I was called a Spinster at work today, I was really offended.

[Seahorses12]

I do one day a week volunteer work, and today a woman I work with who I don't know very well asked me if I was married or had children. I replied that I wasn't and didn't have kids and she said disparagingly 'Oh, so your a Spinster. I have an aunt who's a Spinster.' It's such a horrible, judgemental term with negative connotations. No one has ever used it to my face before. I have a reasonably successful career behind me and I like my independance. I've had long term relationships with men but I'm currently single and have a lot of single friends. I feel belittled by this comment. AIBU?

I wish I had remained a spinster. It would have cut out a large amount of aggravation 😆

The legal term was changed from spinster to single in 2005, so not that long ago

It was totally unnecessary for her to use the word, even if she didn’t properly understand it

I’ d be tempted to just put my hand on her arm and tell her I’d pray for her but yes OP I’d be really annoyed by it

Really....?
I'm sure I could not be offended by such a minor thing.
It's an old fashioned term that's all.

Yes I was thinking the same. All the words that describe marital status are still in use so why not spinster as it describes exactly what you are more succinctly than never- married- childless- woman.

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. She's learnt the word somewhere, not realising the negativity surrounding it.

Its bazaar it effectively has the same meaning as Bachelor, but it has a different vibe, the world's most eligible Bachelor, Bachelor pad, elderly Bachelor, are fairly positive vibes.

Spinster always seems to be negative.

Oh , and I got married in 1989 and was described as a spinster on my marriage certificate.

When English is your second language and you were raised in a different culture, no matter how perfectly you speak it, you can find that people get offended by uses of the language that you can find perfectly fine.

When I was a child and we were talking in our mothertongue (a gendered language) we used to talk about babies in the womb in English because that way we could refer to them as 'it', or 'the baby' without having to put a gender on them (this was in the days before scans were routine). I was amazed when a friend told me his wife had been very offended when I referred to their baby as 'it'.

Society is heading backwards tbh, stuff like this is coming back in full force

sorry op, you aren’t a spinster and she is a bellend - I bet she’s one of those ‘happily married’ women who post on aibu complaining about their husbands and bashing other women

Was she in her 90's???

🤦🏻‍♀️

I have Indian relatives who still use words like loafer, churl, scoundrel, ruffian and, my personal favourite, expired 😁 (for a person who has died). They just haven’t clocked that those terms are no longer in vogue. Or they’ve been told, but still use them out of habit. Maybe your colleague is the same.

Why on earth would you feel offended and belittled by being called a spinster? If you’re not married, that’s what you are. My marriage certificate refers to my husband as a batchelor and me as a spinster because I was a spinster at the time of my wedding.

A very unkind comment ... you should have asked her what the relevance was to your voluntary work.

Oh, if she’s not a native speaker, I wouldn’t be at all offended.

My friend's husband (in his forties) called me this in 2016. He was dead serious as well 😂

My friend was pregnant at the time and he had just asked ne if i was "jealous" of my friend "being pregnant and all." I replied that I am not jealous though it is lovely to see my friend so happy.

Reader, he did not like it 😂

If’s outrageous. Can you say something?

Cheeky cow! 🤣 I’d have pulled her up on it. I haven’t heard that word used seriously for many years!

Because spinster is considered to be derogatory. It means unmarried, well past marrying age and unlikely to ever be married.

It sounds like she translated the word from her language literally without being aware of the connotations. Her comparing you to her aunt also implies that she doesn’t see it as a bad thing, may be, just a marital status…
I think it helps you to give her your most generation interpretation (you laugh rather than get upset), but do correct her next time.

It was used to denote a woman who supported herself by spinning - no shame in that! We should re-adopt the term and hold our heads up high.

They stopped using spinster on marriage certificates 20 years ago. The word used in this century is single. The OP is single, she is not a spinster. Unless you’re deliberately trying to belittle her of course.

Do you know that the history of the word is that it describes women who were so good at spinning and needlework that they made a great living and didn’t NEED to marry a man so most chose not to!

Oh my days, that is such an old fashioned term, that I would have found it hard to not laugh! 😂

YANBU to be offended by it @Seahorses12 but don't let it get you down. Maybe say something next time - if there is a next time - like 'Oh My GOD, I have time travelled back into the middle ages!' And then laugh!

On mine and DH's marriage certificate, it has him as 'bachelor' and me as 'spinster!' His status sounds so romantic and dreamy, and mine makes me sounds like Mavis from Coronation Street! It was the early 1990s we got married, not fecking Victorian times! I remember laughing at how stupid and outdated the term 'spinster' was when we got married almost 35 years ago. For a young/young-ish woman to hear it in 2026 must be almost farcical.

Try not to take it to heart...

I am shocked she was only in her 40s!

She speaks perfect English with an English accent, comes across as a native UK person, so it's more that she has an old fashioned idea about womens' positions in society relating to men.

Horror story like something out of Bridget jones dinner party