Comparing a dog to a child

[notdoingit11]

I have a colleague that lost her partner 2 year ago. This left her with no other family but her dog. The company we work for were very understanding at the time, she had 3 month off on full pay (just putting this in for context). When she came back to work she was struggling with looking after her dog so asked if she could cut her working hours down and was allowed to drop a day.
She often came in late and stinking of booze (it’s a customer facing role which involves the sale of vehicles), she was pulled into the office and spoken to. Because of this she is now saying the company have treat her awfully and have no compassion or understanding that she is still grieving and thinks she should be allowed to come in late if her dog needs a longer walk to do a poop!
A few colleagues have young children and occasionally take an hour or so during the working day to take them to appointments. The one with the dog thinks she should be given the same if her dog is not very well!
AIBU to think you can’t compare a dog to a child! Yes, I get to her it’s her baby and that’s fine but at the end of the day it is an animal and not a child to everyone else and we shouldn’t be expected to treat it like her child!
One colleague nips out for half an hour once a week to pick his special needs daughter up and drop her off at his parents house, his parents don’t drive, it’s the only day of the week his partner can’t pick her up due to her work commitments and management have agreed to him doing this. And this is what the dog woman is bitching about, she thinks she should be entitled to the same because her dog is all she’s got!
Im the one she comes bitching to and usually let it go over my head but her sense of entitlement is really starting to get on my nerves

Well she shouldn't be coming in work drunk. Everyone should be treated with the same flexibility whether or not they have children, so she should be given the same flexibility in an emergency to take the dog to the vets in the same way someone might need to fetch their sick child from school or wherever. For every day/routine situations, she needs to pay a dog walker/sitter, the same way for routine childcare people with kids pay for nursery, etc.

The exception made for the guy with the disabled child is fine IMHO as it isn't always possible to find a nursery/childminder who can meet a disabled child's needs (ask me how I know), and I think letting him take half an hour (presumably unpaid) to ferry his daughter from A to B is fine.

@ChurchWindows think whatever you want! I don’t care about your opinion of me. I know I’ve done all I can to help and will probably continue to do so even though I think she’s taking the piss now

So you've said again and again and again.

Speak to your manager again.
Create boundaries in your relationship with her.

So glad you’re not my colleague op. Have some sympathy for what she has been though, good god.

I think it can be unfair when people get time off for their kids but childless people don’t, but I think it’s only fair when there is an elderly relative or a pet emergency or something unavoidable. If it’s part of normal life (e.g. a dog walk) then that’s not the same as collecting a child (or an actual emergency for a dog). If she knows dog takes a long time to poop she could walk it earlier or pay for a dog walker for an hour which you obviously couldn’t do for a child. It does sound like she’s struggling but I think there’s a big difference between something like an occasional unavoidable vet trip, compared to being late everyday because of the dog

ETA - people saying have some sympathy. OP has given her two years of sympathy, that’s quite a long time

@MamaagainJuly2026 thank you so much. I am at my breaking point and this with the dog is what pushed me to it. I used to love my job (I’ve worked there for over 20 years) but this is draining. I feel like I’m the buffer between her and everyone else. I’m not the type of person to turn my back on someone in their hour of need. BUT I am fed up of having to listen to her bitch, I have tried to ask her to stop many times but she just doesn’t listen! She’s been offered help from work and turned it down! I’m careful of what I say to management because I have a feeling she’s on very thin ice to start with!
Yeah it’s not just the comparing her dogs toilet needs to a child’s needs but that was what has tipped me over the edge

You're acting like work did her some massive great favour by giving her 3 months off when her partner died and then "allowing" her to drop a day.

Unless they're still paying her for a 5 day working week then it's hardly that generous - she's just reduced her working hours which everyone is entitled to request if they wanted - are none of your colleagues with childcare issues part time?

If your husband or child died do you think you'd be absolutely fine and ready to come back to work as if nothing has happened after 3 months?

As pps have said it sounds like several things have been conflated.

Your employee handbook does sound unfair if it allows some staff occasional leeway for child related stuff but not other personal issues - whether that's someone's own health, caring for an adult family member or a pet.

However it sounds like she is going above and beyond what the policy would cover even if it was a child making her late every morning, and of course the smelling of alcohol issue is inappropriate. It sounds like your manager would be better off actually applying the policy to her as if it was a child she was caring for and then pointing out the discrepancy "yes but Bob leaves an hour early once a week to pick X up and Mary had 2 hours off to take her dd to an appointment as a one-off. You've been late because Rover wouldn't poo every day this week."

But none of this is for you to sort and if its stressing you out to this extent, which it clearly is, then you don't have to engage with her. You've tried your best and it hasn't worked.

She isn’t comparing her dog to a child.
But if her dog is poorly or needs taking to the vets, I don’t see why she shouldn’t be allowed a bit of time out of work to facilitate this. If your company is flexible with staff doing this for their children, I see no reason why she can’t.
I’m a teacher and I was allowed a couple of hours one afternoon to take my cat for an emergency vets appointment, my boss was incredibly compassionate.

