Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

Once again some posters completely ignoring the OPs posts just so they can get their opinion on the screen.

Not on Mumsnet they don’t!

Presumably OP spends plenty of time looking after said child on her own week in week out. He 'offered to take her' so she could go out for brunch, but couldn't manage this without company?

Jeeez, what an over-reaction! I've never checked with DH if I've needed to leave one of my DC with a friend, much less in an emergency.

And even if their mother could drive, she would really need someone to support her daughter in the back while driving

Oh wow. I'd help a neighbour whose 11yo needed to get to A&E. He left the baby with three lifelong friends to do a good and necessary thing.

Well, I wouldn't. That's my family, though, not the OP's. My bad for not reading OP's updates. I personally do not like FOO demands on my husband, and I don't tolerate them on my own side, either. But that's by the by. It sounds as if all was well that ended well.

Because she’s his sister. A child who he presumably loves who had a number of broken bones.

Because it's his eleven year old sister? Bloody hell.

Yes, I’m seeing. So much unnecessary spite in the world. It’s sad isn’t it?

Well, apart from the injured child

I would not be happy at all about this. At six months, I would have popped her in the car, dropped off the sister and driven back. No way would I have left her.

I don't think anyone would particularly "like it". But occasionally, extreme circumstances dictate that we put aside a preferences and comfort to help our fellow human in a moment of need. At least some of us do.

"couldn't manage this without company"

Do you know him? Were you there? Or are you just making stuff up in your own head and then getting cross about it?

When does a trip to A&E get done in an hour? Did he leave his sister there? How did she get home?

what new father needs to be kept company the first time he had sold charge of a new baby?

a man opting out of parenting, that’s who.

From the OP:

I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well ... to keep him company.

This is the first time he's spent more than an hour alone with his child on his own, and he needs company? It says in the OP that he invited them over, they could have come when everyone was home but he invited them to come when he was on his own, having quality time with his 6 month old.

I think this thread should be flagged under some category like 'reasons why the divorce rate is so high'

@28loloie

How's his sister now? Is she coping OK?

Read the thread. It might actually help you understand.

Ok, I get it! This is why I married a man without dependent family, good lord.

I’d prefer my 6 month old not to have to witness an 11 year old in severe distress during that car journey. Distressed adults too no doubt.

Every now and then there is a MN thread where the responses feel completely alien to me. This is one of them. I can't belive so many people think this was somehow wrong and irresponsible. Very interesting and makes me understand why people won't have kids.

I know they say "charity begins at home" but I'm baffled by some of these attitudes. People who wouldn't help their sister in an emergency because they wouldn't leave their baby with trusted friends. Honestly I despair.

Taking a child who has broken two bones to
hospital is a bit more than ferrying people about. It was an emergency for one hour.

There are plenty of useless men out there who don't deserve to me married. But there are also some men who push themselves beyond their comfort zones, and yet get nothing but criticism for any perceived imperfection. Then they disengage and withdraw, and we'll question why.