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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be fed up with older relatives’ sexist views and not know how to deal with them?

175 replies

HazelMember · 25/01/2026 12:47

I’ve got a few older relatives who regularly come out with very old fashioned, sexist opinions and I’m finding it increasingly hard to deal with.

One will complain that women do not teach their children how to cook anymore, as if feeding children and basic life skills are solely women’s responsibility. Another genuinely believes women cannot do the same jobs as men and that male electricians, painters and decorators are automatically better than women doing the same work. Someone else thinks wives should cook for their husbands even when both partners work full time.

There is also a female relative who has said that it was acceptable for a husband in the family to hit his wife because she refused to look after his mother. That comment has stayed with me and honestly shocked me.

I do challenge these views when they come up. I point out that men also parent, that women do these jobs perfectly well, and that working women do not owe anyone domestic labour or care work. But when I speak up I tend to get shouted down, talked over, or told I am too sensitive or looking for an argument, while the sexist comments themselves are treated as perfectly reasonable.

s. Should I keep challenging it even when I am dismissed, start setting firmer boundaries such as refusing to engage when it comes up or just disengage and change the subject to preserve my sanity?

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 25/01/2026 12:51

HazelMember · 25/01/2026 12:47

I’ve got a few older relatives who regularly come out with very old fashioned, sexist opinions and I’m finding it increasingly hard to deal with.

One will complain that women do not teach their children how to cook anymore, as if feeding children and basic life skills are solely women’s responsibility. Another genuinely believes women cannot do the same jobs as men and that male electricians, painters and decorators are automatically better than women doing the same work. Someone else thinks wives should cook for their husbands even when both partners work full time.

There is also a female relative who has said that it was acceptable for a husband in the family to hit his wife because she refused to look after his mother. That comment has stayed with me and honestly shocked me.

I do challenge these views when they come up. I point out that men also parent, that women do these jobs perfectly well, and that working women do not owe anyone domestic labour or care work. But when I speak up I tend to get shouted down, talked over, or told I am too sensitive or looking for an argument, while the sexist comments themselves are treated as perfectly reasonable.

s. Should I keep challenging it even when I am dismissed, start setting firmer boundaries such as refusing to engage when it comes up or just disengage and change the subject to preserve my sanity?

With relatives, young or old, it’s best to keep to neutral chats. There will always be an age divide. Who has these in depth conversations with relatives? 🤷‍♀️

Cherrysoup · 25/01/2026 12:52

I’d challenge absolutely everything every single time. I’m sick of the sexist tropes. Looking after elderly relatives being the province of the dil is so stereotypical!

FullLondonEye · 25/01/2026 12:59

These days I won't let that kind of shit pass. I have daughters and I don't want them growing up absorbing the idea that any of that is normal or right. However I don't tend to lose my temper about it. I prefer to roll my eyes, then smile politely and point out that it's 2026 and how fortunate we are that times have changed so that opinion is no longer relevant, all in the most patronising tone I can muster. Basically treat them like the village idiot. I do it in a very polite, almost cosseting tone of voice. Do they take it in and agree? Absolutely not but I can't be accused of being difficult or causing trouble either. If I thought it would change anyone's mind I would be happy to be more aggressive about it but they're too old and won't change now. I prefer to treat them as the smallest, most irrelevant person ever. They tend to get the message.

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 25/01/2026 13:02

It drives me mad too. My grandmother when she was alive was totally against divorce. I asked her once, would divorce not be ok if her husband was beating her black and blue. She answered that if that happens, well then she should sit and think about what she did to make him mad and try not to do it again. I had no words...

Flicktick · 25/01/2026 13:03

Ageism. How old are these people and why do you think their views are because of their age?
Plenty of sexism among young men in particular, it seldom starts in old age.

WhateverMate · 25/01/2026 13:06

You've got to remember that as stupid and shit as their views are, they're entitled to them.

And you're entitled to either challenge them, ignore them or do a bit of both depending on your mood at the time.

But this is life isn't it?

You will have come across people whose views you find abhorrent before and you will again.

You also have the option of spending little or no time with them.

Chickadiddy · 25/01/2026 13:07

That shit about hitting your wife because she doesn't care for your mother needs addressing .

Something going on in that household.

Feelfreee · 25/01/2026 13:07

How old are these relatives? My grandparents are in their 70s and 80s and don’t think there are men and women’s roles and don’t think domestic abuse is a good thing. Are your relatives over 100?

