I was called a Spinster at work today, I was really offended.

[Seahorses12]

I do one day a week volunteer work, and today a woman I work with who I don't know very well asked me if I was married or had children. I replied that I wasn't and didn't have kids and she said disparagingly 'Oh, so your a Spinster. I have an aunt who's a Spinster.' It's such a horrible, judgemental term with negative connotations. No one has ever used it to my face before. I have a reasonably successful career behind me and I like my independance. I've had long term relationships with men but I'm currently single and have a lot of single friends. I feel belittled by this comment. AIBU?

I believe this woman works with you.
I think it would be good to discuss it with her. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to say to her in a quiet moment that you were upset by her comment as the word is usually used in a derogatory way. You wondered whether she was aware of that.
That should give you some idea of her intentions in making the comment.
The only important thing is to make sure no one else is listening and that you’re able to speak calmly and not show your distress too overtly.

The dictionary definitions do say that it wasn't derogatory historically, but in current use it is. Probably along the lines of how racist terminology was once perfectly acceptable but you wouldn't use it now.
Call her out on it and explain that it is a derogatory term, she'd be mortified (hopefully).

Which is exactly what Op is ENTIRELY BY HER OWN CHOICE. Why is she offended that the correct word for that has been applied to her.

Because it isn't the correct word.

It may have been in the past, but not any more - unless you're trying to insult someone.

It is no longer used to denote status in official documentation. Why do you think that is?

I would have laughed at her and made fun of the term "Spinster" 🤣 I would have asked her what Century she was from. I 'd have called attention to her comment to anyone else within earshot and then I'd tell her Queen Victoria had a telegram for her! By the time I was finished she wouldn't know whether to "s.@t or go blind" She also wouldn't call me a Spinster again. 😆 😉

Well, we don't know how old the OP is, we don't know what the future holds for her, and we presume that the relationships she has had were not worth pursuing.

Spinster has always had a negative connotation because it implies failure.

Yes exactly, along with the old chestnut "on the shelf". Such vile intent to dehumanise women The OPs colleague is a traitor to her own sex.

You are being obstinate. Not stupid or unintelligent, just obstinate. I'm sure you know the definition so I won't repeat it. This is a real English word that some people have adopted into their lexicon. It's not insulting.

You are following the crowd with believing that words have power. They don't. YOU allow words to hurt you. Stop it. It's an accurate and specific word that describes your current marital and child status.

As a side. My wife, who is a "feminist", is labeled as a spinster on our marriage certificate from 2016. She accepted the term as she didn't have a choice and the law had no other option. But in the end, she could care less.

The social weight arises from the feminist carpet bombing of anything historically feminine. It's only a cultural insult to the weaker thinking who believe words have power and women are men.

Oh do I laugh when the subject arises at family gatherings or anniversaries. I laugh right next to her frowns and glaring eyes. I never bring it up myself, because that's dickish. But when it happens, she takes it because she knows it's just a word. She doesn't like it, but she's a bigger person and knows that the word "spinster" is part of her history (UK), like it or not. And still, I laugh. So should you. Own it.

Is She still married?
I would have replied to them " no I just have more sense and don't feel a man would add anything to my life at this point in time"

Oh do I laugh when the subject arises at family gatherings or anniversaries. I laugh right next to her frowns and glaring eyes. I never bring it up myself, because that's dickish. But when it happens, she takes it because she knows it's just a word. She doesn't like it, but she's a bigger person and knows that the word "spinster" is part of her history (UK), like it or not. And still, I laugh.

May this type of love never find me...

Yes she is still married. But it is not a happy home. 😢

It’s “couldn’t care less” btw. You’re clearly ok with using terms that make other people’s teeth itch, so you do you. Also, why did you put feminist in inverted commas? We are all laughing at your mansplaining word salad telling us how we should feel about words attributed to woman. You are being obtuse…oh and stupid and unintelligent too, if the shoe fits. It’s pretty clear what country you come from, so nothing in your comment surprises me 🙄

Blimey. This might be the most condescendingly hectoring post I've seen on here, and that's really saying something. The last paragraph is particularly unpleasant (as well as absurd).

The idea that recognising words have power is 'following the crowd' is ridiculous. I take it you're unmoved by poetry, for instance, since you seem to be saying words are just a collection of sounds with neutral meanings attached?

No. Language is constructed by human beings to convey what human beings mean. As such, words that become freighted with negative connotations tend to become negative themselves.

I also don't know why people keep insisting that this word isn't insulting when dictionaries note this aspect of it. I'd expect the people who compile dictionaries to know a thing or two about language and how it works. Sadly for those posters who are relishing putting the op in her place, society at large doesn't use this term to refer to never-married women in the 21st century. It won't be making a comeback any time soon. So, no, nobody is obliged to 'own it', no matter how furious you get.

Do you ‘own’ being a complete moron?

Oh do I laugh when the subject arises at family gatherings or anniversaries. I laugh right next to her frowns and glaring eyes. I never bring it up myself, because that's dickish. But when it happens, she takes it because she knows it's just a word. She doesn't like it, but she's a bigger person and knows that the word "spinster" is part of her history (UK), like it or not. And still, I laugh. So should you. Own it.

You often talk about the word 'spinister' at family gatherings and on anniversaries?

Mansplaining? Oh sweetheart....

I appreciate that you want to correct my English, and for that, thank you. But detracting from the conversation by attempting to place a spotlight on my ignorance is, by itself, sad.

And as for the inverted commas, the definition of feminism is as far as it can possibly be from the practice of modern feminism. The 4th wave has obliterated any opportunity for women to gain any foothold into the equality they so desperately believe doesn't exist. My quotes (or inverted commas for the obviously non-wherever I'm from people) are appropriate.

As for the subject of this thread, do you have a point, or is your mission to man-bash and gaslight while avoiding the subject entirely?

Read again.

Dictionaries are updated continuously to reflect modern think. They are not an absolute of critical thought. Definitions are not static, as the word spinster attests.

No, sorry, still not clear.

What subject is arising?

Of course not! That would be selfish. It's open source. What's your point? Any opinion about the OP's post?

I'm not your Scooby Doo. You need to sort out this mystery of whether I bring this subject up all by yourself.

I think if over 40 its thorned dowager anyway. Spinster is for 20 somethings. I would have corrected her and laughed in her face quite frankly

Nothing wrong with being a spinster! You should have laughed and said spinster and proud!

I worked with lots of eastern Europeans and found many young women to be extremely conservative - on a par with my mother's generation.