Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

And you would leave a child with broken bones to go to hospital in an UBER or wait hours for an ambulance? Seriously?

He left her baby with people she barely knew. Not the same as 'which brand of bum cream would be better' ffs.

I’m imagining his sister was screaming in agony. A good idea to put a baby in the car with her? If the mother had done this and left the baby with her three friends would think this was off?

Luckily my husband and I have always trusted each other’s judgment and been able to make independent decisions when needed. It’d be a pain in the arse calling each other every time something new came up.

I honestly don’t think he did anything wrong.

I'd expect a call, and him to take the baby with him if that was the right call for her. Come on. He had better options.

But who he had known since childhood…

Women are sometimes their own worst enemy. There is a lack of ability or downright refusal in many to confront where traditionally patriarchal beliefs, assumptions and expectations are still being permitted to influence behaviour and treatment of others.

But he does know them, the parents dont have to know each others friends equally

He's known them from childhood, almost like family.

Personally I'd be more annoyed if my husband had the option to leave the baby with very good friends and instead decided to take them in the car with a very distressed 11 year old with multiple broken bones.

And you’d say no-sorry-the child with broken bones will have to wait hours for an ambulance. Right.

Why is leaving the baby for one hour with long term family friends a bad option? Why is baby being in the car for an hour, half of which with a distressed child better? Why would making the OP leave her brunch early (or worry for the rest of it) better?

It makes all the difference in the world!

It's a really big deal the first time you leave your baby and for such a massive thing to happen during that time must have been really upsetting for OP.

My girls are teenagers so it's been a very long time since this would have worried me but I can remember how emotional ALL the mums were when our babies were small.

Regardless, if it was me I would want to know. OP clearly wanted to know, too. We aren't all the same. I just expressed how I would feel in these circumstances.

Absolutely this. How anyone thinks its a better option to drag a baby out for this I do not know

Makes me question these people's judgement in their parenting.

Ultimately what they're suggesting is to ring the wife, not just to 'check' with her, but to get her to direct what should happen, even though he had already decided

Thats how women end up parenting their husbands and being mentally exhausted and then resentful of being the one in charge.

And then a single parent.

He should have told you. And even then, why wouldn’t he just take your baby with him, if he was just driving them to A&E? Lack of communication on his part has made this a bigger issue than it should have been.

None of that is relevant - she didn't get to say whether she agreed with any of those things, or was fine for baby to be left. Which is precisely what my first comment said.

What were the better options?

Ask the OP? She clearly didn't think this was the right one. If it were me I'd come home, but I haven't said she should have, just that he should have asked her whether she was ok with him leaving the baby.

Why is the baby being in car for on hour, half of that time with a distressed child better than being at home with long term family friends?

I must have a heart of stone because leaving my baby for a short time really wasn’t a big deal to me!

Would you expect him to wait until you got home before taking his sister? If so that seems unnecessarily cruel on the poor 11 year old.

I think you're being extremely unreasonable. His sister had a fall that broke multiple bones and the friends were nice enough to mind the baby while he took sister to the ER.

So you don't know them. He does and he's ok to make a parental decision that she would be ok with them while he dealt with an emergency.

I used to watch a friend's baby when she worked and I didn't know the dad.

I dunno mate, I don't know any of the details or distances. I know I would want a phone call. That's it!

I’m asking you as you said there was better options. And you would be happy to make an injured child wait longer than necessary while you finished your eggs Benedict and made your way home?