Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

Why does not having children of your own make you incapable of caring for a baby for a few hours in an emergency?

I would imagine that he said he had an emergency. His friends said they would help out, so he went off to help his mum and didn't disturb you as you were getting a well earned break. It might be a different call to the one you would have made, but it's an entirely understandable one. He knows these people well. He thought this was the best solution. Try to feel grateful he didn't just ruin your lunch.

I wouldn't be happy either

One of the friends could have taken the sister to a and e

Or, a sensible adult would have just called you, op

I think, in light of the fact that your DH has known his friends since childhood and that you say they come from a very family orientated culture, so probably had experience with nephews and nieces, that your DH was most definitely not unreasonable in leaving your six month old with his friends. He obviously felt they could be trusted to keep DD safe and cared for while he dealt with the unexpected emergency.

I really think you are over reacting Op and should just be glad that your DH was able to get his sister and Mum to A&E and was lucky to have trusted friends to leave DD with during the emergency.

Why wouldn't you be able to trust them? Did they do or say anything that made you feel they were anything but trustworthy? It's his baby too, these are his friends, he trusts them, and if you don't trust his judgement you shouldn't have chosen him to be the father of your (shared) child. He was in a difficult situation and clearly left the baby in good hands.

If you'd had to rush a loved one to A&E and leave your baby at short notice with one of your trusted friends, would you think your husband reasonable to object?

Yes and it doesn't mean that is wrong. I remember when it felt weird just being in a different room to my baby. Leaving the house without them felt like chopping my arm off.

Whether it's innate, or just because men typically have to get accustomed to separation from their child often from day one (leaving them in the hospital overnight), men's typically more able to manage being apart and leaving their child in the care of others.

And in this case I think it meant that DH could probably think more rationally about what made sense in the situation than the DW would have done.

Her husband knows them, and none of those things happened, so clearly he was right to trust them.

Why is his sister getting to A&E his problem? I wouldn't be happy with this, OP. I am surprised at the number of people saying you are BU.

I would hit the fucking roof. Why did he have to drop his sister to A and E?

It isn't hard no but again, babies like familiar faces you don't just dump them with strangers <to them> to ferry folk about.

How do you know its a rare occasion? Has OP never left the home once since birth? She said its a rare trip out with friends, not that she's been housebound for 6 months.

I would be livid at him putting his FOO over his baby. Either his sister is a child, in which case his parents' responsibility and not his, or she is an adult, in which case she can get to A&E by herself.

Because he loves and cares for his 11 year old sister? Like any decent person would.

Would you not help? That's cold, bordering on callous

I'm surprised the sister didn't call an ambulance many on mumsnet seem to think they are the a&e designated transport service for everyone.

Not the point at all. If I were the friends, I wouldn't want to be left with someone else's baby, especially if it was only one parent who ok'd it.

She's eleven, with two broken bones.

There are so many situations on mumsnet where a father has had a child-related situation develop, given up, and then called the mother for advise and/or to take over. Such situations are usually castigated as examples of weaponised incompetence.

Yet here we've got a father who competently dealt with an emergency situation without needing to go running to his wife to take over and he's being accused of not being sensible, not caring, and otherwise doing it wrong.

11? Where are her parents? See my later post.

OP has explained exactly why he need to take his widowed mother and young sister.

The dynamics sound really odd here.

I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

She’s 6 months old, but your husband hasn’t been alone with her for more than an hour? Why?

DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends to keep him company.

Why did he need company? Is he unable to parent by himself for a few hours?

Anyway, he should have taken the baby in the car to pick his sister and mother up and dropped them
both at A&E, then returned home with baby. He shouldn’t have left his friends responsible for looking after the baby.

I sound awful but he just sounds like a very odd man.

If you decided to leave your child with a lifelong friend that you would trust with your childs life with, never mind your own, you would feel the need to ask your husbands permission?

Well done, you've crossed from cold to callous. Give yourself a pat on the back

Some families and friendship circles actually support each other in times of crisis and emergency. Honestly, some of the replies are beyond ridiculous. A good father is capable of considering and making a decision about this. I think those of you who are so against might well be projecting your feelings about your own partners abilities as a father on to this?

Jesus! I would criticise him much more for not helping a child with broken bones than for leaving his baby with friends for an hour!

I don't think you're unreasonble
to feel upset but your husband wasnt unreasonable either.

His lifelong family friends were visiting and his sister had an accident.

He probably thought he didn't want to disturb you on a rare outing with friends. That it wouldnt be great for a baby to be taken out on a drive with another injured child in a stressful situation. So he thought it better to leave the baby with friends for an hour get his sister sorted then come back.

Have you asked him why he thought that better?

He made a judgement call turns out you disagree. Just say that you would prefer to be called in a situation like that if there is a next time.