I was called a Spinster at work today, I was really offended.

[Seahorses12]

I do one day a week volunteer work, and today a woman I work with who I don't know very well asked me if I was married or had children. I replied that I wasn't and didn't have kids and she said disparagingly 'Oh, so your a Spinster. I have an aunt who's a Spinster.' It's such a horrible, judgemental term with negative connotations. No one has ever used it to my face before. I have a reasonably successful career behind me and I like my independance. I've had long term relationships with men but I'm currently single and have a lot of single friends. I feel belittled by this comment. AIBU?

A lot of people who volunteer are struggling with mental health problems, recovery issues, etc, so often have no filter or a rather unusual presentation. She sounds like someone who doesn't have a filter.

Try and laugh it off.

Yes, it's possible she doesn't realise the negative connotation. I tried to explain to her that in London ( where I live) it's no big deal to be single. She was raised in Bulgaria but lived in the UK for 20 years and speaks perfect English. So I suppose it could be a cultural thing.

My stupid thought is to reply "OK Boomer"
I'm not surprised you wee taken aback but I hope you don't let her take up space in your head for too long.

I am 34, single as a pringle and childless. My family has silently labelled me the House Spinster since last year lmao. I count my blessings that I didn't end up pregnant by some fool like so many young women in society, or in a terrible marriage and then divorced having to start over in my 30s, etc.

I am praying for a husband and a family but I also appreciate that it didn't happen with the wrong person for me! All the best to you!

I guess a lot of it depends on their tone when they've said it- I could see it possibly being a bit teasing or genuinely clueless. It is kind of rude. Mind you if someone said 'oh you're a bastard' on learning my parents were never married I would be surprised but not really hurt, just think they are a bit clueless.

You should’ve laughed in her face and said “Spinster? Give it a rest grandma”.

Its the kind of comment I’d expect from some clueless pensioner, not someone in their 40s.

Well according to all the posts I see on social media these days, from young women who absolutely don't want a boyfriend, it sounds like you are manifesting #relationship goals. 😁

I would tell her that she is an arse-hole.

Id have been irritated. But knowing that a spinster was a woman with independent money, through spinning, separate to a man at a time when that was rare would have stopped me from punching her.

I think I'm offended by being pidgeon holed by a horrible word that has connotations of failure and negativity. That despite everything women have achieved in feminism that in the end it all boils down to whether or not you're married to man and produced some kids in society's eyes. I'm sensitive as I said. But some of your comments have made me laugh. If it happens again I'll be more prepared with a witty comeback!

Its not something I would say to someone but do you think bachelor sounds as negative as spinster? It is the official word I suppose x

Presumably this is someone who has LPs at home played on a gramaphone, listens to the wireless, and refers to the lavatory instead of toilet or loo.

YANBU to find it outdated or worse.

Were the commentators from the 18th Century? I'd just laugh it off, and maybe indicate that I couldn't decide whether I preferred men or women.

I haven’t heard the word used in 30 years, I’m mid 40. Don’t give it too much attention or excuse it as culture. She is just rude, someone who has little experience or respect, now you know how she is, buckle up for some sharp responses to her in the future.

Best to just ignore idiots Op - don’t give her anymore headspace than you already have.

Really rude.
What a cow.
Her card would be totally marked and frosty would be my manner going forward.

If she's Bulgarian and English is her second language, albeit well mastered, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt on the basis she has read it and used it as vocabulary without understanding context.

If she's like my bitter MIL, 89, she'd know full well the context but innocently used the word to wound. Because she's a cow.

Historically Spinsters didn’t need to marry because they were financially independent, if I remember correctly. It was an enviable state.

I’m 54 and until I just googled it I thought it just meant an unmarried woman the same way bachelor is an unmarried man. Maybe she’s uneducated like me?

Very judgy, rude person. I’d call her out if she does something like that again. (I wouldn’t have thought of something clever to say at the time either, I’d have been too taken aback).

From the Cambridge Dictionary

spinster
noun [ C ]
dated
US

/ˈspɪn·stər/
Add to word list
a woman who is not married, esp. a woman who is no longer young and seems unlikely ever to marry
Note:
This word is likely to be offensive except if it is used about people in the past.

Embrace it!

I've had a very wild and reckless past and happily call myself a spinster now. I snigger to myself when smug marrieds with 2.4 children assume I'm a shrivelled up crone. 25 years ago they'd have been scandalised at what I was getting up to.

Don't give the boring conventionals head room.

No-one would call someone a spinster with out doing it to offend them. What a bitch.

a woman who is not married, esp. a woman who is no longer young and seems unlikely ever to marry

This strikes me as aspirational. To be older, not be married and have no fucking intention of ever getting married. Bring it on!

It's just a word, outdated though. As far as I know the Church if England still use it when reading wedding banns - ' Mary Jane, spinster off the parish. They certainly did for me but that was 20 years ago. It made me laugh at the time as I was only in my twenties but it is factual correct.