Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

Oof… there a way to vote the OP is being reasonable and the posters in this thread are being the unreasonable ones?

@28loloie yo sound perfectly normal here. Of course it was a shock when you came home and found out what happened. Honestly would have been if there was no 6 mo old baby. You’re also not unreasonable to have feelings about your baby being left with the friends. I think once the shock wears off a bit you’ll be able to understand how this all unfolded and how quickly it went down.

It’s done now and the best thing going forward is to to talk to your husband about what happened, share your feelings, and move on after having a few more what if planning sessions with your DH.

The mother is widowed. Perhaps she doesn't drive. Perhaps she is on medication that forbids her to drive.

This thread also highlights why the cycle continues of useless men. So many posters who expected the husband to call the OP instead of dealing with the emergency (which he did). So many think that the men shouldn’t manage and the woman has to deal with everything child related. It’s depressing.

Put 'them' to sleep on a sofa? It's just one baby and a she, the op has said.
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whatevenarethey, all those things could have happened but hardly likely and they didn't. I get how you feel but the guy had to make a quick decision and presumably he knows his friends even if you don't. Trust his judgement, it's over now anyway with with no harm done and I doubt such a situation will arise again while your daughter is still a baby.

Draw a line and move on.

Ugly attitude

Even if your husband doesnt have family, you can surely understand the value and benefit in society supporting each other.

This why we're going to hell in hand cart quite frankly

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Good lord.

OP explained why his friends were there that afternoon.

I don’t mind that he had his friends over, why would I? I have friends over but I wouldn’t leave DD with them without consulting DH. I don’t speak the same language as these friends (DH grew up speaking two languages, I’ve learned one of them but not the one his friends speak), so while they do speak English they prefer talking native language when together and that’s obviously easier if I’m not there, if I was they’d speak English and enjoy it less.

Sounds like sister would have been in a lot of pain, very distressing for his mum and sister. I think leaving baby with his very close friends is ok. I wouldnt expect a phone call or discussion as it would delay him leaving. Same as packing bag, bottles etc. Also he dropped them off and went straight back so he was away as short a time as possible.

If he left baby for a non urgent reason, or if he left baby with a neighbour or collegue he didnt know well i would be furious. But sounds like quick and stressful decision and although you may not know his friends well you do know them and he has known them a very long time.

Would you divorce him if circumstances change then? 😂
Like his mother had an accident and needed help for 6 weeks? Or is he an orphan or something?

Presumably DH had to leave in a bit of a rush and just made the split-second decision to leave the baby with friends who were clearly trustworthy, as the baby was absolutely fine. He probably didn't want to bother OP when she was getting what will be a well-deserved break as well.

Personally, I don't really see what the problem is at all.

It’s shocking that people think he shouldn’t have prioritised his badly injured little sister over a 6 month old who was totally oblivious,happy etc ! Not one person has explained how they would transport baby in car seat,badly injured 11yr old and Mum safely in his car !!

I'd expect a call so I had the choice of whether to return immediately or trust them with my baby.

And since when did A&E take an hour and why didn't whoever was looking after his sister take her to A&E.

Everything sounds suss. I wouldn't be happy.

And why haven't you RTT? 🤣 All of that has been explained multiple times.

😱

Did you really mean to make that blanket statement?! Holy shit.

Read the OP replies,all the answers are there 🙄

I haven't rtft but I read your posts OP. I wouldn't be ok about this. I would at least have expected a phonecall so I had the chance to be a part of his decision. That's the thing that's bothering me the most, I think - you weren't given any say.

Read the thread. She was with mum who didn’t drive. He didn’t stay with them. Just dropped them off. Why should the OP’s brunch be disturbed when he had trusted friends to support for the hour?

On this basis he was reasonable. They aren't brand new friends from the pub they are lifelong friends he trusts, who are from a family friendly culture as you've described and who you have met more than once despite not knowing them well. It was an hour, baby was fine. I don't think you would've got a car seat his mum and his sister in the back and his sister may well have needed someone next to her to support her arm given the severity of the injury and her age. The only thing I would've wanted DH to do would have been to tell me so I could choose whether to come home when expected or cut my brunch short.

Do most mums of 6 month old spend all day on the phone to the father having a discussion about each decision they're making that day?

Why would this be necessary

I said I'd want the choice if it was the first time I left my baby.

Do you run everything past your husband about children? What decisions can he make independently?

At 6m old? Yeah I would! At least, if he were out and I needed to leave the baby with friends to take someone to hospital... It's weird to me. Just is.

JFC 🤦.

YABU. If you can't trust your DH's ability to make safe childcare choices you shouldn't have had a DC. I'd never consult with my DH about who had to have my DC in an emergency and visa versa, we both can trust the judgement of the other.

What difference does it make if its the first or 15th time

The husband had care of the child, he decided who he sought childcare from. A he should