Comparing a dog to a child

[notdoingit11]

I have a colleague that lost her partner 2 year ago. This left her with no other family but her dog. The company we work for were very understanding at the time, she had 3 month off on full pay (just putting this in for context). When she came back to work she was struggling with looking after her dog so asked if she could cut her working hours down and was allowed to drop a day.
She often came in late and stinking of booze (it’s a customer facing role which involves the sale of vehicles), she was pulled into the office and spoken to. Because of this she is now saying the company have treat her awfully and have no compassion or understanding that she is still grieving and thinks she should be allowed to come in late if her dog needs a longer walk to do a poop!
A few colleagues have young children and occasionally take an hour or so during the working day to take them to appointments. The one with the dog thinks she should be given the same if her dog is not very well!
AIBU to think you can’t compare a dog to a child! Yes, I get to her it’s her baby and that’s fine but at the end of the day it is an animal and not a child to everyone else and we shouldn’t be expected to treat it like her child!
One colleague nips out for half an hour once a week to pick his special needs daughter up and drop her off at his parents house, his parents don’t drive, it’s the only day of the week his partner can’t pick her up due to her work commitments and management have agreed to him doing this. And this is what the dog woman is bitching about, she thinks she should be entitled to the same because her dog is all she’s got!
Im the one she comes bitching to and usually let it go over my head but her sense of entitlement is really starting to get on my nerves

She shpuld not be coming in late smelling of alcohol.

In my team and company we respect that everyone's lives can look different and not everyone is fortunate enough to have children. So if someone's dog needs picking up from sitters/daycare and someone's child needs picking up from school, it's treated equally. No one takes the mickey with their kid and no one takes the mickey with their dog.

Hope that helps.

Regardless if dont think most companies woukd tolerate an employee frequently turning up late and stinking of booze.

Companies should offer flexibility to an individual's needs. It makes no difference me if a colleague is taking an hour's flexi time to drop kids and childcare or take their dog to the vet. I've used flexi to do both of these things.

Why do you care?

I think it needs to be a blanket rule for all. I can see the resentment from childless employees if they are not given any flexibility yet colleagues with kids get to disappear for kid related things.

I think a dog or child being ill is comparable. If you're the only one that can take your dog to the vet, that's the same as needing time to take your kid to the doctors.

Personally I think you shouldn't get time off for walking the dog or childcare issues - they should be taken as unpaid leave or out of normal holiday allowances.

The booze is a separate issue.

The rest of it is up to her managers to decide and not up to you to judge.

And for the love of god, the child is a child with special or additional needs not a ‘special needs child’.

@Stompythedinosaur I care because I’m sick and tired of hearing about how unfair she thinks she’s treated! It was her and her partners choice to not have children because they thought “itd be too tying” But surely a pet is tying too?

It sounds like she’s struggling with the loss of her partner, does she have support for her alcohol use? In terms of the dog, it’s dependent on her for care so if it needs to go to the vet such is life. I use flexibility at work for both kids and pets because no one else is around to do what’s needed and luckily my work understands this.

It can be hard to understand how tying a dog is until you have one and realise they need a huge amount of care. And it is unfair if people with children get endless accommodations and others need to fill in the gaps, or don’t get similar.

You really need to stay out of this. You have no idea what’s going on.

in terms of the collegue, next time she speaks to you to complain about her treatment say “I dont really want to keep talking about this” and leave it there. If she does complain to you that is.

it’s obvious to anyone that this isn’t about the dog

The dog isn’t really the issue here, is it? She’s not coping with the bereavement and is obviously unwell and struggling.

Yes, a pet is tying too. It needs to be cared for, have its basic needs met, have medical treatment etc and when the number of people caring for it goes from 2 to 1 that has an impact in the same way as it does for children. Strange how you seem to get it but still be angry about it. What’s the actual issue?

I don't really get the needing an allowance for a dog to take a shit, presumably most employees would say something if a parent's excuse for being late was their child wouldn't go to the toilet? I'd expect they'd be told to adjust their routine, so they allow enough time on a morning to deal with that and show up to work on time. Appointments are a bit different, I think if parents are allowed flexi time to take their child to a medical appointment, then the same should apply to someone taking a dog to the vets.

The alcohol thing is obviously not ok whether you're a parent or not.

