I was called a Spinster at work today, I was really offended.

[Seahorses12]

I do one day a week volunteer work, and today a woman I work with who I don't know very well asked me if I was married or had children. I replied that I wasn't and didn't have kids and she said disparagingly 'Oh, so your a Spinster. I have an aunt who's a Spinster.' It's such a horrible, judgemental term with negative connotations. No one has ever used it to my face before. I have a reasonably successful career behind me and I like my independance. I've had long term relationships with men but I'm currently single and have a lot of single friends. I feel belittled by this comment. AIBU?

It's rude and sort of odd/old fashioned but I wouldn't feel belittled by it. Such a silly comment could never belittle me. Don't let it affect you either.

Sorry to ask, but just in case it is helpful in building a picture how old are you and how old approx is the person that said this?

What odd thing to say to somebody, you have every right to be offended.

Shes obviously a horrid women

It does sound quite judgemental and I always wonder why people feel the need to label others and comment on their situation. I don't know whether she meant it negatively but try and ignore her, she's sounds rude and dismissive. And it's none of her business!

id say she’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic to think that’s a normal comment to make

Lol I would have burst out laughing and owned being a spinster! Not many of us around these days 😂

On a side note, people need to stop getting so butthurt about mere words. Not everything said or done to you needs to be taken offensively.

I probably would have laughed. Is she from the 1800s?

What, had she teleported from the mid-19thc? I think I’d have howled laughing and asked if she didn’t get out much.

It is definitely rude. Is there a possibility that they don't realise the negative connotation (it was used as a legal term once upon a time for unmarried woman). That's why I ask their age in case they are so young they may be oblivious, or so old they think it's an actual correct term. Did they say it in a way that they thought it was insulting?

I would have laughed and said something like "blimey not heard that word in decade".
People sometimes just say stupid things.

Is she from 1870?

I'd presume either an older person or maybe someone without great social skills - I wouldn't think too much of it, I don't think anyone thinks or talks about 'spinsters' today on the whole. I'm 48 and I never make the assumption that anyone is married or has kids, regardless of age and I wouldn't label anyone who doesn't.

Well she managed to 'nab' a man & you didn't so she's obviously superior to you? (sarcasm). It says so much more about her.

How old is the person who used this term??!! It's a very old fashioned term to use. I'm sure 100 years ago, it was an acceptable word to use but not in 2025! It's seen as a derogatory term. I can understand why you're upset, as it conjures up a stereotypical image of an 'old unmarried woman'.

I'd try not to take the comment to heart but if she uses the term again, you should tell her that the word might have been used decades ago but now it's deemed derogatory.

This would have been my response - a huge laugh and asking “sorry, are you dialling in from 1902?”

I would have laughed! It's no different from calling a man a bachelor – both very old fashioned words that have no relevance today.

Why is it a rude word? It sums up someone’s situation. Like the word widow or widower.

Me to I would laughed my head off! 😂

I call myself an old spinster/old maid fairly frequently though, I don’t see it as an insult!

Better than an old maid!!

I agree it's not a nice term and I also would presume it has negative connotations but when I think about it I don't know why exactly. It's factually correct. I think its because it was used to refer to a woman who couldn't find a husband and became a negative word, but if used in a modern context of a single woman it shouldn't be offensive. I'm surprised to hear it these days.

She was probably a time traveller. This is why you shouldn’t be easily offended op; you missed an opportunity to find out where she keeps her Time Machine and how it works.

If you are over 26 you could have corrected her with “thornback” which is much cooler…

The woman was in her 40's, and I supposed I just felt judged, I did say to her that I didn't like the word Spinster, for me it conjures up a poor elderly woman spinning a wheel in a medieval home! Whereas Bachelor conjures up a free wheeling happy lifestyle. I should have laughed but I was just thrown by it. I am quite sensitive.

This woman is rude and frankly ridiculous.

Haven't heard that one before!

YANBU, it's awful.

It isn't a neutral label, just like 'bastard' isn't a neutral label for someone born to unmarried parents. The latter is a stronger term, but you could run exactly the same argument. I mean, if someone's parents are unmarried they do literally fall into its definition. Thankfully, nobody would apply it to a child now.

I'm not sure why you even need a special label for someone that is unmarried other than... unmarried. If something simply isn't a feature of your life, I'm not sure why you would need to be defined in relation to that thing?