I was called a Spinster at work today, I was really offended.

[Seahorses12]

I do one day a week volunteer work, and today a woman I work with who I don't know very well asked me if I was married or had children. I replied that I wasn't and didn't have kids and she said disparagingly 'Oh, so your a Spinster. I have an aunt who's a Spinster.' It's such a horrible, judgemental term with negative connotations. No one has ever used it to my face before. I have a reasonably successful career behind me and I like my independance. I've had long term relationships with men but I'm currently single and have a lot of single friends. I feel belittled by this comment. AIBU?

Just checked and its neither single or spinster it's 'never married' for both my husband and myself. we married in 06 but looking at this it says it is issued in pursuance of the civil registration act 2004 . Maybe it changed then

That’s a horrible term I’d be offended as well!!

I would have said ‘Spinster? How very 20th century!’ Then I’d laugh.

Having a partner is not. Being married is. That is, in fact, the point.

I doubt someone would be getting called a spinster if they had a long term live in partner. Or even a succession of casual boyfriends?

I’d have laughed and advised her to step away from the period dramas… What a ridiculously old fashioned word to use, to describe a single, independent woman in 2026!

This woman has no social skills. Could she be ND?

I was expecting to think you needed a sense of humour, but actually it sounds as if she was being intentionally rude. YANBU. Ignore and back away, perhaps calling her an old bag.

That is much clearer, particularly as a couple may have been living together for years and have children before getting married.

Old fashioned term to describe an unmarried single woman. I didn’t anyone used it any more. 🤷‍♀️

No actually when you fill in official documentation “Single” is contrasted with “Widowed” and “Divorced”.
It’s used completely separately.

No official forms ever use “Spinster”.

Spinster is not a type of single as it specifically means unmarried no children. If as you say her language just has one word that covers “single” then why would she not just use “single” in English?

She did know better - come on now.

Why mention her aunt? Do you honestly think if OP was married she would have said “oh you’re married - I have an aunt who’s married”

Serious question?

Nobody uses spinster in a neutral fashion. Ever. And if she only had one word in her language for “single” it is not possible she would reach for the less common English word.

Exactly this. I don’t see why so many people are skipping over that in the weird rush to defend.

Any unmarried woman is a spinster. I am a spinster even though I have been living with my partner for years. It's an accurate term, but has been changed socially (like "bastard", for a child of unmarried parents) which might make you feel different about it.

Own the phrase - spinster were to be feared, for they were unmarried ladies who span for a living ... thereby having moved and independence. Darn right I'm a spinster...

My late 30s single friends and I are reclaiming spinster. See also: cat lady. I quite like 'confirmed spinster'.

Fwiw my Bulgarian friend who has lived in the UK for about 20 years knows not to use this word for older women she barely knows.

I find it hard to accept some of the opinions today saying I should just accept the Spinster label and not let it bother me. Obviously anyone who likes the word is free to use it for themselves. I do not identify with it, in my opinion it's a horrible, sexist, old fashioned term used to describe someone who is undesirable and not expected to ever have a relationship. It's a cruel and derogative word in my opinion, creating a sense of being outcast. I do not see myself as a Spinster, I have not forgone sexual relationships and I have not marked myself as permanently on the shelf.

I think there is a big difference between liking the word and just not being offended by it.

You are being far to sensitive. It’s just a word to describe someone who is unmarried. It’s your choice weather to take it as an insult or not. If she’d called you a cunt, I could see that some people might find that offence. It’s like all words it's the manor that they are said in.

Next time you see her say your broomstick is charging up at home & your eye of newt casserole is nicely ready in your cauldron.

Great idea! 😂

I've not seen the word spinster used for so long that I read it as sphincter.

Need to get new reading glasses

Or 90?

I was 23 when I got married. I'm recorded as a spinster on my marriage certificate. I would just take as being unmarried, same as a bachelor. Now if she said old maid. Thats something different in my opinion

I've had that for decades. Makes you feel so small too. It's none her business.