I was called a Spinster at work today, I was really offended.

[Seahorses12]

I do one day a week volunteer work, and today a woman I work with who I don't know very well asked me if I was married or had children. I replied that I wasn't and didn't have kids and she said disparagingly 'Oh, so your a Spinster. I have an aunt who's a Spinster.' It's such a horrible, judgemental term with negative connotations. No one has ever used it to my face before. I have a reasonably successful career behind me and I like my independance. I've had long term relationships with men but I'm currently single and have a lot of single friends. I feel belittled by this comment. AIBU?

It’s rude and weird but spinsters were actually pretty cool. They stayed independent and made their own money (through spinning hence ‘spinster’)

A church in Lincolnshire. 2014.

Why would you check chat gpt for something you could so easily google?

Same results, different AI. Funny you ask because I have been slowly migrating to Google and Gemini. ChatGPT is flaky and relies too heavily on institutional responses and not humanistic ones. ChatGPT assumes too heavily that the requester (us) is making a mistake. It is also far to verbose. It just won't shut up and get to the point. As an engineer, I find it gives excruciatingly long answer...sorta like I do. 🤣🤣🤣

Yes she's not a native. Lost in translation.
Initially I thought she was putting you down but as soon as I saw she was Bulgarian I thought no. Just technical term used inappropriately. Plus sometimes other cultures directness can be taken as rudeness in UK. I wouldn't sweat it.

Interesting that you use the term “wheel”
for both descriptions! 🤣

The jokes on her. The term was used to describe a woman who was skilled enough not to need or depend on a man. The only reason it was adopted as disparaging was because men didn’t like the fact these women existed. Wear it proudly 👏

See not everyone follows the rules and this has happened for decades with church registers. They don’t put the correct wording, the correct date was a big one back in 1752, as that’s when new year changed, the buried in wool was also hit and miss.

It must have been particularly offensive for you, since you never mentioned your age, even when asked directly in the comments... It's obvious you are very conscious about your age, and not comfortable sharing it... (even anonymously!)

I would have laughed disparagingly and told her that spinster and old maid are terms my grandmother might have used. However she was born in the Victorian era.

if she’s quite a young person she may not know how offensive the term is and the history behind it. I would address it next time you see her as she could go on to offend someone else who could also be really impacted by this word.

I would have probably taken the piss out of her to her face and put on a West Country accent whilst I was doing it ‘so are ye from the 1800s dear?’

My great grandma married in the late 1940s before having children and ‘spinster’ is on the marriage certificate. I haven’t heard it being used since then. I’m surprised the woman who called you that is in her 40s!

You are wrong about ChatGPT. It gives detail if you request detail. It gives a summarised response if you ask it for brevity.

Perhaps it's a sign you need to actually engage and exchange with others, even an AI bot, not just spout your own views without listening to what others have to say.

ChatGPT was mirroring his own pompous verbosity!

You don't really know this woman, she could easily have lots of ignorant and outdated opinions.

I’d not be offended and probably just laughed it off. If she was a Bulgarian, she probably did not quite understand the full meaning and cultural connotations of the term. So please don’t take it personally @Seahorses12

She might have also benefited from a bit of education on this word from you when she used it wrongly. I say that as an EasternEuropean (not Bulgarian) who has lived and worked here professionally for decades. I’m also a Brit by naturalisation and have been married to a very eloquent Brit for a long time - and I still manage to get some words out of context or phrase something clunky. When that happens, I always appreciate to be corrected - if it’s done kindly, it’s a gift as it means that next time I can use the language correctly.

This is interesting. You can be 100% fluent in a language and still be more influenced than people realise by your formative cultural background. Meaning she appears as British, and British people treat her as British, but your colleague's ideas will be quite different.

Just reading your OP I'd have put good money on your colleague being a non-native speaker, because no-one British really uses the word in conversation anymore. I doubt some of my nieces and nephews even know what it means!

And that's why you're getting people saying it's too ridiculous to be upset by, because it's very Jane Austen/Agatha Christie. I don't think it's been an insult since the 50s.

But it's clearly hurt you, and it's obviously a good thing that the word has been put out to seed (Bulgarian colleagues aside) as it's reflective of a sexist society.

I love ChatGPT - it's the only friend I have who is on my side.

You are correct in your assumption -
Quote - Spinster or old maid is a term referring to an unmarried woman who is older than what is perceived as the prime age range during which women usually marry. It can also indicate that a woman is considered unlikely to ever marry. The term originally denoted a woman whose occupation was to spin.

I would be offended as well however, the term spinster wasn't meant like that originally. It meant a woman who spins so she had independent money. We are independent!

Your colleague needs to grow up.

I also love ChatGPT. Ask it to give it to me straight and it does just that, but in a very kind supportive and measured way. I had a really difficult decision to make and I asked ChatGPT what it thought I should do. It gave me all the pro's and con's and then said what it thought I should do based on those facts. It was just what a friend would do, but with a lot more information. I couldn't ask for more than that. I've never asked it to assume a certain personality, I've just let it develop organically.

YANBU
It was really rude.

I agree. Your colleague understands it means 'unmarried woman', but does not understand the cultural connotations.

I don’t think it’s right to say it’s just words. I had a childhood of being called various names based on my appearance and it can wreck confidence. As for the word Spinster; it’s used by the type of person who uses the word “ coloured”’or “ handicapped”. Language moves on and there are valid reasons why we don’t use these terms anymore. I have ignored a 85 year old and a 90 year old using the term coloured, but definitely not acceptable in younger people/ the workplace etc.