WhateverMate · 25/01/2026 13:08

Well Andrew Tate isn't very old and nor are the majority of his followers, so I'm not sure why age is even being brought into this.

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 25/01/2026 13:09

Ya, as Flicktick said, it probably is a generational thing. Things do and will change over time. In a way, it hi lights how much progress has been made up to now. That said, it's no harm at all hi lighting your stance on the issue and why!! It could make them think 🤞

ViciousCurrentBun · 25/01/2026 13:14

My MIL suffers from internalised misogyny FIL misogyny was flag waving levels. I pointed things out, my favourite was him wondering why there were so many young women in suits these days in Canary Wharf, he had worked in finance in London and I replied because they can be accountants and lawyers like men these days, one of the reasons he never took to me. He would be 90 now and MIL is 84. My Mother and Father would be 100 this year and were never ever like that at all.

ViciousCurrentBun · 25/01/2026 13:15

@WhateverMate excellent post plus your user name suits the post too well.

ScaryM0nster · 25/01/2026 13:16

I wouldn’t see it as your job to educate them.

You can note that youve got different views and move on.

Or continue the conversation about how important it is children learn to cook and budget and use the generic ‘parents’ term.

mbosnz · 25/01/2026 13:18

I refuse to engage, and find a pressing need to be elsewhere. Mainly because the ones that tend to think this idiocy and feel the need to wave it in my face, are doing it to pick a fight, want attention, and this means they don't get what they want. Extra points for patronising smirk while making it clear what I'm doing.

Myfridgeiscool · 25/01/2026 13:22

I usually give an example that sounds neutral, because it’s not directly linked to them, but makes them realise that they’re being a dick.

Hoppinggreen · 25/01/2026 13:23

I would take the piss as I would if they said anything else ridiculous.
When FIL came out with any of this nonsense me and DH laughed at him and said things like "they will give us the vote next, better nip that in the bud" then walk off with an eye roll
Its like claiming the earth is flat, doesn't desrve to be argued with in any logical way because its so batshit

AnSolas · 25/01/2026 13:25

Just smile and remind them in their day the women worked at home bringing the washing down to the local stream because of no running water and milled wheat before they baked the bread while the husbands worked in the fields watching the cows and sheep and fending off wolf attacks.😉

And when they say they are not that old reply that things have moved on.

Keep saying it often enough and they will find another topic to talk about.💅

BillieWiper · 25/01/2026 13:26

I'd just keep saying, every single time 'what a load of misogynistic nonsense. You sound absolutely ridiculous. This is the 21st century not 1754. I almost feel sorry for you for being so ignorant.' if necessary accompanied by a mocking/pitying laugh.

HazelMember · 25/01/2026 13:28

Boomer55 · 25/01/2026 12:51

With relatives, young or old, it’s best to keep to neutral chats. There will always be an age divide. Who has these in depth conversations with relatives? 🤷‍♀️

I am not having in depth conversations with these relatives. They will come out with the sexist statements in conversations where such issues are not even being discussed.

OP posts:
HazelMember · 25/01/2026 13:29

Flicktick · 25/01/2026 13:03

Ageism. How old are these people and why do you think their views are because of their age?
Plenty of sexism among young men in particular, it seldom starts in old age.

60s onwards. I do not hear these kinds of statements made by younger people. I do hear a different kind of sexism from younger people.

OP posts:
AgnesMcDoo · 25/01/2026 13:31

They are sexist misogynists and you should call out this behaviour or refuse to engage.

however ageism is just as bad.

JLou08 · 25/01/2026 13:32

I'd keep challenging it. Well I'd be hugely reducing contact, possibly stopping it all together dependant on the relationship. I wouldn't want people like that in the lives of me and my DC, especially the one who justified domestic violence.

AgnesMcDoo · 25/01/2026 13:33

HazelMember · 25/01/2026 13:29

60s onwards. I do not hear these kinds of statements made by younger people. I do hear a different kind of sexism from younger people.

Ageism is just as unpleasant and harmful as sexism.

maybe bigotry runs in the family

Knitterofcrap · 25/01/2026 13:33

To be honest I would spend far less time with them.

Flicktick · 25/01/2026 13:36

HazelMember · 25/01/2026 13:29

60s onwards. I do not hear these kinds of statements made by younger people. I do hear a different kind of sexism from younger people.

Those views sound exactly like the sort of stuff the likes of Andrew Tate would spout.

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