@Crofthead read the thread, I’ve been there for her for two years! I’ve tried my best to help her, I’ve arranged bereavement counseling for her, she’s been offered occupational health which she turned down, I’ve acted as the buffer between her and our colleagues, I’ve picked up her flack at work, I’ve changed my working day so she’d have someone to sit with on her lunch break. What else do you think I can do! I’m there to earn a living too! I have a family to support just like everyone else. She’s took the piss and this with the dog is what’s broke the camels back!

@ArseSkinForAFriendi used her words, they weren’t mine. I did state that further up on the thread

@BlackCat14 she is allowed time off if her dog needs to go to the vets. It’s the lateness three morning out of four because her dog needs a longer walk every week, and the fact that others have to pick up the flack. Also her saying her dog needing a longer walk to do a poo every morning is more important than someone’s child being ill/needing picking up/having an appointment.

I'm not buying that.

There were no quotation marks or anything, which someone embarrassed to use those words would definitely have included.

Either way, if you're unhappy you need to make changes as no-one here can do that for you.

Unless you run the company stay out of it. Who knows what struggles people are having. That dog could be her reason for living

i do agree wirh rhe poster who said that society needs children, not dogs. When I’m old and incapacitated it will be someone else’s child who is going to come help me clean my house or fix my roof, not their dog.
That being said, if we are ever in a situation where we don’t have enough young people, the government will relax immigration rules do that someone else’s kids from abroad are allowed to come over!

If a company allows employees to be flexible around kids, I’d also expect them to allow the same flexibility to each employee, even if they don’t have kids.

Flexibility solely for parents just causes bitterness amongst those who aren’t given the same option.

Her drinking is a separate issue.

@ArseSkinForAFriend don’t buy it if you don’t want to, judge me for not using quotation marks, that’s on you 🤷‍♀️

So many on here willing to jump on someone without reading the whole thread! So many saying I’m judging my colleague whilst judging me. So many saying I should show more sympathy when I’ve done nothing but try and help for the last two years!
The dog having more importance or the same importance as the colleagues child with “special needs” (yes I’ve used quotation marks this time to say they were not my words) was the straw that broke the camels back.
Yes I came on here to have a moan, vent, or whatever you want to call it on a Sunday morning because I was thinking was I being unreasonable to snap and say her being late almost every morning and leaving the rest of us to pick up her slack every time because her dog needed a shit was hardly the same as a colleague taking half an hour a week to pick his “special needs” child up. Seems majority think I was being unreasonable. Can’t help but wonder how patient and understanding you’d have been for the last two years whilst she basically took the piss out of your good nature

I think the important bit in all of this is that she hasn't got over the death of her husband. She is still grieving.

Completely accept she shouldn't be coming in smelling of alcohol, but there is a reason behind this. Idolising her dog is probably all part of the same thing.

She needs help, grief counselling probably.

Edited to say that I can totally see how draining this is for colleagues and the OP. I knew someone who could not/would not move on from their marriage breaking down and subsequent divorce and financial issues. All goodwill and support, and there was a lot to start with, did dry up when we were listening to the same comments 2 years later.

Can HR step in and suggest ways for her to access support if she isn't able to do this herself?

She sounds like one of those crazy dog people, who think dogs come above a child.
She also sounds ill and like she’s struggling with life in general.

Just change the subject or get up and walk off when she starts talking about it again, she’ll soon get the message. Maybe suggest she gets some therapy?

67% say you’re not unreasonable OP and you’ll always get the crazy dog people being drawn to these threads and frothing.

No, caring for a dog can't be compared to caring for a child. I don't think it's really about the dog though, it sounds like she is really struggling and the dog is being used as an excuse. Management need to manage the situation. It sounds like she needs a referral to occupational health.

@Createausername1970with all due respect please read the whole thread. I arranged for her to have bereavement counseling. I’ve been there for her, I’ve changed my working day so she’d have someone to have lunch with, she’s not very well liked at work (and this was the same well before she lost her partner). I’ve spoke up for her, I’ve stayed behind late to pick up her slack, I’ve spoke to management for her, she was offered occupational health which she turned down. Coming in smelling of booze is a sackable offence but I spoke up for her and she was given a warning. The dog and child comment tipped me over the edge because to be honest it’s wearing me out! I’m at the stage where after over 20 year working there I just don’t enjoy my working day. I’m tired of her bitching, I’m tired of staying behind to cover her work because she can’t do it because her dog needs walking, I’m tired of being the buffer between her and other colleagues…I guess I’ve just had enough and yesterday I did snap

I agree it’s not about the dog, she’s struggling massively with the loss by the sounds of it and has no one but her dog, imagine that being you.. regardless of it being a child or dog I wouldn’t have an issue with it, it’s the circumstances that she’s currently in , she needs support not people like you bitching in here about it, so glad I don’t work with you.
also yes the booze issue needs addressing but that’s for management they have a duty of care.

@JLou08she was offered occupational health but turned it down

@dollyblue01ok so wtf am I supposed to do? Read the whole thread before judging me and saying you wouldn’t want to work with me! It’s thanks to me she still has a job! It’s thanks to me she’s having bereavement counselling, it’s thanks to me staying behind that her work is covered…so yeah, must be awful working with me 🙄