Comparing a dog to a child

[notdoingit11]

I have a colleague that lost her partner 2 year ago. This left her with no other family but her dog. The company we work for were very understanding at the time, she had 3 month off on full pay (just putting this in for context). When she came back to work she was struggling with looking after her dog so asked if she could cut her working hours down and was allowed to drop a day.
She often came in late and stinking of booze (it’s a customer facing role which involves the sale of vehicles), she was pulled into the office and spoken to. Because of this she is now saying the company have treat her awfully and have no compassion or understanding that she is still grieving and thinks she should be allowed to come in late if her dog needs a longer walk to do a poop!
A few colleagues have young children and occasionally take an hour or so during the working day to take them to appointments. The one with the dog thinks she should be given the same if her dog is not very well!
AIBU to think you can’t compare a dog to a child! Yes, I get to her it’s her baby and that’s fine but at the end of the day it is an animal and not a child to everyone else and we shouldn’t be expected to treat it like her child!
One colleague nips out for half an hour once a week to pick his special needs daughter up and drop her off at his parents house, his parents don’t drive, it’s the only day of the week his partner can’t pick her up due to her work commitments and management have agreed to him doing this. And this is what the dog woman is bitching about, she thinks she should be entitled to the same because her dog is all she’s got!
Im the one she comes bitching to and usually let it go over my head but her sense of entitlement is really starting to get on my nerves

Nobody should be getting free time off to tend to child dog or pet fairies. Do it in your own time, make up the time or negotiate hours

@pottymouth40i did arrange for her to have bereavement counselling, I did also suggest occupational health to our manager who agreed but she turned it down. I have done everything I can but did snap yesterday when she came out with the dog/child comment. I just can’t do anymore.

Ok.

I did read your OP and most of your updates.

I missed the later ones where you said she had already had grief counselling.

If you want helpful responses then put the important facts in the OP, don't drip feed.

You are perfectly reasonable to feel the way you do in the updated circumstances.

But getting arsey with PP and expecting everyone to wade through drip feeds isn't helping.

I don't understand why you are getting such a hard time @notdoingit11 .

I think all you can do is take a step back and try grey rock techniques.

Refuse to engage but politely.

I'm sorry you feel that way, discuss it with management. On repeat. No further engagement.

You've tried here but she needs more than you can offer. You've been kind but she needs professional help and sometimes you have to allow the wheels to come off.

I sympathise. It’s draining when somebody is always moaning/bitching, regardless of the actual issues involved.

Can you suggest that she discusses this with HR? Try to be firm with her and tell her that you don’t want to be involved.

I also don't understand why you've had such a hard time!
It sounds like you must tell her you cannot listen to her complain about others, any more. Get that sentence ready, and say it. Every time. If she falls out with you, fine.

Well then don't, no-one's forcing you to.

If you keep repeatedly punching yourself in the head, you'll always have a headache.

If you stop, you won't 🤷‍♂️

YANBU

Woman is very lucky to have a job. Most would not tolerate someone coming in drunk to work and being late all the time. That’s a sackable offense for many jobs.

Yes, she’s grieving and needs to consider the impact of her actions on others, two things can be true at once. She has been offered help in several ways and no one can help her unless she chooses to accept it. It’s also none of her business what her colleagues get and to moan about it and use her grieving as a reason she should be able to do what she wants is not on.

You’ve done more than enough and two years of this is crazy. Stop doing everything for her. Stop picking up her slack. Stop being the buffer between her and her colleagues. Your kindness has enabled her behaviour, unfortunately.

I hope the lady is getting support re excessive alcohol intake after her bereavement.
Quick question, do the employees who take time off during the day for children related duties, do they make the time up or have it deducted from their leave entitlement?
From an objective pow, I can understand why the lady with the dog feels she is being treated unfairly.
Is there a company policy?
Ime, there is often a perceived unfairness amongst some employees re the support and perceived entitlement of some employees with children.
As a parent myself, I fully understand the need for support and flexibility re carers /child requirements but equally, there are some people who milk it to the hilt. I must emphasise that there needs to be support for working parents but not to the point where some people take the p*

I've read the whole thread and my conclusion is it has nothing to do with children being treated the same as a dog. Its just you moaning about a grieving colleague that you don't like and trying to justify it by back tracking and trying to show everyone how wonderful you are when no one agreed with you. The way you talk about her is horrible and if its like you say she has no one, I think to be honest she would be happier not having anyone than having a two faced person who whilst pretending to be her friend is actually talking about her behind her back and who even takes the time to rant on a sunday morning on the internet trying to "help" her. Leave the poor woman alone and get on with your own job.

