I was called a Spinster at work today, I was really offended.

[Seahorses12]

I do one day a week volunteer work, and today a woman I work with who I don't know very well asked me if I was married or had children. I replied that I wasn't and didn't have kids and she said disparagingly 'Oh, so your a Spinster. I have an aunt who's a Spinster.' It's such a horrible, judgemental term with negative connotations. No one has ever used it to my face before. I have a reasonably successful career behind me and I like my independance. I've had long term relationships with men but I'm currently single and have a lot of single friends. I feel belittled by this comment. AIBU?

“Goodness, are we in Cranford?”

She is obviously fixated on marriage etc. The comment about her aunt was odd. I mean, in response to hearing about a common status , who says “I have an aunt who is divorced / married / single / widowed” as if it is rare.

What a weird person. I would have asked her if she time travelled here from the 1800s

I wrote my comment before reading yours and said the same thing!

The people trying to put this down to her being foreign and only being in the UK for 20 years are simply making excuses for her being rude (and are being wilfully obtuse). Clearly she was being rude, deliberately so especially with the reference to her “aunt being a spinster. If OP was married with kids do you really think Mz Rude would have responded “oh you’re married? I have an aunt who is married”.

Come on now.

Why not just single?

Patriarchy innit.

I feel I must use ruffian in a sentence this week. It’s due a comeback.

I use n’er-do-well every chance I get … along with bamboozled in an unironic way

I always thought of myself as a spinster until I got married at 28, it's the correct legal term, and I personally never thought it offensive, especially as it
actually does not directly refer to a woman's sexual behaviour, only to the fact that sitting at the spinning wheel would probably become her main occupation. However, I've never used the word to describe a woman to her face, I wouldn't comment on anybody's marital status.

It probably doesn't have such negative connotations in Bulgaria. She probably just didn't realise.

Tbf it's not the "correct legal term" any more (as of 2005) however it might have been when you were 28.

Eta - assuming you're in the UK

I quite like spinster. I have a great t-shirt which says ALL GOOD IN THE SPINSTERHOOD. I do actually spin yarn, so probably that helps me feel more positive about it.

It’s really not. Barren is a judgment on your fertility, which is an incredibly sensitive and difficult subject, whatever language you use. Spinster is a comment on marital status, which is a matter of public fact.

It reminds me of a woman who should be relaxing and being retired with her loving husband and family around her, sitting around a warm fire.

But instead she's up in the attic alone doing mindless repetitive toil that is breaking her body and her soul.

Because she's not worthy of enjoyment, and must earn her keep until death as she has no man to support her.

Well it reminds me of Spinderella from Salt n Pepa so I guess we're all different eh

But that is 20 years ago and waaay before smart phones really took off which has progressed so much faster than us.

I also would have laughed at spinster even in 2005. I cannot imagine anyone of that age c25 ok my peer group using this....but I studied English Literature and Language. Spinster has not been in usage for a very long time before the law caught up.

I always thought of a spinster as a virginal pensioner who has never had a boyfriend despite trying

I think I’d just respond with either ‘blimey we are not in the dark ages’ or ‘gosh I’ve never heard that word used in polite conversation!’. Id definitely be offended.

It is the official title though just as bachelor is for an older married man. It is a terrible word though. I always get an image of an old crone at a spinning wheel for some reason. Do notice that some young women refer to them selves as Bachelorette but not sure that is any better. Like an inferior bachelor.
Someone needs to make up a new word.
I have just become a widow. That's not much better really, since they named a spider that.

I would think old-fashioned and a bit rude maybe but no idea why I would be offended

Love your attitude.

It's not "the official title" (any more)
If someone said someone was a bachelor to me I would just as likely think they were referring to their degree in a slightly odd way as saying they were unmarried in an arcane way.
I guess that the "official title" insofar as there is one, is "unmarried" or "single"... i think?

PS I'm sorry for your loss.

Is your colleague a Victorian?!

She sounds rather silly.

Perhaps she regrets getting married / having children and likes to put down people who haven’t done so.

The official word for unmarried people is unmarried or single.

I am sorry for you loss, I hope are well.? Well spiders do have some skills (see spider man / verse / what it says on the tin).

If you could choose a new word to make up for both what would it be? I'm interested if we can?

Bachelor is absolutely not common at all in this context or even in modern day conversational UK language for an unmarried man.

However, even so, a bachelor has an indication of something to be sought after, redeem yourself to and yes I do worry about "bachelorette".

I mean this genuinely.