Comparing a dog to a child

[notdoingit11]

I have a colleague that lost her partner 2 year ago. This left her with no other family but her dog. The company we work for were very understanding at the time, she had 3 month off on full pay (just putting this in for context). When she came back to work she was struggling with looking after her dog so asked if she could cut her working hours down and was allowed to drop a day.
She often came in late and stinking of booze (it’s a customer facing role which involves the sale of vehicles), she was pulled into the office and spoken to. Because of this she is now saying the company have treat her awfully and have no compassion or understanding that she is still grieving and thinks she should be allowed to come in late if her dog needs a longer walk to do a poop!
A few colleagues have young children and occasionally take an hour or so during the working day to take them to appointments. The one with the dog thinks she should be given the same if her dog is not very well!
AIBU to think you can’t compare a dog to a child! Yes, I get to her it’s her baby and that’s fine but at the end of the day it is an animal and not a child to everyone else and we shouldn’t be expected to treat it like her child!
One colleague nips out for half an hour once a week to pick his special needs daughter up and drop her off at his parents house, his parents don’t drive, it’s the only day of the week his partner can’t pick her up due to her work commitments and management have agreed to him doing this. And this is what the dog woman is bitching about, she thinks she should be entitled to the same because her dog is all she’s got!
Im the one she comes bitching to and usually let it go over my head but her sense of entitlement is really starting to get on my nerves

Listening to daily bitching from anyone about anything is draining.
OP is sounds like you have tried to be understanding.
Take the dog out of the equation though. This is someone who is turning up to work late and smelling of alcohol. This is for managers and HR to sort out. The situation is being badly managed. I would step back form listening to her, focus on work and let management do their job.

I’d imagine her dog provides a lot
of comfort to her, and she is still grieving. Shame you can’t show some more compassion, or just keep your nose out.

It's quite standard in many workplaces that you can take a set number of paid days in an emergency involving a (human) dependent.

This is partly because caring roles disproportionately fall on women and therefore allowing paid days off for emergencies avoids penalising women financially.

If it's for a planned appointment you would have to take flexi or A/L.

If your dog was actually dying then most managers would allow paid compassionate leave. But her dog is not even sick.

It's even more obvious if you can WFH. I can WFH with my cat sat on my lap and even if he was sick he wouldn't overly distract me. I can't WFH with my 5 yo sitting on me.

I agree you shouldn’t compare a dog to a child.

she’s not entitled to emergency leave for dependents or any other legislation covering parents

however she is entitled to request flexible working for whatever reason and if some employees are granted it - it should be available for all

it also sounds like she’s not coping with her bereavement and could do with some support

You’re not wrong OP. Totally agree.She (and the world) has lost all perspective.

Sounds like we both work in the right places for us. I'm happier with my work policy and you're happier with yours 😊

I’ve showed two years of compassion and tried to help as much as I can

I think you have had some good advice here, OP.

Speaking more generally, i do find it grating on occasions when "the dogs are better than people" brigade expect their dogs to have the same rights as children. It's very absolute and feels coercive because if anyone disagrees, they are often then accused of being animal haters or horrible people.

On this occasion, as PPs have said, just keep out of it and let management deal with it.

Has your colleague not heard of dog walkers?

I’ve been where she is (but with two young children and not a dog) so I can/do feel compassion for her and tried to be there for her. But I do think I’ve done all I can and yeah I need to take a step back. I did snap at her about the dog/child comment and maybe I shouldn’t have but I’m worn out with the whole situation. She will end up losing her job if she keeps on the way she is though

It had being mentioned to her but she said she wouldn’t trust anyone else to walk him. She just seems to put a block on any suggestion of help

Dogs/pets and children aren’t the same though - and it is ridiculous to say otherwise.

YANBU OP - she obviously has problems and is grieving but you aren’t her punchbag to moan to constantly.

@Livpool you’ve hit the nail right on the head with the punchbag! That is exactly what I feel like

Aww! Go easy on yourself. You have been a good friend/colleague, recognizing that her life is very difficult at the moment and showing compassion. She clearly has some
big problems, bigger than just the dog. I think you have been very patient . I definitely agree, time to take a step back. Hope she stops wearing you down and manages to get some help.

She is struggling big time which is why she is using other people's issues to justify her behaviour
Won't do she needs help

Clearly she shouldn't be coming in smelling of alcohol. But anyone with a scrap of emotional intelligence could understand how and why someone would be hit hard and struggling by the death of their partner.

As for the rest, it's all bullshit. Time is time and if there's capacity for parents to take an hour here and there, that capacity should also exist for non-parents to do whatever is important for them.

This - there's a huge difference between having a dog and a sen child, OP you have the patience of a saint as l could not put up with that shit. The company allowing 3 months for grieving have been more than generous and she is taking the piss and personally would have nothing to do with her. Some of us had to deal with a loss and don't expect everyone else to be inconvenienced for ever.

You sound awfully aggressive with a grieving colleague who sounds like shes having an awful time moving past a shocking loss.

Fwiw, the man collecting his child once a week needs that to balance his family and work life and its great the employer supports him. A person wanting special leave for a vet appointment hopefully only needs that once every few years (ive had 2 emergency vet appointments for my pets in 20 years employment as a pet owner) and its great if the employer can support them. It does not make them equal to a child.

Families come in different forms and any life you care for is a responsibility. Ideally an employer should be kind and the parent shouldnt take the piss and the pet owner shouldnt take the piss. Different needs, equal right to appropriate support in my view

Hi op fair enough she’s grieving and she really won’t be giving a shit about stuff now life changes when you lose your spouse or partner by death. She sounds like she’s drinking to blot out her pain I would suggest you pass it on to your manager who is paid to manage and let them sort out her lateness and drinking just because she’s grieving doesn’t give her a pass to abuse her position. Next time she bitches just say x I know your having a hard time and I will listen to you if that’s what you want but I won’t agree with you a dog is important but it’s not as important as kids and there is no comparison but if you want to keep your job you need to sort your head out. I can’t help you if you are coming in late me and my colleagues have had enough covering your slack if you can’t cope you need to decide is your dog more important than your income. Op you have every right to feel pissed off there is only so much bitching a person can take. You have obviously been very supportive but we all have a breaking point especially when help is being offered. Let her get on with it just worry about yourself.

I'm in a similar situation to this lady but was left with 3 dogs and 6 cats.Mornings can be hectic in terms of getting the dogs exercised and all of them fed.The dogs belonged to my husband and were of the utmost importance to him.His favourite which he got for his 45th birthday is getting old and his health is declining.The link to this in terms of my late husband is hard to verbalise but we all dread the decline of this dog.
As with your colleague there's possibly more to it than the dog scenario but struggling to get out of a house with the reassurance that your pets are safe and will remain so until you get home 9 hours later is difficult.
As a bereaved person in a workplace I don't expect any special attention but I'm not always as friendly or as pleasant to others as I could be.Work relationships are difficult and require work, work which a person who's depressed can struggle with.
I'd suggest that you're careful and mindful of your colleague as it's hard to imagine what she may be going through.

This. How lovely you are though…so nicely written. And fair. If everyone is like you no wonder you have such a nice/warm/fair work place.
grief is a process and will be different for everyone.

coming to work smelling of alcohol not good at all - OP does she need more support?