Obviously coming in late smelling of alcohol is unacceptable.

Where I work we are allowed to flex our hours ad hoc if we need to. And that would be for us, for a child, for a dog. We can take a 2 hr lunch to get a massage if we want, as long as we aren’t cancelling meetings to do it.

If a company was stricter, then the law would require that they gave unpaid time off in emergency for dependants (eg if a child is sick). The law does not require them to allow this for a dog.

So just tell her you dont want to discuss how colleagues use their time and allowances at work. Then change the subject.

Yes you are right, pets (dogs especially) are huge tie and financial strain. I'm not sure why, but you sound annoyed that she chose to have a dog instead of a child. That shouldnt really annoy you....

Just end the conversations with your colleague and it will save you a lot of upset?

@LeafyMcLeafFacewhen you’re the one getting it every single working day for two year it’s difficult not to say something. I pointed out to her that flexibility for childcare is in our handbook but nothing for pets so those taking time for that aren’t being showed favouritism and don’t deserve to be bitched about for it.
As for ‘special needs child’ those were her words when she said her dog has needs too 🤷‍♀️

It’s far easier to get a vet appointment than one with a GP or specialist. They’re also open at the weekend and often shut later than the FP surgery. So although I think she should be able to take her dog to the vet in an emergency during work hours, she should be able to fit vet appointments in.

Edit - I meant to add. I do agree with you about the alcoholism and I do think the dog is symbolic of her lost relationship so the dog has taken on a far more significant role. It is understandable she’s hugely protective under those circumstances.

So tell her to take it up with her manager if it bothers you that much (rather than getting all judgy about her) and don’t repeat her terminology without thinking.

The dog is irrelevant. Your colleague is not doing well mentally and the issue is how far your company will go to accommodate the symptoms of this, and how much they will tolerate in terms of disruption.
If you feel your colleagues behaviour is impacting on your work, for example, you are picking up slack or her negativity is causing a poor atmosphere, then raise it with your line manager, focusing on the impact on you.
Making this a question of 'should dogs be treated as children' hugely misses the point. As I very much doubt the company would treat them as such. Any allowances made for her will be MH adjustments, nothing to do with dogs.

Christ you're cold or just totally lacking in emotional intelligence. This is clearly not about her dog but about grief. Surely you can see that?

On to her point, to some extent, she has one. Forget the child v dog argument. This is about whether the company does or doesn't allow people to work flexibly in accordance with their non-work commitments. Companies need a fixed policy that allows flexibility or doesn't allow flexibility. Picking and choosing what they're flexible about is asking for trouble as is clearly evidenced by this thread.

@LeafyMcLeafFace Exactly! The OP has stated that both children and dogs are a tie with needs.

But then is annoyed at her colleague for....also recognising this?

I suspect this is just another excuse for a dog bashing thread 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think the OP wants a chorus of voices saying "yes you are completely right, they are both a tie but one is stupid and the other is transcendent."

@MindYourUsage I’m not annoyed, just a bit pissed off with her bitching and moaning. She comes in late most mornings because she’s had to give her dog a longer walk and then bitches to me when someone takes time to take their child to an appointment or pick them up. Another colleague did pull her up on it because she was sick of the rest of us having to cover her work and her reply was “ I’ll be late when I want to, my dog comes before anything else” and then bitches when someone leaves early occasionally due to childcare/appointments.

It's not about the dog. She's struggling with grief and pinning her emotions on 'caring for the dog', but that really isn't what she's complaining to you about. Can you signpost her to some grief counselling services? I think if she can get sufficient support in her bereavement she will stop talking to you about the unfairness and the dog.

Also be aware that I often tell people I didn’t want kids. I’ll make jokes about me enjoying my life and holidays too much etc. The reality is a tried for years and spent over 50k on ivf that only resulted in a few miscarriages. It’s just no one’s business why I don’t have children and I don’t want all the sympathy and sad looks from everyone so I laugh and tell everyone I didn’t want them.

Look just take it up with her manager then and tell her you dont want to discuss it.

have you done either if those things?

@MindYourUsage a dog bashing thread 🤣 Give over! Read the thread, I’m not annoyed, just sick of her double standards! She can come in late, expect us to pick up the flack, say she couldn’t give a toss about that then bitch about people taking kids to appointments and expects others to put her dogs needs first 🤣