Yes, the word 'spinster' is horribly outdated now, and YANBU to be annoyed and offended by it.
Apologies for AI copy and paste, but this sums it up.
With marriage and family as the 'ideal' according to society, and 'spinsters' outside of this, the term spinster took on a derogatory and misogynistic meaning. The term spinster was still used to describe an unmarried woman on UK marriage certificates until 2005, when it was replaced with 'single' for both women and men.
So yes, it isn't acceptable to call women 'spinster' anymore. The word has been discarded - 20 years ago! - for a reason.
As I said, when I got married in the early 1990s (almost 35 years ago,) I was recorded as a spinster. I actually laughed, as it seemed so outdated. And this was 35 years ago. It's wild that anyone uses it in 2026! 😬
Like many other posters, I think it's so weird that a woman of only 40 used this word. If she had been 85 or 90 something, it would have been more understandable. My relatives who are 80+ use words like 'baby born out of wedlock' (for a baby born to an unmarried mother,) and 'gladrags' for clothes, and 'wireless' for radio, and then there's 'are you courting?' that they like to ask of young women. Then 'going to the pictures' (instead of cinema...) And yes, they sometimes use the word 'spinster.' These are women born early 1940s or earlier.
A woman born in 1985 (and being a teenager in the early 2000s) using the word spinster is really odd IMO.
I am guessing though @Seahorses12 that this woman didn't mean to be nasty, it's more likely she was just thoughtless and clumsy. If she does use the word again though, do tell her it's not a word you want using to describe you and it's got such negative connotations, and was discarded over 2 decades ago. You have every right to feel insulted and offended by it. Just because a few others would NOT be offended, that doesn't mean you're not allowed to be.
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