@Amberjane41 if I’d done what you’d said she’d have no job to get on with, she’d have been sacked months ago. But hey ho that’s not my problem eh

@Newyearawaitsno, none of us have to make our time up when we take kids to appointments…but we don’t do it every day, this lady is late (sometimes by 2 hours) three days a week out of four. This is certainly not me bitching about her, this is me at the end of my tether with it all. I’ve done everything I can to help her including working late myself to finish my workload after having to pick hers up on the morning. Everyone else has now refused to do it, they’re all fed up with her, and I do understand why, she doesn’t help anyone. She certainly hasn’t been treat unfairly, allowances have been made for her and help offered to her which she’s refused.

So you clearly think you are being reasonable so I don't understand why are you continually coming back on here to defend yourself. However your problem is with her... her behaviour, her coming in late, you covering for her etc etc, your problem is with this woman. The issue is NOT comparing a dog to a child which was your original question before all the drip feeds.

That's ridiculous. If you leave your sick child home alone you will be arrested and the child will be taken into care. If you live your sick dog home alone nothing happens because a dog is not a child.

@Amberjane41 my initial question was AIBU to think it’s wrong to compare a dog to a child because that is what she done and what I’d snapped at her about.
The rest was in response to me being called horrible, told I should have some compassion ect ect. I’ve took a bashing and defended myself. I haven’t “bitched” about her, I’ve stated FACTS for clarity.

It's actually against the law to let a dog suffer.
It's also clearly not 'ridiculous' to treat your staff equally. 🙄

I agree dog should never be compared to a child.. it's not the samev even if the dog owner thinks it is
Having said that this colleague is clearly struggling and it sounds as though she needs some mental health support

If her dog is actually severely ill and needs urgent vet treatment then I'd say she should be allowed to deal with that. But not just because the dog is a bit off colour. The same would apply to a spouse or a teenager- if they are feeling a bit rotten and need a day off school you should go to work because unlike a small child they don't need supervision all day. Obviously if they are in intensive care at death's door you'd be missing work.

This woman just wants to turn up and leave when she likes and use the dog as an excuse. If she's not well enough to be back at work she should discuss that with her employer and she might need to leave on the grounds of incapacity.

My workplace has a rule that you can take up to 5 emergency leave days for a dependent. A child is a dependent, as is an elderly relative. A dog is not and you'd need to take flexi or annual leave to take a dog to the vet.

She was widowed two years ago, has no other family and a poorly dog.

of course she shouldn’t be complaining about others to you, but she’s gone through more than you can imagine, so I’d cut her some slack.

It must be really tough, working with people with families and children when she has no one.

I'd be worried about her not moaning about her on the internet.

I think you need to read my post again. I have never said she should have leave for a dog that's a bit off colour!
My workplace allows flexibility within a working window of 7-7. As long as you do your hours within this window, they don't care if your picking up your kid from school or taking your dog on a walk.
If people's kids are unwell and they can't work, then that's unpaid leave or taken from annual allowance. Same would apply if your dog was sick and you wanted the day off to look after it.

All I'm trying to say is that employees should all be treated fairly as long as the work is done.

I think sensible flexi time should be fair for everyone. So if she needs to take her dog to the vet - she should be able to. Just like how you should be able to pick up a child. Work has to work for your lives to a certain extent.

However, coming in reguarly late because shes hanging around waiting for the dog to poo is too far and frankly ridiculous.

Well that's not the rule at my place of work because most people reasonably consider a sick child to be an emergency, hence why you can take paid leave. I have never heard of any company granting sick pet leave.

Her dog isn’t poorly. She does have family but neither her side of the family or her partners side of the family have anything to do with her and from my understanding they haven’t for a lot of years.
And I’ve spent the last two years worrying about her and trying to help because I do have an idea what she’s going through. I have been there myself

My company would consider a sick child as an emergency and let you take time off. Why should they pay you for it though? It should be the other employees who are picking up your work that are paid for it!

I’ve worked somewhere when I was childless, but had pets. Someone else had stepchildren who didn’t even live with her and she was allowed time off to take them to appointments, pick them up from school etc. I wasn’t allowed to leave early one day by 20 minutes for a vets appointment. That is unfair, everyone should be treated the same.

The same company had a similar rule with cigarette breaks, smokers could go out every hour for a smoke but non-smokers weren’t allowed out with them. It’s not about kids v pets or smokers v non smokers. It’s about fairness