

It was fortunate that he did have company.

Wanting to see friends is hardly idiocy.

YADNBU
I would have brained him.

Maybe he didn't call her because he was trying to get a child to hospital as quickly as possible, as any decent human being would?

5 minutes fannying around calling OP and getting her permission was 5 more minutes this kid was in pain.

He absolutely made the right judgement. He didn't leave the baby with strangers, he left the baby with people he trusted and who clearly managed to look after the baby perfectly capably.

I wouldn't expect to come home and find my husband had left the baby with a group of his mates that I barely knew. I'm suprised so many mums on this thread are entirely comfortable with that scenario. He should've phoned the OP and told her to get home pronto.

Have any of you ever had a dc with a broken limb? There isn't any screaming at all.

What is clear on this thread is that there seems to be a lot of women who are unable to trust their partners to be a responsible parent. What they’re demanding is a man to be an equal parent but simultaneously defer to them as the ‘mother’…..i.e. I want you to make the same decisions I would, without me having to explain them and if you don’t you’re incompetent and I can’t trust you. So many women place their whole value as a human on being a mother to the point of over-controlling the father-child relationship.

Where do you live? I waited 5 hours when I fell over in woods and broke numerous and dislocated shoulder.
Residents have waited up to 8-9 hrs when they have fallen fractured hip .
Cyclist outside our house 7 hrs with broken ankle !

Did he try and call you op to let you know? (Sorry I cant be arsed to go though all the pages)

He's the other parent and he can make parenting decisions. This was a one off emergency and I think it's pretty controlling to expect him to run his parenting decisions by OP and to think that he's "allowed" to make them. He is by parental right.

The 11 year old would have needed the back seat and especially if her arm wasn't splinted, would need someone beside her, not a baby seat. And there is no fucking way in hell anyone could justify leaving someone with multiple fractures laying there waiting for the mom to return.

What would you have done in his situation? Considering all the circumstances? Long wait for an ambulance, 11 year old girl with at least 2 broken bones, no other transport available, lifelong friends willing to look after the baby?

Brained him? Have a word with yourself